(The teaching of conscious development lived in ordinary life)
This teaching based upon becoming conscious, of developing oneself with lucidity and honesty became my way of life.
And it is my duty, in this foreword, to warn readers about several things they should be aware of in order to clearly understand the difference between authentic and honest Work, in contrast to its opposite, or to imagination.
Hidden behind my assertive character, and passionate nature, made up of various inherited influences, was another part of myself, what was left of the child who had never been allowed to be a child, naïve and timid, which it seemed only G.Gurdjieff saw and understood, giving this child in me a feeling of trust.
This teaching does not require a retreat from life; it must be carried out whilst remaining in life, and, little by little to become completely present in all one’s life.
When asked about his practice of spiritual exercises, the brother simply replied, “Everything I do, I do in the Presence of God, all my activities, all day long. For me God is always Present.” The Father Superior came to realise that this brother had a deep humility and spirituality.
(Gurdjieff as teacher: his quality of presence and attention)
He alone gave me a deep feeling of security and trust, which no one else ever gave me. Through his quality of listening, I could be myself, and express myself. He summoned up and aroused my abilities, put them to the test, making me conscious of them, and enabling me to trust them; which is what I most needed. He both confirmed and guided my searching, my feelings and my intuition. My life took on a more precise meaning in a path that I was already following but only groping around in the fog, reading everything, questioning, wanting to know and understand everything.
He was a good, strict teacher, never unjust, whose ever wakeful attention never missed anything that was happening. There was no solemnity in his manner of being and speaking. He was always very simple, direct, going for the essential, without idle talk: his words were concise and precise.
He did not always reply directly to a question; he either asked another question, or he made an observation that opened up a new perspective for us.
I can see him now putting a big pat of butter on some meat roasting on the coal-fired stove, where five or six big stewing pans were simmering gently for hours at a time. He himself always cooked for the groups, for guests, or for just one person, with great care, with a deep feeling of reverential hospitality, close, I felt, to a communion, without the guests being fully aware of it.
It was there that G. ‘caught’ people in their ‘chief feature’. I say ‘caught’ – like a fisherman catching a fish, or a hunter shooting game. He pierced to the quick an attitude, a word, a way of being or way of presenting oneself.
(His physical force, animal likeness, and the power of his seeing)
He had a very strong physical presence, but his behaviour was quite unostentatious. He was simple, quiet, ever watchful, attentive, with a calm stillness that reminded me of a lion, or an elephant, symbolising for me G.Gurdjieff’s qualities of unerring sureness, self-mastery and immediate presence, always ready for action. His attentive, all encompassing gaze made me trust him at once. I felt recognised, seen for what I was, not as an object, but as a whole being.
Often I sensed him as a lion, with a muffled growling sound coming from his abdomen, from the deepest depths within, as if the earth itself was shaking. He could equally well be like the wind, or become a tiger at any second, always ready for whatever action the situation might call for, playing a different character,
adapting himself, flowing like water or air, with the extraordinary skill of both a very experienced actor and an impeccable warrior.
The silent listening from his whole being, seeking to understand, gave me, at last, my true existence, what was essentially mine. Every attitude or gesture in his presence was different from those I had in life. I felt another possibility of BEING.
Truth before him was as if cut with a knife, the least deviation, lie or omission was revealed by a remark or a silence. The acuity of his attention incited sincerity towards ourselves, put us in front of our weakness, the very inability to be sincere in relation to ourselves.
I also felt his suffering for others, his sadness before their inability to understand, or wish to understand, but also his joy for a person who was truly searching. One needed to be very watchful to perceive this, as G. gave nothing away; I was always very attentive to G.Gurdjieff’s expressions and those of others.
(Lineage, responsibility, and the first shock of meeting)
I often heard him use the phrase: to become the adult for oneself, and its reference to our line of descendants; he made us feel the link with our close ones, our responsibility in relationship to our parents, our grandparents, our whole lineage – which has affected us all.
One would have to have been in George Gurdjieff’s presence to be able to fully understand his great knowledge, his deep understanding, his benevolence, his love of others, his simplicity. His strictness as a teacher enabled us to think, wake up and become fully developed. His behaviour in any situation was in the present moment without weakness, without error, and above all without judgement.
I realised then that I was not ready. Tears came, streaming silently down my cheeks, coming from a great distress, and a deep need of ‘I knew not what’. I said nothing, I really had nothing to say. In all the years I was to spend close to him, this was the only time when Monsieur Gurdjieff showed such disappointment in a situation concerning me, and this was my first contact! It gave me a very strong shock, especially as I was the only one he addressed directly, even though I was quite silent… I felt as if I had fallen into a deep ravine…
had the impression of being nourished for the first time in my life. It was like a recognition, he of me, and me of him – like a pact made between us. The meeting continued as if nothing had happened.
as a being who felt the depth of being, and went directly to the essential. I felt recognised by him. I felt myself existing for the first time – I existed.
(Recognising one’s tendencies and the aim of two natures)
I took a long time to become conscious of my tendency: Yes, naïve and subjective, instead of being clearminded, objective, knowing how to say ‘no’.
‘Beelzebub’s Tales to his Grandson’, G.Gurdjieff said that ‘being’ means: having two natures. In G.Gurdjieff’s teaching, the aim is to be in the middle of one’s two natures, between them, consciously, without one encroaching on the other, without one preventing the other from functioning.