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Author: [[Dr Aziz Gazipura PsyD]] Full Title: Not Nice Category: #books INTRODUCTION: Driven by Fear, Not Virtue Nice is good, right? It means you’re caring, you don’t hurt people, and you do the right thing. You put others first, avoid saying critical or mean things, and try to make others feel happy. Of course, this is all good, right? Well, maybe… After fourteen years of clinical experience, working with thousands of people from all different cultures, I began to question this assumption. In the hardest to be nice people also felt the most anxious, guilty, and frustrated. They had difficulty standing up for themselves, felt obligated to please others, and worried about what people thought of them. They couldn’t directly ask for what they wanted, freely say “no” when it was the right thing to do, or openly disagree with others’ opinions, even though they had strong, well-developed beliefs. In short, they were trapped in a cage of niceness that prevented them from being their real selves. Being nice does not come out of goodness or high morals. It comes out of a fear of displeasing others and receiving their disapproval. It’s driven by fear, not virtue. In fact, I discovered that being nice can make us secretly less loving and more burnt out over time as we stray further and further from our authentic selves. The one that tells us we’re so bad for hurting someone’s feelings or saying no. That others will be upset with us for speaking our minds, or leave us for being honest. You must wrestle with the old, long-standing beliefs that bound you with stories that it’s bad to ask for what you want, or that you’re selfish for saying no. your mind. Are you a

AI Summary

Not Nice by Dr Aziz Gazipura PsyD presents wisdom from the contemplative traditions.

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