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Author: [[Ruby Warrington]] Full Title: Sober Curious Category: #books No More Moderation or Pretending Before we go any farther down this rocky part of the path, let me get clear on something. Rule number one of changing your drinking habits is: You have to change your drinking habits. I repeat. If you’re slowly getting on board with the idea that anybody who drinks regularly might be kind-of-just-a-little-bit-addicted-to-booze, then the only way to get unaddicted is to STOP DRINKING BOOZE. As noted, by the time I went to AA I was already drinking considerably less—had cut it back to once or twice a month and to well within those government guidelines of “seven units” per week. Even if the thinking about the drinking carried on relentlessly. Having chosen total, lifelong abstinence for herself, she sees alcohol as “a toxic substance that, by the way, causes weight gain and breaks your capillaries. And makes you do stupid things. That is actually a depressant, and also breeds anxiety. And makes for really bad, shitty sex. I mean honestly, is the purpose of human existence really to try and find a way to keep this in our lives?” With talk of “moderation,” she means, versus just not drinking. Turn Every “Relapse” into a Reminder If you’ve digested the above, it probably shouldn’t surprise you to learn that between 40 and 60 percent of people in abstinence-based recovery programs relapse (meaning begin using again). Marc Lewis has a reason for this, and it’s called “ego fatigue”—when “self-control begins to blink and fizzle like a light bulb.” It’s essentially the end of willpower. In my experience, each time I drank again, having vowed not to, once the hangover and the initial self-flagellation had subsided my resolve was only strengthened—leading to ever-longer periods of easier-to-sustain abstinence. And the longer I abstained, the more unexpectedly joyful I found sobriety to be, the less I felt any desire to drink, and thus the “reminders” became fewer and farther between. Not because I still desire the momentary buzz I might get from it, or because I think my life is any better with alcohol still in it—but because I don’t want to live with the pressure of trying to be perfect. We’re taught to see addicts as weak, sloppy, self-indulgent, lazy. Which are also just parts of being human, by the way. What, you never drop the ball? You’re never vulnerable? Confused? Selfish? You never can’t be bothered? Trying not to be these things—to even appear not to be these things—can get pretty exhausting. In my case, alcohol gave me permission to forget trying to be perfect and to allow life to just be a beautiful mess. For Saturday night, at least—the price being the ugly mess inside my head the morning after.

AI Summary

Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington presents wisdom from the contemplative traditions.

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