(Spiritual organizations as false restaurants with no guaranteed food)
Since it is quite discouraging to hear that there is no one path with a guarantee, most spiritual organizations tell you they have the right and only path, and that if you do not make it in this lifetime, at least they will prepare you for the next. This is like telling a hungry traveler that they are in the right place and this is the only restaurant in town, and if no food is available tonight it may arrive next month or next year.
They offer confusing paradoxes such as “You do not exist!” or “This is it!” or “Stop the search!” They may respond to a question with silence, a riddle, or an incomprehensible spontaneous movement.
This book also is not a formula, not a guaranteed plan. It describes the journey so that you might recognize the territory as it appears in your life. It tells you the nature of the weather you may encounter, and the possible portals and cul-de-sacs you might meet along the way. It addresses common fears and misperceptions. It speaks of changes, both subtle and intense, that accompany a true awakening.
- Regularly sit as quiet stillness, tuning into your body at the place where stillness already exists, and let thoughts become irrelevant, until you are deeply settled as presence. 5. Live a moderate lifestyle that supports your spiritual longings instead of distracting you from them. Find something of beauty in each day. 6. Forgive your human flaws and accept yourself for who you are. Better yet, find the place inside of yourself that already is accepting you the way you are. You can only transform the unhealthy parts of yourself by meeting them and inviting them into the freedom you are seeking. 7. Be curious about the experience of awareness that is already here. What is aware? Who is aware? Do not go to the mind for an answer.
9. Find a spiritual guide or teacher with whom you feel a true resonance.
It was fourteen years later and during the height of the encounter movement of the 60’s when I finally faced the emptiness in my heart, and the warped emotional range I had carried through high school, and during the early years of marriage and parenting. As I faced my un-experienced grief I realized faith was out of the question for me, and I was advised to consider meditation if I wanted to know if there was a God. This catalyzed a life-long quest in search of what is True.
(Peace as the present moment without a seeker: nothing sought at all)
Underneath all experience, only presence. Ultimately what was mystical or dramatic has all become memories, and the present moment is enough, whatever it is, however it is, just being quiet and being here and being no one in particular seeking nothing at all. I find this to be true peace. Some people believe that having supra-normal powers, or being in a continual state of bliss are signs of enlightenment. Others might think that if a person is so filled with dynamic energy that everyone around them falls into altered states, it is a certain indicator of liberation. But these are all experiences, and experiences pass, and they are not of much essential value if you never discover who or what it is that is having the experience.
When I knew I was no one, and everyone, and just a stream of energy dancing in the world, I became joy unbounded and I laughed and cried in gratitude all night for everyone who had ever touched me along the way — from an old friend who initially suggested I read Paramahansa Yogananda’s biography
Yes there is still an “I” of some sort, and here she is telling a story of herself. She will pass away soon enough. I have no objection to being her and only a small objection to letting her go. I can’t take her seriously but she is the flavor through which I live my life — a wife and mother and grandmother and sometimes a mentor or friend,
All expressions have their rightful place in an expanding and unlimited universe. We are it! We are all the forms expressing spontaneously in the service of something greater than ourselves that lies forever within mystery.
It can also happen that in the midst of adult life we suddenly realize the insubstantiality of happiness, how it ebbs and flows despite the acquiring of material and relational objects. Or the impulse may arise spontaneously with a sudden shocking insight that there is more to consciousness than the consensus reality we have never before questioned. Wham! We see it! There is a flash of being nothing and everything, eternal stillness and creation flowing from it, energy swirling out of the ethers, and love penetrating all.
Samadhi: A union of the meditator with the object of meditation, with various levels leading to a deep absorption in a transcendent state where thought is dissolved but an illumined awareness is present.
Waking Up is Not an Experience The experience of waking up is not a mystical event, although it may occur in the midst of one. It is often said to be no experience. It is a ground level shift that occurs right now, right here, and whether it lasts a minute or a lifetime, the Truth of who you are is known. This is a significant aspect of self-realization, and essential to the liberation of consciousness from the confines of a limited personality structure.
We strengthen the spiritual ego when this happens, and this may profoundly improve the way we live our lives, but we may stay in a cycle of pleasure and loss for many years, and miss a precious opportunity to find total inner peace. On the other hand, experiences can motivate a person to keep going with spiritual practices until fully awakened.
have known dozens of others who have done the same. While these were all rich and wonderful experiences, I never felt finished. Instead it seemed like I could leave my life and visit a more ecstatic place, and return to cope with all the disagreeable aspects of living. It felt like I was living much of my life by escaping it. I still believed “I” was having the experiences, both good and bad. I asked the proverbial question “Is that all there is?
The first thing I saw clearly, when sitting in a silent meditation retreat with Adyashanti, was that there was no absolute truth available to the mind. All mental constructs are relative, time-limited, and far, far too narrow to encompass the truth of what we are. It can be known directly but it cannot be taught, so teachers are left with only the possibility of pointing the student in the direction they need to go. The second thing I learned is that awakening always happens right now, in this moment, in this body and this world. It is not a transcendent dip into the cosmic plane. This is not to say that such dips can’t and don’t happen regularly to mystics. But that is a trip of the mind into another reality, and not the true understanding of Self.
A person may go into great expanses of emptiness, which is wondrous to the Being, but frightening to the mind. To the extent one clings, or tries to return to the old mental habits and perspectives, there is great distress. The challenge is to stay present with whatever arises and eventually surrender all tendencies to be divided. In other words, until the Self, or the Radiant Emptiness, or the Oneness (however we try to frame this enormous internal truth), comes completely forward to rule our life, we are unfinished, and
struggling with a sense of two worlds and two lives. Gradually, as the inner spirit becomes dominant, a sense of deep unspeakable peace moves into the cells. Over time we find ourselves naturally feeling love, compassion, clarity, acceptance of what is, and even a slight inclination to action that is authentic and natural for us. These qualities are not chosen, but rather seem to bubble up from the source of consciousness within.
When there is no longer any struggle, because all that is left of the little “me” is a slight memory and flavor, and perhaps a few insignificant preferences that can easily be enjoyed or put aside, the spiritual journey is over. There can be more, apparently an endless range, of teachings and blessings, but there is no more longing or desiring for any of these. Just as the empty screen on the TV tells you the programming is over for the night, the mind that seeks, or longs, or desires, is no longer functioning in that space. And the program is unlikely to be renewed.
Of course the functional mind still works and everyday tasks can be done, sometimes with greater efficiency because there are no psychological impediments. But attachment to the story that defined you has faded into oblivion. To live without the story, without demands, and without a sense of personal struggle, is to live an awakened life. As long last, the spirit or the Self has accomplished its intention of being a conscious force in your life.
For the greater part the nature of our lives and our source is a mystery. For most of us it is a mystery without a very satisfactory ending. Something called “me” came into the world, apparently innocent, open and receptive to life, accumulated some years of experiences, developing beliefs, points of view, and concepts, and it will pass on, apparently to some place where none of those beliefs or concepts have any usefulness at all. All we know about this “me” is the fact that its vehicle is a collection of atoms and molecules catalyzed into a cohesive existence by two other beings, and we have no idea how long it will last, what it will experience, or where it is going.
The greatest joy to be found in human experience is this discovery of the true Self, the recognition of that which is our source, and has sustained us eternally, and is actually what we are. It is the true source of the sense “I”, before anything personal is added to it. When we slip from personal lives into impersonal source every cell in our body rejoices in the remembering. It cannot be described in language, but only known in silence.
A most sacred question of inquiry is, “What is this spaciousness?” It is not a question for thought, because as soon as thought arises one is back into a form, the form created by all the life experiences woven into your personal pattern of thinking. Unlike the brain, which has the density of a relative form in the world, thought is a subtle form of vibration moving in space, and could be called a subtle object. You experience spaciousness when you release the attachment to the forms of objects, whether gross like the body or subtle like thought, physical or energetic, and simply fall into the background of formless space within your own body. You must become it in order to know
Awakening happens to the whole being, to all the cells in the body, not just to the head. You will become more grace-prone if you get in touch with your whole body, and you will deepen and stabilize an awakening by letting it fall into the heart and the belly. When the heart awakens there is an entirely new perspective on life. When the belly awakens, there is the final opportunity to live an awakened life: a life that is solid, grounded and ordinary, even while being without a sense of root or meaning. A sense of stillness, openness or emptiness permeates the cells, and they become one with all. They are awake. Buddhists call this building a mountain of emptiness. You are grounded in open space.
In men who are not spiritual leaders, I have seen a great longing for the perfect woman, an adolescent fantasy about how a woman could take care of them, or the pursuit of multiple relationships, completely distract spiritual seekers from their own awakening process. Sexual hunger is apparently built into male energy systems as deeply as relationship is built into a woman. Of course these are generalities, and there are many other attachments that dominate some people’s lives – alcohol or drugs, money, fame and ambition are just a few.
These are all beautiful aspects of human experience and to lock our hearts against them has no value in a freedom that is all-inclusive, and sees everything as an aspect of the divine plan. The problem is not that we love, have sex, marry, have children or have relationships in our lives. It is our thoughts and attachments to these functions. It is compulsivity and identification. Burning Away the “I” How is it possible to enjoy something and yet release attachment to it? This is another part of the burning of spiritual process. What burns away is the suffering inherent in the process, and the compulsiveness associated with it. What dies is the one who requires anything to be a certain way.
can enjoy whatever is available, but it has no demands! You have a choice, you can suffer the wanting, or you can be free. This is the essence of surrender, to let go of wanting, to let go of the me.
Most people are content with the memory of awakening, and return into their lives changed and improved by it, but feeling some wistfulness about not being able to hold on to the wonderful experience. Eventually they reengage many facets of the old personality structure. But if you are called to keep going in your spiritual work, this burning will probably occur at some point in your life. Just as when burning off old memories, this burning can quite literally feel like a fire in your chest or gut. A few people even become ill from the strain of suffering when they try to go beyond their attachments. The mind can be cruel in its tenacity, making you think you can’t live unless things turn out a certain way, just the way you want them to. But being free is not about having your way, it is about being at home in the part of you that has no problem with life just as it is, that sees the perfection of the vast drama of human existence over millions of years and thousands of lifetimes, and accepts the wholeness and the wisdom in it. It is about acceptance, not in a way that is resigned, but in a way that wants to see only what is true, and respond in service to this wholeness. By some cosmic irony awakened people who have given up wanting often find they have everything they ever used to think they would want, and I have heard some say they have to be careful of superficial thoughts and desires, because they are so likely to manifest.
Awakening brings one to the threshold of all that actually is. It is all-inclusive. It is being touched, over and over. What makes us free is that the little me who lived its life protecting itself from seeing the truth, from feeling, from full engagement in the world, is no longer in charge. That which is the source, the foundation, is felt as a living force within, and it will have a unique personal response to the circumstances placed in front of it in each moment.
The Obstacles to Enlightenment
The Need for Understanding When people lack understanding about what it is they are seeking it is easy for them to become sidetracked by some of the phenomena of the spiritual journey. This is especially true when you live in a culture that admires individuality and material gain. These same goals get applied to the spiritual search, so a person is actually seeking what is not to be found in awakening.
all human inclination. By comparison, the rest of us feel so inadequate that we may not even seek the experience of realization, believing we do not deserve it, or could not possibly accomplish it. We see it as some supernatural grace that has been given as a reward to a good person, bestowing magical powers, eternal life and psychic insight into the nature of all things. We look for powerful mystical experiences and unnatural changes in our capacity or powers and consider this to be the nature of freedom. It is an extraordinary gift to meet someone who is awakened and living an ordinary life, because here is a model we can follow and understand, out of our own ordinariness. Awakening can happen to anyone, because it is linked to the consciousness that flows through everyone. It is a shift of orientation, in which the final outcome is peace, compassion, love, appreciation, and the end of conflict with life. Out of this comes the freedom to express in whatever way the person is drawn to express, without being self-conscious, without inhibition, without being caught in the patterns of personal conditioning. The advantage in having an awakened teacher is the modeling he or she may provide. It is not that you should live your life in the same way, but that you can see that if this person could break through to freedom so can you.
If you stop short of this condition of beingness, you may become a spiritualized personality, knowing how to acquire mystical experiences, but still feeling unfinished and unsettled. You may become caught in the, “I had it and now I’ve lost it” syndrome, or you may spend most of your life withdrawing into meditation and avoiding the living of your experiences. Don’t stop until you are free of yourself. On the other hand, once you know that you know the Truth, don’t drag every last personal piece of conditioning into the light of day. Relax the struggle and let the process bring forth what
is needed, and simply meet it wherever you are.
It is beautiful to enjoy the gifts that come along, and explore their depth and expression, but remember that what is essential is to know who is having the experiences. When this is known with full clarity, then all experiences are acceptable, even the ones that are not blissful, powerful and spacious. You become just the being, the experiencing, and the One who has no tendency of grasping or rejecting any element of life. So instead of becoming addicted to one aspect of life experience and being enchanted by that, you find appreciation and pleasure in many experiences, and acceptance in the areas that are not comfortable.
Distractions Many people become distracted and fall out of their intention for awakening or freedom, drawn by love affairs, exciting new work, family problems and issues, illness, the need to make money, and many other events that arise in an ordinary life.
But I consider many of these distractions to be just the unraveling of old samscaras (inherent conditions) that still need to be played out in a lifetime.
Rather everything was unfolding in a very beautiful way, outside of my understanding of
but rather that who we are and what we have accomplished loses its charm and its value to us. Many things fall away and we do not know as we enter through the eye of the needle what will return and what will forever be lost to us.
Finally Eckhart smiled and said, “You know Bill, sometimes I go for hours without a thought.”
Eckhart could hardly be said to be incapable of thought. He had just published a brilliant bestseller and another would soon be on its way. He did not imply he could not think, only that thoughts did not arise at random, or that thinking arose from something other than the random firings of mind. He is a man who lives comfortably with an empty mind.
realized with Eckhart that now and the awakened state are one and the same, and being in the moment without thought is being awake. Awakening is Being. Emptiness is Being.
When you are committed to knowing the Truth at all costs, and seeking this Truth in your own being, beyond your thoughts and conceptual world, you are very likely to wake up and discover who you are. Sometimes waking up is blissful and joyous, with overwhelmingly ecstatic moments; at other times
Awakening does not cause anyone to become cold and heartless about the suffering in the world. If that happens you are stuck in a mental form of emptiness – untouched and distant.
There lies within the source a powerful loving compassion for the struggles of humans, along with a sense of its place within the vast picture of all eternity.
How Do We Endure this Process? We get through this by continuing to sit in stillness and peace, reconfirming our commitment to knowing the Truth, whatever the cost. We learn to stand comfortably in the unknown, relaxed, to allow everything to be as it is. We begin to look with curiosity and wonder at the mental constructions that built our sense of personal self, and the many diverse forms that life has produced all around us. If we are fortunate we find a teacher or community or at least a few friends who support our process. Trust that once you have had a direct recognition of who you are, that consciousness itself will arise to complete the process of self-realization in a way that is perfect for you, if you just get out of the way.
The Indian sage Nisardagatta has said: “When reality explodes in you, you may call it experience of God. Or rather, it is God experiencing you. God knows you when you know yourself. Reality is not the result of a process; it is an explosion. It is definitely beyond the mind, but all you can do is know your mind well. Not that the mind will help you, but by knowing your mind you may avoid your mind disabling you. You have to be very alert, or else your mind will play false with you. It is like watching a thief – not that you expect anything from a thief, but you do not want to be robbed. In the same way you give a lot of attention to the mind without expecting anything from it.” (Nisardagatta Maharaj (1994). I Am That, Acorn Press, Durham, NC p.189)
In this becoming we recognize we are That, and always have been, and That is consciousness itself, and never dies. In one sweep we have lost everything we thought we were, and discovered we are eternal.
The difference between awakening and enlightenment is that an awakened being knows the Truth, and the enlightened person has surrendered everything to it and simply lives within it. Actually, it may be more correct to say