Introduction: The Kundalini Guide
Eventually I came back into my senses, but for weeks following I was in a state of awareness that was untouched by the normal challenges of my family, studies and work, even though they continued as usual. Walking down the street felt like floating, Waking in the morning felt
like entering a new adventure. Sitting to meditate felt like falling into a world of light and bliss. At night my body would awake and shake itself, move into positions that stretched the spine, plunge my nervous system into a vibration of happiness, and occasionally produce an other-worldly dream.
They may be ripened by exposure to the energy fields of sacred spaces, but ultimately the Truth can only be discovered by those who are inward bound, for we hold within us the answer to our own questions.
(Energy practices subtly alter the body’s chemistry and consciousness)
One of the radical surprises in the spiritual process is the fact that it begins to impact the energy in our bodies. We are seldom advised that participation in energy practices or meditation, or even intense devotion and prayer, subtly begins to change the energy flows and the chemistry within us. These bio-energetic changes are an essential part of the preparation for a new sense of who we are, a new kind of consciousness.
but as we enter our deepest stillness we may discover an awakening of energy beyond our imagination.
All of us have contractions and limitations in our self-expression because of energetic patterns locked into our bodies from the very beginning of life, woven through us as we were conditioned to feel and think in specific ways, to defend ourselves when we felt threatened, and to adapt and fit into our families, cultures and societies. At a deeper level the DNA likely holds familial and cultural patterning and certain other inherent tendencies. All of these experiences, as well as our capacity for sensation, intelligence, emotion and intuition, form an energy flow within us that is called the subtle body, or the energy body, in yoga science.
What left was the subtle energy field, the life force, the consciousness that is prior to your conditioned separate self.
(Kundalini deconstructs the old self to reveal true nature)
But its true function is to shift a person’s consciousness, to awaken his or her true nature, and it does this through a process that brings a deconstruction of the old self and collapses the familiar identifications. It may happen that health and longevity is improved but this is not a guarantee. Even people who are completely enlightened can experience physical pain and disease, and eventually pass away. Each of us will have our own unique experience with this energy, just as we do in other aspects of our lives.
This is a journey to freedom, and along the way there can be many joys and unexpected gifts. But it is perilous for the little “me”, the personality that thinks life is about acquiring more and more for itself.
A kundalini rising begins the process of reversing this journey, returning a person from mental complexity back to knowing Oneness, and returning with wisdom and understanding about existence rather than innocence. Kundalini has also been imaged as a goddess, because feminine energy is most often associated with the birth and sustenance of life forms. She is an aspect of Shakti, who when awakened from her slumber at the base of the spine, rushes through the subtle body to be reunited above the crown of the head with her lover, Siva, who represents pure consciousness existing prior to, or without, form.
The movement of senses, thoughts and emotions is carried by prana, and these actions form an entire flow of energies known as the subtle energy body. The efficiency with which this prana flows in a body has a significant impact on energy, spirit and health.
You are forced to become authentic and true to yourself. If you do not you will feel overwhelmed, divided and unhappy.
I was my energy, not my mind, and it made me very happy until circumstances in my family life brought the anxious mind back into domination and I came back down to earth. This awakening occurred when I was 41 years old, and had been meditating seriously for much of the past 15 years.
(Kundalini case studies: the force of awakening in real lives)
Bob, a man who had taught transcendental meditation for many years, attended a six-week retreat where he spent 12 hours a day in intense energy practices, and when his kundalini activated it rushed through his body like a train, knocking him into a near-unconscious state for several days. He felt like every nerve in his body was on edge, his mind could not focus, and he would sweat profusely at night. Emotional memories would arise, along with involuntary crying and laughing. He felt his life was ricocheting out of control.
Suddenly a gigantic rush of energy poured through his body and pressed against the top of his head. His heart pounded so fast he thought he would pass out and he knew he was going to die. He said to himself, “If that is what it takes to wake up then so be it.” At this, the energy burst through the top of his head and his consciousness expanded into a vast and empty spaciousness.
— After a direct experience of Self-realization, which, in this case, precedes the awakening of kundalini, rather than following it.
These events can seem to fulfill all the person’s longing to know there is indeed another world that is more beautiful and satisfying than the ordinary material world in which he or she lives.
(Mystical experiences are by-products, not the goal)
When these experiences happen, the tendency is to believe they were the goal, and then to attempt to recreate or hold on to them. Many spiritual seekers have felt like failures when such events do not continually recur, or mistakenly believe the goal is to be in a permanent state of mystical ecstasy and drama. But in fact these events are a by-product of the kundalini activation as it moves through and opens up the body and mind, and no one has the capacity to live in them permanently, or produce them deliberately or consistently. Their tendency is to pass away, just as all other phenomena pass away.
An example of this is an experience I had while meditating one night when I felt compelled to fall on the floor and drifted out of my body into an absorption into light and space that could only be described as seeming as if I were part of the Milky Way. I was lost in this for several hours, as if the mind had melted into the flowing light, until the cold in the room suddenly woke up my body, but the phenomena left me in bliss for hours more.
Long story short, I spent a month in literal hell with terrible undiagnosed pain in the left side of my head. I tried narcotics and alcohol and marijuana and B vitamins and heat and ice and valerian and arnica and…and…and…I was like a wolf in a trap. It did not feel bearable to me. My consciousness shrunk down to nothing but the perception of agonizing physical pain.
I slowly began to try and crawl my way out of the pain. Acupuncture afforded some relief, and I began doing some research of my own. I found a cranial-sacral healer that I thought might be able to help. During our first session, we were able to calm my nervous system down to what he called a “still point” and it felt like bliss. My mind stopped and I could rest in peace. At this session he told me that I was experiencing kundalini and suggested a few web sites for me to explore.
These movements are unfamiliar, and so they are interpreted as a sign of illness, even though their true function is simply a restructuring of the subtle field that may ultimately strengthen the flexibility of the body. Sometimes kriyas are gentle, even blissful, and at other times they feel sharp and uncomfortable.
One woman I interviewed felt compelled to bathe in salt-water, and would dump boxes of it into the bathtub. Another person felt compelled to sort out all the silverware and other kitchen objects into male and female categories. Some people feel a need to purify their home, thoroughly cleaning everything.
(Physical and energetic disruptions during awakening)
In addition to the tendency of kundalini to find problems, the stress of the highly amplified energy can cause physical problems such as adrenal exhaustion, hormonal imbalances, short-term visual dysfunction, headaches, burning sensations, back pain and other discomforts.
One issue that arises for some people is an over-stimulation of their energy field, leading to hormonal difficulties, adrenal exhaustion, thyroid issues and other factors. They jump out of hyper-activity into profound exhaustion and energy depletion. It is as if they have blown up their chemical and nervous systems. Usually this is the result of too frequent or intense energy practices. All practices that manipulate energy and consciousness can become overwhelming if done too frequently. Some people do Tantra practices, Qigong, and energy healing all in a day. Or they may do shamanic practices, heavy fasting, breathwork and kundalini yoga in a 2-week period.
One of the most commonly reported issues after kundalini arises is insomnia. This is an ancient and well-documented problem. In tantric literature it is suggested that one simply recognize that they need much less sleep and do something useful with the time, like meditation or spiritual reading. If someone meditates a great deal of time his or her actual need for sleep is diminished. Also the energies tend to run more actively at night when we are in a more sedentary state. Once you realize you do not need as much sleep as in the past it is helpful to let go of thoughts and worries about it and find a way to enjoy the extra time.
Many people find as consciousness becomes more full or alive in them their psychic capacity changes, and they may have an interior message when a family member is ill or dying, a flash about an impending event, or simply be thinking of a distant friend before they suddenly call. For example, one woman felt compelled to turn around and drive to her father’s home one day, and on arriving discovered he had just suffered a stroke. Of course many people are psychically sensitive who are not in a spiritual process, and in the teachings of kundalini science, this is thought to be related to brain centers that are more open in some people than in others.
When she went into a hypnotic state the story that came forward was not about modern aliens, but about ancient Egypt, and she began to channel an entity that appeared to be a light being that had merged with her in a ritual in the pyramids in a previous life.
Psychokinesis is a similar phenomenon, in which objects tend to move spontaneously across a table or fall off a mantel, in the presence of someone with a high pranic energy field. Some systems of energy-manipulation teach methods of using mental concentration to accomplish this directly. I have also participated in what is called a Psi-party, in which a group of several hundred people were taught how to bend metal objects, such as spoons, by concentrated thought, and most people were able to do this within an hour in that environment. The children present were particularly adept at this because they had no preconceived notions that it couldn’t be done. I have witnessed similar practices used to make seeds sprout within minutes, and to bend metal bars. This is not spiritual awakening, but rather playing energy games, and it does not require kundalini arousal to accomplish it. However it demonstrates the potential of the underused human psyche.
For the purposes of this book I will define samadhi experiences as absorption of consciousness into mystical states of unity, peace, light or energy, sometimes with a clear perception of existential truths, even Self-realization. (There are many levels of samadhi in Sanscrit scriptures). Satori is defined as a glimpse of Truth, a profound sense of, “I am not existent as a separate being yet I am everything” or, “This pure and open consciousness with no identity is what I truly am”.
(Conditioning stored in the subtle body comes undone during kundalini)
All of our conditioning, which has shaped our patterns of thinking and perceiving what is happening to us, is woven into the subtle energy body field. When kundalini arises, either before or after a spiritual realization, this conditioning is coming undone. Our structure of identification, how we think of who we are, is falling apart.
Thomas Keating, a Catholic monk, who wrote several books about a meditation process called Centering Prayer that is used with Christian contemplation, calls this deconstruction the unloading of the unconscious. Other systems have called it purification, or clearing. If a person feels either inflated or dejected by this challenging drama of psychological release, and has no understanding of its function, he or she can stay stuck in this cul-de-sac of suffering for a long time.
In some spiritual systems, like Tibetan Buddhism, great complex visualizations enable one to see through the workings of mind in order to collapse the dependence and beliefs related to the illusory self, long before awakening occurs. Other traditions use energy practices, sound practices, the development of compassion, or a dedication to karma yoga, which is basically steady work and service without any attachment to the results, all of which are long-standing methodologies for breaking down attachment to the ego, and preparing or cleansing the mind, in order to facilitate a fruitful and stable awakening experience.
arose. These are not experiences common to everyone, but are situations I have often seen in my work. They are: 1) A sudden awakening can feel like a major threat to the physical body. 2) A psychological reaction of depression, rage or anxiety related to changes in energy, interests, and personal identification. 3) A terror of emptiness, or of darkness. 4) Special issues arising due to sexual or physical abuse in childhood.
She was so hot she felt she was on fire, and she was incapacitated by stomach gurglings, and a need to be near the bathroom. Her body shook and she couldn’t eat or sleep. At times she felt paralyzed, curled in a fetal position on the floor. She wondered if she was dying, while at the same some part of her mind was telling her that
Sometimes I am asked if kundalini is dangerous, and I usually say it does not need to be, because I believe that fear in the receiver of this energy magnifies the difficulty of the experience. The function of kundalini awakening is positive, being a natural movement of consciousness to clear the way for a peaceful and wise life. But fear is inevitable if you have no context for such an experience, do not see any spiritual or physical advantage to it, and believe that it is destroying your life.
In the case of James, I believe the LSD triggered a quantum leap before his body/mind was ready for it, and so he was very vulnerable. It is like going into zero gravity without astronaut training. It’s a huge leap for the body/mind and can leave one in extreme states of confusion and exhaustion, overcharging and burning out the nervous system. So when this happens it is essential to take time to recuperate, eat properly, avoid stress, and strengthen or renew the physical body, however long it may take. In addition, yogis believe that drugs cause toxins to remain in the body, which inhibit the correct movement of energy until they have worked their way out of the system.
Without a teacher who can help us navigate and integrate these forces we can be stuck for a long time. In these situations one needs therapy to heal the psychic pain and splits, and spiritual guidance to find the light of awake presence in oneself. Knowing our true nature allows us to transcend the limitations of our physical situation.
But the capacity of mind is more limited than the capacity of Self, which is all-inclusive, and its role needs to be relegated to the background, used for practical applications in the relative world. There is actually a natural dropping away of the self-criticism and inner chatter about “my” life, once a deep awakening occurs. The over-seer, or what Freud called the super-ego, may have little influence any longer, once it is clear that there is no separate self, and everything that happened in our past was simply a string of events about which we no longer need to concern ourselves.
There is no more room for lying to yourself about how you are going to express yourself in the world, and there is a deep interior impulse to move in new ways you may not have considered in your pre-awakened condition. Many spiritual teachers will say this is so – that they never imagined themselves in the roles they now play, or had any attraction to such roles, when they were doing other work in the world. I was astonished after my kundalini awakening to find myself a therapist specializing in such an obscure topic, and able to lecture without self-consciousness wherever I was
invited. In no way could I have imagined this five years earlier. But it was obvious it was where I belonged at that time.
It is useful if you find yourself in this condition, to ask two questions: “Who is it that had this experience and thinks they have lost it?” See if you
can find that person, that separateness, and you may be surprised. And go into your heart and ask: “Has that experience of knowing really gone away?”
(Meeting fear and emptiness on the path)
I woke up one morning with my entire body in a state of fear, and yet there seemed to be no triggering factor — no thought, no event, nothing happening in the room, not even a dream to tell me why I was afraid. As I felt my way into the energy of this experience I found that it was an energy housed in my cells, as if my nervous system was stuck in a strange vibration that could hardly bare the temporariness of life, as if at any moment the body would be gone.
The important thing is to meet your fear of emptiness with compassion. Release it or move past it if you can, or soothe the mind by understanding what others have had to say about it.
These are not experiences of energy as we think of it, but rather openings in consciousness, beyond the energy phenomena. This nothingness or emptiness can also be called vastness, unlimitedness, that which is deathless and eternal.
Hold still where you are, feel yourself to be That, and see where consciousness will take you. No one can speak of this place in language: all words seem to degrade it. It cannot be talked of clearly, but it can be known. Do not let the contraction of fear prevent the openness of being present in this unanticipated spaciousness, simply because the mind does not understand it. This is a place beyond thought, and so the mind and the small self feel threatened. It is a profound invitation into a new territory.
Remember that the function of kundalini is to make one free, and freedom cannot happen as long as parts of a life are hidden. Consciousness must meet its history in order to free it.
Within the subtle body are 3 finer elemental bodies carrying emotions, thought and senses, and all of our internal activities flow through these bodies. Prana is the term for the energy as it goes through us, and it is fueled by breath. Prana is differentiated into five kinds, said to be responsible for all movements, voluntary and involuntary, such as sneezing, coughing, the circulation of the heart, elimination, sexual action, movement, blinking, etc. Each of the five pranas has a certain directional flow, up or down or circular. Breathing and concentration practices in yoga are used to expand prana, or manipulate it in specific ways to strengthen the body, and facilitate the activation of kundalini.
The awakening must progress before a person will feel complete, and freed from fluctuations and mood swings.
or pure spirit without identification. Universal consciousness initially moves into this causal form in order to create an experience of life as an apparent separate physical being. Kundalini yoga would call this minute point where manifestation is initiated a bindu, and say it is rooted in limitless undifferentiated consciousness.
(Practical guidance for supporting the awakening process)
recognizing the divinity and wholeness that shines everywhere in the world of form, as well as the formless. This return is called “embodiment” by some teachers.
If you do energy practices or meditation, you may experience a sense of spirit swelling up within you, blissfulness, restlessness and difficulty sleeping for long periods. You may feel sensitive, as if your skin is thinner, and you may feel ungrounded, as if there is nothing to hold on to anymore. The energy field is expanding and opening and you have to learn to function in new ways to accommodate it. You can stuff it down temporarily by stopping all practices, eating heavy foods, intellectualizing for long periods, or falling into negative moods, but it won’t feel as good as allowing yourself to become fully and unconditionally alive. Finally, if you support your unfolding with an open mind and heart, where you may end up is happy, calm, steady and energized, with occasional downloads of bliss and wisdom.
We could think of kundalini as the feminine face of God. There are many god-images in India, because Vedanta sees every aspect of life as an aspect of the divine One, called Brahman.
lightly. There is no advantage to fasting, which can intensify the difficulties. Alcohol, recreational drugs, and even cigarette smoke will increase toxins and stress on the body. In times of intense energy some people report that eating some hamburger or other red meat will calm things down a bit, grounding them. Others report that heavy breads and root vegetables are helpful. It is best to listen to what your body wants, experiment, and nurture yourself appropriately. 3. Focus more in the heart and the belly than in the head. Look for practices that bring you into the present moment, here and now, eyes open, grounded. A devotional practice such as chanting, or doing a heart-centered meditation, can help the energy open you to an experience of the deeper part of yourself, the eternal part.
If you have a divine image, (a god, goddess, spiritual teacher, saint, or symbol), that is comforting, use it as an ally during this time, talking to him, or her, or it, and asking for support. Some people report that feeling surrounded by light, or visualizing being wrapped in gray silk, seems to calm things down. All of these are powerful archetypal energies that help the psyche when it is moving through challenging changes.
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Wake up each day expecting not to know what will happen, and looking with curiosity for the events to unfold. Instead of worrying and controlling, simply be present to whatever arises, intending to meet it fully. Whatever happens in the process of spiritual awakening will be unpredictable and will move on, if you are simply the one noticing it, and not doing battle or making a big project out of it. 6. You may have emotional swings, energetic swings, psychic openings, and other undesired shifts that feel unfamiliar, and foreign to the person you think you are. Be the observer. Don’t feel you have to fix or change anything. Recognize that these are natural correlates to awakening and try to avoid becoming either enchanted or distracted by them. They are movements of mind and if you can witness them pass, rather than engaging them, they will move by more quickly.
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Give up going places that are stressful and being with people who cause you pain. Sometimes people seem to be more acutely sensitive when kundalini arises. They can’t tolerate the energy of large discount warehouses, or smoky nightclubs, or the kind of family gatherings that are tense and competitive.
Don’t feel you have to prove anything by forcing yourself to be someone you aren’t. Give up the fantasy that if you are “enlightened” you should be happy wherever you are or under all circumstances. Rediscover what is naturally comfortable for you to do, and to be. Live more authentically. In this process you may also find a new creative urge, which is a wonderful opportunity to express what is happening. Draw, write, dance, work with clay, paint, garden — all of these are great ways of nurturing yourself through the deep psychic changes you are experiencing. 10. Find an awakened teacher to hang out with. For many people with spiritual awakenings, meditation is an intrinsic part of their lives. An awakened teacher will bring you a transmission of peace, and an opportunity to sit deeply in the silence of your true nature.
When you learn from them the art of sitting and just being, you will find the cure for the suffering of life. In time the activity of the mind and complaints of the body fall away, and there is a deep understanding and love that arises, which brings a sense of completion, openness, freshness and an invitation to the expression of the greater Self.
It may be felt as the “I-am”, or simply the presence of being. There is an emanation of love from this stillness, a soothing and all-inclusive perspective in which what is happening in this moment is perfectly okay. When it becomes conscious and sees through the arguments, they often fall away, and what is true is revealed.
(Self-realization beyond accumulating mystical experiences)
It is an innocent mistake to believe that if we simply accumulate enough mystical experiences we will be enlightened. These are such awesome moments that the mind places great significance on them. Likewise we may believe that our kundalini process will enlighten us if only we keep working and working on practices, and indeed it does provide us with moments of ecstasy and insight beyond what we knew before it awakened. The mind thinks it knows how to get to the spiritual goal, enjoys the drama of mysticism, and subliminally resists Self-realization because it will mean its own diminishment, so it can keep us in holding patterns for years, even for lifetimes. Also, the fact that we are continually distracted by other attractions in life, or entangled in emotional reactions or intellectual demands, keeps us from having the complete and total dedication to Truth that would lead us into a stable and permanent Self-realized life. Our personal desires and concepts continually reanimate the ego, even after a deep initial awakening.
This is a great disservice to the Truth, because awakening is always here in every moment, available to every one of us, no matter what the history or core experience of our life. It is rare because so few of us are willing to give up our stance, or belief systems, or personality attachments, in order to see what is beneath them. To sense directly the awareness that shines through all beings, peers through our eyes, enlivens our senses, empowers our motivations, and carries us through every moment of life, is to take the first step in the radical awakening to Truth which can lead ultimately to self-realization or liberation. We can experience this when we become very, very quiet, in a moment when there is no mental activity of any sort that we reach for or grasp, no practice to do, no idea to uphold. This is the point of sitting meditation. It is not that we reject the world, because rejection is also activity. We simply move into the silence, the deep stillness that is underneath all form and all movement, in the same way that the sky holds all planetary forms and every other part of existence.
exists, always exists, and never stops existing, and our personal lives are superimposed upon it. To wake up is to know oneself as That. Jesus said it as, “I am that I am”; the Non-dual sage Nisardagatta said it as, “I am that”; Ramana Maharshi, the great sage who taught Self-Inquiry, said it, “There is only the Self”; Buddha said it, “There is no self.” When asked if he was enlightened, he simply said “I am awake!”.
“You” will never be enlightened, whatever you think this means (and everyone has a different idea). You can go through a process in which the separate sense of an “I” who wants or needs enlightenment collapses, and what remains is free of contraction and desire, enjoying life as a miracle of creation appearing out of nothing, and seeing through the delusions and foibles of the conventional mindset, including your own. Enlightenment is the condition of living in the moment from the pure awakened consciousness before it attaches itself to any desire or condition. It is relaxing into spontaneity and responding without division in a way that is open and free of conditioning, moving from the heart and a natural wisdom. It is that which sees through the veils of delusion about life, including our self-delusion.
Most spiritual schools will tell you they can take you off the path to realization, because they bring the temptation of becoming a new identity that is more “spiritual” or “special” and you can get stuck in that for many more lifetimes. Some schools of training, however, are all about developing these capacities, and if that is your destiny, your heart’s calling, you will probably go in that direction, as least until the impulse has burned away and lost its ability to intrigue you. After all, the game of walking on water, manifesting objects, precognition, levitating, and transmigrating is only another dimension of experience and has very little practical utility in your life.
What is the meaning of my vision? There is no need in a spiritual process to understand the meaning of a vision. If insight arises, you may find this interesting and it can be comforting, and sometimes a vision is a way of the subconscious imaging an important movement or transition in your life; but if not, it may be just as valuable, because it arose from the unconscious to unfold something new in the psyche. What you need to “know” will be given to you in right timing. Unlike psychotherapy, which helps you make your life work better by examining the deep unconscious memories of history, spiritual awakening has no interest in activities of the mind for self-understanding. The movement is to release dependence on thought and mind, disengaging consciousness from enmeshment with the personal life, so that you can directly experience your Self, which is the Whole, unlimited, vastness, the One.