Gurdjieff's Transformational Psychology

GURDJIEFF Whereas my formal education in psychology at college had left me confused, empty and provided no real understanding of myself, Gurdjieff’s presentation had just the opposite effect. When I came in touch with the Gurdjieff Work, it felt as if I had walked by a gigantic magnet and every part of me — my thoughts, emotions and my body — was magnetized and pulled towards it. I felt for the first time that I was being fed real ideas, concepts, practices, and everything was experiential and not just intellectual. I started to understand myself and what I was experiencing. Whereas everything that I had learned in college felt purely subjective and liable to change at any moment, the Work was different. It illuminated and made understandable many experiences that I already had and I sensed that this knowledge and understanding came from a very high level — beyond Gurdjieff as an individual man — from a center of knowledge and understanding that existed outside of any particular time or culture.

By the time he was in his early twenties, Gurdjieff had decided to devote his life to answering the questions of the purpose of life on the earth and the aim of human existence, and the nearly unbridgeable gaps between the vastness of human potential and humanity’s limited development thus far.

Gurdjieff created conditions to help people experience and understand the reasons for their “abnormal” state of consciousness and its terrible consequences. He developed methods to enable them to verify their inadequate state of consciousness and to improve it.

The unexamined belief of both therapist and client that they are awake is never examined. Is their belief correct? Are they awake? If we look carefully at certain terms used in psychological parlance, such as “transference,” “countertransference,” and “projection,” they are actually clues that unconscious mechanisms operate in the midst of this “conscious” therapy.

To wish to wake up, one must notice that he or she might not be fully awake; for this to occur, one must see this sleeping aspect of their “conscious” state repeatedly.

observation. When a person sees through the veil of sleep and gathers proof that he is asleep most of the time, then the wish to escape from this waking-sleeping state may take hold. The Work is a vehicle for helping people become fully alive, wake up out of their semi-sleep, gain their own independent knowledge, and find the purpose of their own and humanity’s existence.

We live out our lives moving toward what we have come to like and away from what we dislike. What is beyond like and dislike? Almost always, we remain uninterested in what this might be.

It remains unremembered because although we experienced it, it was not recorded by us in a useful way. We were not present. There was no “I” there to record it, only the mechanism of ourselves going through the motions.

How can human beings be made aware of the fact that they are not conscious and might still become conscious, if they already believe they are conscious and thus remain uninterested in making any effort? I have found the following analogy useful in understanding my condition. Imagine a young fish swimming in a foul, polluted area of a river near a factory that dumps chemicals into the water continuously. The water she swims in is not fresh, yet it is the only water she knows. Because of her limited experience, she is uninterested in finding fresher water, since most of her time is spent just looking for things to eat and trying to avoid predators. Such is the state of consciousness of most people. They are not aware of the precariousness of their situation and the limited nature of the consciousness they are swimming in. They will not be aware of it until they have glimpsed another state of consciousness. Then they must see how easily they drop back into their habitual patterns, back into the muck they are used to.

“Attention” may be defined as the state of mind wherein a person concentrates on some feature of his environment to the relative exclusion of the rest. If his attention is haphazard, yet the primary means he has of collecting facts about the world or self-knowledge, then the knowledge he receives will likewise be fragmentary and limited. Thus we have a very limited and rather eclectic array of self-knowledge that is stored in us as associative memories. These associative memories do not give us any kind of reliable self-knowledge. Nor do we have any method for learning to focus our attention more accurately.

Focused attention is an important capacity to develop in order to lead an effective life. However, if we wish to acquire true self-knowledge, there is a subtler, yet deeper, attention we must cultivate.

Jacques Lusseyran was blinded at the age of eight in a school accident. He says the following about attention in his masterpiece, Against the Pollution of the I: Because of my blindness, I had developed a new faculty. Strictly speaking, all men have it, but almost all forget to use it. That faculty is attention. In order to live without eyes it is necessary to be very attentive, to remain hour after hour in a state of wakefulness, of receptiveness and activity. Indeed, attention is not simply a virtue of intelligence or the result of education, and something one can do without. It is a state without which we shall never be able to perfect ourselves. In its truest sense it is the listening post of the universe. Lusseyran went on to lead a children’s resistance movement as part of the French underground during World War II. He was able to develop his attention to such a level that he memorized the details of each of his six hundred child accomplices, even though he couldn’t see them. He served as head of the children’s resistance until it merged with the main French Resistance. Lusseyran’s blindness had forced him to develop not only focused attention, but other possibilities of attention that remain dormant in most of us.

GROUNDWORK FOR SELF-STUDY Before outlining some practices regarding attention, let me offer some principles that in my experience are essential for self-study. • The aim of self-observation is to see the truth about myself. My commitment to truth must include a passionate wish for objectivity. • Everything I see about myself must ultimately include compassion for myself, real interest in my life and purpose, and interest and compassion for others.

Those who begin on a spiritual path are especially prone to this and it likewise holds true for those in the Gurdjieff Work. In

To counter this tendency, I use the following phrase whenever I see or learn something about myself: “Oh, this is so interesting. I must find out more!”

DRUGS: OH DAMN, DO I HAVE TO GIVE THEM UP? I am putting in this little piece about drugs at the very beginning, since it is very important. This Work has no place for recreational drugs. Whether it is the occasional use of marijuana, cocaine, psychedelics, or over-consumption of alcohol, all such usage will gradually cause you to stagnate. While alcohol has probably the most limited psychoactive potential for harm, you have no doubt seen the deleterious effects of alcohol abuse at all levels of society. It has destroyed many people in the Gurdjieff Work as well.

In general, the more psychoactive the potential interactions of a drug are, the greater the amount of psychic energy you will waste, and the more potential damage the drug can do to your psyche. For those who have used drugs, do not give up hope. This work, if applied earnestly, can help you undo the damage. Many people turn to drugs to escape their inner contradictions. Gurdjieff said that drugs might be used to give someone a taste of higher states, but drugs needed to be abandoned as soon as possible. Drugs and Work do not mix. In fact, drugs may use up any real potential you might have for Work, due to their psychological and endocrinological effects. Drugs vary in terms of their danger and their effects, but the most insidious are the hallucinogens. I consider marijuana to be a mild hallucinogen. Hallucinogens produce an altered state in their users. As your body metabolizes or digests these chemical compounds, it must call up its reserves of finer substances stored in the body, whose proper purpose is to further inner development. When you metabolize these special substances, you experience an altered state due to the release of finer chemicals. I wish this altered state carried a warning label. It would read, “Warning! This altered state you are now in, with all its vivid new impressions, might have been truly yours if you had worked. Now, it may be too late because you may have wasted all your energy. Stop now! Learn how to use your energy. Start working on yourself!” Imagine that at birth, each person is given a limited amount of these unique substances. These substances serve a special purpose. They are construction materials for creating two higher “bodies,” called by Gurdjieff the “Kesdjan body,” and the “Soul body.”

Psychotropic drugs release and waste these unique substances. This is not their only effect. Psychotropic drugs create a psychological and physiological addiction that may make any authentic effort or work on oneself impossible. Drugs can sound a death knell for a person inter ested in Work. One of their insidious characteristics is that they can give us a taste of the real world, and this taste is something we deeply crave, and we begin to believe that through the drug, we have found a way toward this deeper life.

Drugs gave you a taste of what is possible, but only through real effort can you develop this taste into something of your own. Quit the drugs and begin the journey.

The aim of these practices is not self-improvement, but to begin to learn how to focus your attention, so that you are the one who is directing your attention, rather than allowing something in the environment to attract it. I want you to try to verify for yourself everything I suggest in this book. Verification will require the exercise of your attention. No one can verify anything for you. It will require energy. Only as your study of your own sleep and lack of attention convinces you of your predicament, will you find the fuel for your further journey.

1. Each time you pass through a doorway during the day, stop for a second in the doorway, and inwardly count “1, 2, 3.” Then walk through. See if you are attentive enough to stop in the doorway before going through. 2. When you are eating, pay attention to the first bite of your food, and see if you can taste it while you are chewing and swallowing it. Only the first bite. 3. As you walk, pick a point in the distance and keep your attention on it as you come closer. Notice whether your attention is pulled about. Change nothing, just notice. 4. Place your attention on the second hand of your watch. Try to keep your attention on it as it circles the clock face once. Notice what interrupts you. 5. Sit for five minutes and think about some subject that interests you. Notice what your attention does. Sit for five minutes and do nothing. Notice where your attention is pulled. Do not try to direct it; rather, just be aware of how it moves about. 6. At a meeting where you do not need to speak and while listening to others, place your attention on the palm of your left hand for one minute.

CHAPTER 2 SELF-OBSERVATION Self-study is the work or the way which leads to self-knowledge. But in order to study oneself one must first learn how to study, where to begin, what methods to use. A man must learn how to study himself, and he must study the methods of self-study. —G. I. Gurdjieff A guiding principle of the Work is its insistence that you do not believe anything without verifying it for yourself—not a teacher, not Gurdjieff, not a group leader, or anyone else.

An additional concept to keep in mind is that all exercises and practices are best learned and applied over discrete periods of time. This allows for the gradual harmonization of the changes induced by the exercise with our already accustomed tempo of being. It is best when working with any practice to make it time limited rather than attempting to do it at all times. For example, when working with self-observation, it is important to have a clear idea in mind when you are working with it and decide ahead for how long you will work.

According to Gurdjieff’s system, there are in addition to these states, two other states possible for us: self-consciousness/self-remembering and cosmic/objective consciousness. I list the states of consciousness in Gurdjieff’s system here in descending order, from the highest to the lowest: 4. Cosmic/Objective Consciousness. In this state, human beings can see things as they are. This state is often referred to as “enlightenment.” 3. Self-Consciousness/Self-Remembering. Awareness of one’s being We cannot achieve this state just by wanting to or by thinking about it, or believing we have it. It takes work.

2. Waking-Sleeping State. Gurdjieff defined this as our usual “Waking State.” This is the state where we move around and engage in activities as if we were conscious of ourselves and awake, but we are not. This state is characterized by random associative thinking and daydreaming. 1. Sleep. The passive state in which we spend a third of our lives. We may or may not dream while we are in this state.

Self-Consciousness is characterized by an awareness of yourself being alive, while doing whatever you are doing. Contrast this experience with your normal state, where you are engaged in activities and yet are unaware of yourself existing. We may consider self-consciousness as a great step beyond our habitual existence.

The habitual nature of all our psychological processes—our thinking, emotions, and reactions to information we receive from the five senses—is one of the primary reasons we tend to continually repeat the same behavior patterns during our lifetimes.

The word “awareness” implies being mindful or heedful, alert and poised to respond rather than just react. Awareness links us with the further possibility of true self-consciousness. Awareness has the special quality that we simultaneously experience being present and existing in whatever we are doing while we are doing it, over and above our habitual behavior. When in a state of awareness, there is a certainty of our existence while we are thinking, emoting, or receiving sensations.

It is of the utmost importance that we learn to distinguish awareness from our automatic waking state. Distinguishing the difference is akin to developing a taste for fine food or wine; you must experience and notice the difference in taste, that one is finer than the other. If you do not develop this sensitivity, then any old food will do.

The word “effort” does not effectively communicate the idea of self-observation or the state of awareness it leads

to, because it connotes an image of having to lift something heavy. The effort we are trying is light and clear—the effortless effort. Both self-observation and the state of awareness may be distinguished by certain characteristics: (a) a lack of self-criticism; (b) the absence of the need to improve or direct; and (c) a lack of self-analysis.

Awareness that comes from self-observation simply is! When we experience awareness, we feel truly alive and self-conscious— that is, conscious of ourselves in the moment.

What we need, however, are practices that can develop and integrate all the centers simultaneously. In our organism, three major centers automatically weave together our movements, thinking, and emotions into a complex tapestry. Each center contains a negative and a positive part; that is, a part of each center says either “I like” or “I dislike” to almost every manifestation it makes or to any stimulus it receives.

When you study and become familiar with your postures, how they change and when, you may find that each posture correlates with an emotional state or a thought pattern. Just knowing about your postures alone can give you a great deal of information about yourself. One exciting aspect of studying the body is that it can provide an incredibly easy means of helping you to enter into a state of awareness. The study of the human body is a primary area for you to begin your self-study, as it provides a definite focus for objective self-observation.

The important difference between this type of observation of oneself and ordinary observation is that it is not automatic, but rather it is intentional and interested, and yet neither critical nor analytical of what it observes. It is “witnessing.” Objective self-observation is witnessing without criticism or interpretation

As I stated before, self-observation is free from any self-criticism. The observing faculty within you is simply aware of your existence. This faculty is not concerned with making you better or changing whatever you observe. Its objectivity, or neutrality, is fundamental to the practice of self-observation. Developing a proper grounding in objective self-observation takes some time and will support deeper study of emotions and cognitive patterns.

Beginning Self-Observation 1. Begin by paying gentle attention to the manifestations of your body—its movements, postures, gestures, tone of voice, and facial expressions. 2. Paying attention to only one or another body manifestation when you remember is all you need do in the beginning. 3. You do not need to change anything that you notice. There is no need to make it better or different. 4. If you find yourself describing intellectually what you notice, that is fine. Your aim is not really to describe, but it happens. It is interesting to notice your habit of analyzing and still gain new impressions of yourself. 5. There is no need to try to stop or alter any manifestation of your body. 6. If you are in a Work group, discuss what you noticed with others. (A Work group is an association of individuals who are attempting to work using Gurdjieff’s ideas for their own self-development. It offers a forum for discussing ongoing observations and self-study.)

For example, self-observation leads to uncovering parts of our emotional life, as well as to latent abilities that we know little about. Self-observation also may also lead you into difficult places. That is why the simultaneous development of self-compassion becomes so important. Self-observation seems simple, yet this is deceptive. Unbeknownst to us, we are disharmonized and it is difficult for us to be simple. The psychological disharmonization we suffer from is the result of multigenerational dysfunction. In other words, our current habitual inattentiveness is hundreds of generations old, allowing us the simple state of awareness only as an accidental experience. It takes time to learn to obtain objective knowledge through self-observation, and you need to be clear, patient, and gentle with yourself.

One of the difficulties of Gurdjieff’s terminology for self-observation derives from his use of the word “self.” In many ways, it might have been more exact to say “Jim-observation” or “Sue-observation,” or my preference, “biographical-I-observation.” The word “self” is not exact. The word “self” connotes unity and essentiality, a unified whole that is one. However, you will see that the self you observe is far from unified, and so your observation may be more akin to observing only a part of Sue or Bill at any one time. Yet I use the word “I” all the time to describe myself, how I feel, think, etc. In actuality, I do not have one “I,” but am a multiplicity of different “I’s.” 4 That is not really a problem, since the emphasis is to develop your ability to observe, to develop an “observing I” that becomes familiar with all your “I’s.” Developing your capacity for self-observation is more important than the content of what you observe. Content may vary, but impartiality and acceptance of the impressions you receive must always be emphasized, and compassion included. The aim of self-observation is to develop your own real “I.” When I say “real I,” I mean the part of me that begins as an “I” that is able to observe my multiplicity impartially. This real “I” that comes through self-observation has very definite qualities. It is objective and capable of impartial thought. Since it is born from and nourished exclusively through impressions of myself, it knows me. Eventually, it understands all the intellectual, emotional, and physically oriented “I’s” in my psyche. Real “I” is capable of having a will; that is, it can carry out an aim. As we are now, we have no unified will. One “I” decides to do something like clean up the house, and a host of other “I’s” decide to do other things—read a book or go to the movies. Rather than belonging to one will, each “I” has a separate will, and these different “I’s” that make up the multiplicity of my “self” are continually at odds with one another. This lack of will leaves me in a situation where I really cannot make a decision that anyone—even I—can rely on.

CORRECT SELF-OBSERVATION IS IMPARTIAL AND TAKES PLACE IN THE MOMENT Self-observation is not to be governed by likes and dislikes or any emotional reaction to what you observe; what you observe (that is, the impressions you receive) are simply recorded without liking or disliking—this is the definition of impartiality. Certain people may have an automatic tendency toward negativity and even find they hate themselves as they receive new impressions of themselves. They may become hypercritical of what they observe and strive to become “better.” Others will receive impressions of themselves and feel superior or prideful. None of these reactions should be countered in any direct way. Such negativity or pride will prevail unless you continually foster interest and compassion towards yourself. You need to be both curious and gentle. Simply emphasize the collection of more data, not whether the data is good, bad, or needs analysis. Then your real “I” can grow. Otherwise, you will tend to fall into liking, disliking, and analyzing, rather than coming to a state of awareness.

is no liking or disliking—and synchronous. It takes place as my body manifests and not as an afterthought. In this way a separate, objective faculty is gradually created within me. This faculty is distinct from the actions of my body, distinct from my habitual sense of self, and distinct from my likes and dislikes. This new faculty…

Specific Areas for Self-Observation 1. General bodily movements: Experience your overt movements of the arms, hands, legs, feet, head, face, and torso. Be attentive and interested. Observe by experiencing your movements at times during the day without judging them. Do not try this exercise for prolonged periods. Quality of your effort is more important than quantity. 2. Posture: Notice when you are standing or sitting, and that you stand or sit in a particular way. 3. Gesture: When you are speaking to others, notice your gestures, the demonstrative movements you make with your hands, arms, and head. 4. Tone of voice: Notice when your tone of voice changes. When you are upset, notice whether your voice sounds shrill or sounds different from times when you are calm; and notice how your voice sounds at many different times. The telephone…

5. Facial expression: This is a difficult area to study in oneself. Don’t be discouraged by the difficulty, but notice your facial expression from time to time. Sometimes you may notice a grimace or a smile on your face. It can be helpful to hold the expression for a few moments. 6. Sensation: When I begin to feel angry or upset, I can notice very quickly how my respiration may speed up or become shallow, or how I feel a change in some body processes, such as heartburn, heart palpitations, nervous sensations in the pit of my stomach, or sensations of anxiety in my…

C. Daly King, a student of Orage and a psychologist who was instrumental in the development of the lie detector, says this, “Self observation presumes a real and valid distinction between the observer and the observed, between the being

himself and his observed organism.” 5 The result of this separation is awareness.

I also need to develop compassion towards myself while I learn more about myself. I need compassion to support me even if my personality does not like what I uncover. My objective faculty then becomes a special container that can hold the difficult aspects of myself that I might not otherwise be able to bear. Gradually, as my real “I” grows and is able to bear my unpleasant manifestations, new integration or transformation can take place. It is important to keep in mind the qualities of impartial self-observation that lead to self-consciousness and awareness. However, they are not absolute by any means. You do not need to obsessively measure your observations to see whether they are objective and compassionate, just keep these qualities in mind.

Chapter 3 Gurdjieffian Concepts

“Identification” is a very special term in Gurdjieff’s Work. Surprisingly, Gurdjieff himself mentioned it only rarely. People in the Work constantly talk about “not being identified.” We speak as if we actually understand the concept.

These words made me begin to think about my personality and my egoism. All those traits that define me and which I take pride in, those I consider to be me—could they possibly be just a glorified state of identification? Could the personality I treasure so much be just a statue erected in my honor, for my own continual glorification?

Identification refers to my attachment—that is, an inability to separate my authentic-I (to be discussed in depth later on) from that to which any of my “I’s” are attached, be it an idea, person, belief, image, feeling, sensation, situation, material object, group, or anything else. In trying to find a way out of my state of identification, my experience in psychology is a wonderful resource. Here again, I find a paradox in working with identification. The Work leads me to believe that I should not be identified and even asks me to struggle to “not be identified.” This advice sounds simple, and it is, if I look only on the surface— if I do not ponder how I can be “not identified.”

or, as I prefer to call it, “disidentification.” How do I know? The truth is, in order to disidentify, I need to be fully identified and, at the same time, notice and observe my identification. In short, I am willing to be in a state of identification, wake up, see that state and not tinker with it. Instead, my observing “I” witnesses me, identified. In this way, I may begin to taste what is called “separation.” I need to be identified, experience it fully, and also be present to observe

it. In order to glimpse my identification, I need look no further than the hundreds of small worries and concerns that always distract me. For example, my inner considering of how others see me or whether they appreciate me or not. Other areas for self-observation are at my job, my activities and my concerns about them.

The key difference among people is not so much a difference in their level of consciousness or being, but rather in the content of their identification, their almost infinite attachments. The pattern of identification keeps a person locked in a finite repertoire of experiences by limiting what he has experienced, and his potential for new experience. In fact, it might be clear to you by now that identification is a type of prison that confines each of us to a limited life.

Again, impartial self-observation can bring me the experience of awareness that exists simultaneously with my state of identification. Gurdjieff says, “‘Identification’ is so common a quality that for purposes of observation, it is difficult to separate it from everything else.

Man is always in a state of identification, only the object of identification changes.”

Gradually, I will find that I cannot separate from my body by using only my intellectual center, and that is where sensing will come to my aid. I also cannot

use artificial means (drugs, holotropic breathing, a shocking reminder from a guru, etc.) and produce any useful, lasting results. Separation takes place gradually, through practicing proper self-observation and through sensing.

JUNE 5, 1950. When one begins to see that one can only begin to remember oneself for seconds at a time, it seems negligible. But what one must understand is that it is difficult exactly because it is the beginning of a new state for us, the key to a new world. If it were easy and if results came more quickly it could not have the importance which it has.3—Rodney Collin

Observing “I” is a faculty that records my existence just as it is. It is a unique experience in that it actually has two parallel functions. In this experience of observation, one part of the “I” observes my behavior, and another part realizes that I simply exist while this observation is taking place.

Otherwise you yourselves do not exist in your observations. In which case what are all your observations worth?” 4

Self-remembering points out that we forget that we even exist. We lose ourselves in whatever we are doing—even in self-observation itself. Because we can become so involved in trying to observe, we lose touch with who is observing. By the word “who,” I do not mean my ordinary associative mind or my personality, but my potential real “I,” a new and relatively free and independent reality within me. It is important to realize that this real “I” comes into existence only through my wish and efforts.

One way the real “I” can arise in me is to act as if the real “I” already exists and is functioning. I act as if it is already there, separate and able to observe me impartially and compassionately. Simply acting “as if” is a means of bringing it into existence.

Self-remembering is the simultaneous awareness of oneself being both the observer and the observed.

What I can derive from the Work is determined by how much I value it, the energy I am willing to

This aspect of self-remembering signifies the realization that a higher structure of being exists in potential within us, greater than the ordinary self. That higher structure is somehow “remembered” in us, even though we usually have no awareness of it. However, this “memory” is crucial to finding what is essential inside us and making a connection with it. This essential part of us is the link with our true self, the part of us that remains when false personality falls away, the part we will be able to depend on, irrespective of time or place. In many ways, it is our personal connection to the higher, to what is God for

And when this begins to happen, attention recognizes with relief and joy not two but three factors—one’s own organism, the subject of the experiment; the situation to which this organism is exposed in the moment; and something permanent which stands on a higher level than both and which alone can resolve the relation between the two.

To answer Collin’s question, we must understand the fact that the Work opens up the possibility of touching a higher consciousness within and beyond us. It is no good simply wanting to be better and making random efforts. If we are to make real changes, we have to understand what this “higher level” is that we are striving for.

OCTAVES, OR THE LAW OF SEVENFOLDNESS The Law of Three is one of two major principles embodied in Gurdjieff’s system. The other is the Law of Sevenfoldness, otherwise known as the law of “octaves.” This law refers to the fact that, “every process, no matter upon what scale it takes place, is completely determined in its gradual development by the law of the structure of the seven-tone scale.” 7 Thus, like the musical scale, a process may start at the “Do” of one octave and ascend to the higher “Do” of the next, through seven stages. These stages are not continuous or always the same, however. There are intervals at defined places in the octave where the energy runs down and needs a boost of energy from another octave.

Ouspensky discusses three important characteristics of octaves that we need to understand and which occur in all processes. Simplified, they are as follows: (1) there will always be a deviation in energy from the beginning of an octave to the end, often so much so that it may become its own opposite (the outcome of the process may be just the opposite of what is intended or expected); (2) processes do not stand still or stay at the same level (note) in the octave, but are always ascending or descending; (3) while descending or ascending, there are periodic retardations or accelerations in the vibrations of the octave. These retardations occur at the intervals mentioned above. Why is it so important to ponder these principles? The three basic characteristics of the octave can yield deeper understanding of many of our experiences in life that repeat themselves over and over. They explain how I can begin an activity heading toward a specific aim and sometimes produce a result that is the complete opposite of what I intended.

Every aim you have will tend to produce its opposite unless you begin to take into account how the octave may deviate and take a corresponding action to correct the deviation. If you look at your daily life, you may begin to notice that its octaves are constantly deviating. I find in my own life that I often start with a clear aim and end up confused because something unexpected happens in the process.

Situations, energy, our consciousness, and everything we encounter at any moment is either ascending or descending, becoming finer or coarser, or higher or lower.

We remain unconscious of the reasons for these fluctuations. The idea of octaves is a way of beginning to understand why things change as they do. I have learned that almost any activity I begin has a tendency to run down without my noticing it. I might start to clean a room, write a paper, or attend a yoga class. Gradually, all these activities run down. I often leave the activity planning to return to it, but, often, I don’t. It is in the very nature of the octave itself. Unless I keep my attention on my aim to complete what I have started, many of my intentions go unrealized.

If I don’t obtain it, the octave will stop moving upwards towards my goal and mechanically descend, ending back at its starting point. Octaves never stand still; they are always ascending or descending. Gurdjieff also called the Law of Sevenfoldness “The Law of Discontinuity of Vibration,” because of the need for another energy to enter at the critical points in the octave, but what happens in this octavic process is invisible to us as we are. He said: The principle of the discontinuity of vibration means the definite and necessary characteristic of all vibrations in nature, whether ascending or descending, to develop not uniformly but with periodical accelerations and retardations. This principle can be formulated still more precisely if we say that the force of the original impulse in vibrations does not act uniformly but, as it were, becomes alternately stronger and weaker.

He formulated three characteristics of the octave: First is the principle of the deviation of forces. Second is the fact that nothing in the world stays in the same place, or remains what it was, everything moves, everything is going somewhere, is changing, and inevitably either develops or goes down, weakens or degenerates, that is to say, it moves along either an ascending or a descending line of octaves. And third, that in the actual development itself of both ascending and descending octaves, fluctuations, rises and falls are constantly taking place.

These laws stand at a higher level than our world. Bennett says, “When Gurdjieff says that the Law of Three is a primordial cosmic law, he means that it does not come out of the way the world works, but that it is a law that enables the world to be what it is.”11

Understanding The Law Of Three

Every manifestation is the result of three separate forces, the affirming, the denying, and the reconciling. Gurdjieff calls them “Holy Affirming, Holy Denying, and Holy Reconciling.” After seeing them in ourselves, we may understand why he regards them as sacred. For example, when you try to accomplish anything in your life, you can look at your effort as an affirming, active, or positive force. If you take notice of what actually happens, you can find your efforts are always met by

resistance: a negative, passive, receptive, or denying force. The denying force includes extraneous environmental factors and intrapersonal factors that deflect initial activity away from its intended aim. However, if you take this resistance into account and treat it as feedback, you can make a correction. Feedback and correction lie in the arena of the reconciling force, the third, or neutralizing force.

4. Your effort to accomplish your aim is the active force. The resistance or passive force will be everything, inner and outer, that gets in your way. The reconciling force is more difficult to see. You have to discover this force inside you and see how it works in your own experience, how it tastes. If you are able to stay with your aim, simply try to notice what makes it possible to stick with it. Often, these primordial laws remain a mystery to people in the Work because they have not worked with them experientially; that is, they have not looked for them in the subjective experience of their lives. Our individual, subjective lives are important in the scheme of things, and each of us has the opportunity to understand these laws in the midst of our lives.

The knowledge I gain is truly mine, independent of any book I might read.

Without such clarity, my work will become negative or even stop. My stance is composed of three elements: (1) observation (affirming); (2) acceptance of what I observe or experience (receptive); and (3) compassion toward myself (reconciling).

Gurdjieff stated that as we are, we have no soul. A higher body might arise in me that survives the death of the physical body, but this higher body can only come about as the result of a definite work. In his early teaching, Gurdjieff said we had the possibility of having four “bodies”: (1) the physical body; (2) the natural or “astral” body that he calls the “Kesdjan” body; (3) the spiritual, “mental,” or “soul-body”; and (4) the “divine body.” He says:

Just as human beings are capable of reproducing another biological being through sexual intercourse, Gurdjieff says they may actually produce another being inside themselves, composed of finer material than their planetary bodies.

Then a different part of me—a part I believe is closer to my essence—entered, and I found the force to complete my work. If I could express the emotional state in words, it would sound like this: “Well, this is extremely uncomfortable and painful, but it does not make any difference, you (meaning my body) are going to finish this job you have begun. It is not a matter of liking or disliking it, just continue and be aware of all your sensations and experiences.”

This part of me was more genuine than my personality. It seemed to have a separate existence, at once confident and unifying. Compared with my ordinary state of consciousness, this part of me had a “will.” It also had an emotional force that energized my body to continue despite its resistance. The entire experience was freeing and ecstatic. In some way, it seemed to me the most natural state in the world. Perhaps it was a state some deeper part of me has always known.

If I maintain over many years the inner aim of becoming a full human being, regardless of what life throws at me, a new emotional presence can be born in me that is independent of the physical body.

CONSCIOUS LABOR Gurdjieff said human beings have the possibility of self-perfecting by practicing conscious labor and intentional suffering. The beginning of conscious labor and intentional suffering is the growth of self-knowledge and self-understanding; this growth is dependent upon self-observation and effort. There are at least two requirements for conscious labor. First, a part of you is present while you are engaging in the action; it is therefore not entirely automatic. Second, you are clear about the aim of your action; you are doing this for a definite reason, and you are wishing to be present to yourself existing in this action and remember yourself.

You see, even my simple intention to be present while folding and putting away bedding was not so simple. My tendency to fall asleep at that moment, to think of the future, of eating and swimming, competed with my aim to be present in the moment, to observe myself. Conscious labor requires me to live and be conscious of myself in the present moment while carrying out an action or aim.

The most important point is that you yourself, through your own sincere efforts, must become convinced that you rarely labor consciously. Instead, you proceed mechanically and habitually, subject to every distraction that appears and takes you away. Being convinced of this by your own experience will develop your wish to be able to do some simple actions consciously. If you can do simple things consciously, more will be possible for you in an attentive state. If, however, you are incapable of simple conscious activity, then the idea of conscious labor remains a fantasy. Only you can judge the truthfulness of your own level of presence and consciousness.

It is very interesting for me to listen to psychotherapists in groups speak about “witnessing” or being able to have a witness to their actions. It all sounds so very easy, as if by saying it, it will then happen. I am afraid it is more difficult than simply saying you want to have a witness. It is similar to riding a horse. When the horse strays off the path, you must first notice it has strayed and then use the reins to redirect

it. You must use the reins gently because being angry at the horse and jerking on the reins will only make the horse balk. Likewise, I first need to notice my attention has wandered before I can reinitiate witnessing. It takes gentle practice, practice, practice—and also, not to forget, compassion for our habitual condition. Conscious labor requires an attitude of openness. This is an attitude shift in that it is not the outcome of a task that is most important, but the development of your ability to remain in contact with yourself while working.

I become able to endure more experience, pain, or pleasure without falling asleep, distracting, or defending myself from the experience. As I have worked to engage in conscious labor, I have encountered depression, anxiety, grief, and joy. Compassion for myself has allowed me to benefit from the gifts these difficult emotions offer me.

That is, we are either eating, transforming the energy of lower forms of life so that we can exist, or being eaten, being utilized by nature in some way that we have little or no understanding

of. Nature and time continue to consume us whether or not we are conscious of them. Through service, I might extract something for myself as I serve what is higher. In this way, I become a conscious particle in the reciprocal feeding of everything existing, rather than an unconscious atom that is simply consumed.

INTENTIONAL SUFFERING If we attempt to labor consciously, to observe ourselves, to lead a more conscious life, suffering will undoubtedly follow as we experience our state of waking-sleeping consciousness and realize we have lived in this way for our entire lives.

If we become more flexible psychologically, it is a good indicator that our work is moving in the right direction. If people or groups you meet “in the Work” seem rigid, take note.

As you become more aware of your own mechanicality, your prison of habitual reactions, you see your subjectivity, negativity, limitations, rigidity, and other aspects of your emotional makeup. If you gradually learn to tolerate and experience your discomfort, you have begun the journey to flexibility and compassion for yourself and others. There is also incredible joy as I begin to learn in this way about myself. Through my efforts, I begin to transform my energy, as the alchemists sought to transform base metals into gold.

If you want to move toward objectivity, you might wish to consider the following idea: true objectivity must include subjectivity. I need to learn to accept myself and have compassion for all the subjective states that overtake me that I am caught in.

“When true self-remembering comes, one does not want to alter oneself, or others; one somehow rises above their weaknesses and one’s own. There can be no blame anywhere. One swallows what is, and becomes free.” 19 We are not planning to shut away our subjective experience. I have found I need to be careful of any group leaders or teachers with ambitions to power, who teach their followers to be negative about their own subjective nature rather than helping them take an interest in their subjectivity.

This “I” can maintain an inner aim throughout the difficulties of my life. I will be able to depend on this objective “I” as it matures and gains strength.

Self-observation is really a registration and a witnessing of myself. Analysis, on the other hand, is an attempt to understand by fitting my observations into a certain framework. Work is different from analysis, since there is no framework to have to fit my

experience into. However, Work does require that I ponder my experience and derive as much meaning from it as is possible. In summary, conscious labor and intentional suffering start with studying and understanding myself. These activities cannot exist without struggle. Self-study and efforts to understand the functioning of my machine will lead to suffering. Through learning to labor consciously and suffer intentionally, one can develop a real “I” and real will. This real “I” not only can serve my evolution, but the evolution of humanity and the greater cosmos as well.

CHAPTER 4 SENSING GETTING IN TOUCH WITH THE BODY One difficulty we encounter when we wish to study ourselves is the predominance of our associative mind. This is the “mind” that was “educated” in the classroom.

Sensing is also a means of training attention. It gives our mind an anchor, because it is rooted in the energies of the body. This is key to developing balance among our three centers.

To be grounded means to be in touch with my body, to actually experience it. When I am in contact with my own body, I can then proceed to be in contact with my emotional state, my likes and dislikes, my thoughts, and finally, the immediate environment and the natural world. If I lose this contact with my body and am caught up in only my thoughts or my emotions, I am only partially alive.

Being cut off from our bodies has become normal for us. Despite the hyperactivity of our head brain, we may still feel bored or depressed. Suspecting something might be missing, we will usually search to change our emotional state by using our mind. Most people have come to the point where they are so out of touch with the moment-to-moment experience of their bodies that they have to resort to all sorts of artificial means in an attempt to reestablish the connection. Sports, gymnastics, meditation, massage, hiking, biking, dance, and many other activities are attempts to reestablish this missing connection to the body. We may also use drugs and alcohol to try to reestablish this connection.

In my experience, if I can be in touch with my body, then my awareness and aliveness are increased exponentially when contrasted with the way I feel in my ordinary state of waking-sleep. If my thoughts about the future or past entrap me, or I am caught in current or past feelings without a connection with my body, then I am alive in only one-third of myself. My difficulty is that the disconnection from my body has become habitual, and when I want to establish a connection with my body, that habitual pattern of disconnection intervenes.

Moreover, through this work, I establish new neurological pathways that eventually replace my old patterns of disconnection.

Very few people know what “Get into your body” means. They do not have a real taste of what it is like or how to do it without drugs or alcohol. Along with the lack of research on human attention, there is a definite paucity of research into how to connect mind and body.

Gurdjieff brought a method of working with the body to develop the attention that was light-years ahead of any other method—it is sensing. But, before exploring sensing in more detail, a bit more about methods and practices in general is needed.

Practices: Means Versus Ends

The problem with practices—yoga, aikido, meditation, tai chi chuan, self-observation, or any others—is that we tend to make them ends in themselves. The human tendency is to become addicted to security and feeling better, and by doing our practice, we probably will feel better. However, spiritual practices are not simply about feeling better. We need to view practices as a means to assist us in attaining an aim rather than the aim itself. Practices contain neither the meaning nor the aim of Work. For human beings to find their place in the greater cosmos, they must first work to become balanced and whole, and practices facilitate this.

Real practice for inner evolution builds an inner container to hold specific energies for transformation. In Gurdjieff’s Work, we are interested in harmonizing all three of our major centers. The harmonization of my centers transforms me, and one might even say, results in a new type of human being capable of containing a higher order of experience. The “container” we are preparing will be able to receive and utilize energies from two higher centers.

However, to connect with the material from higher centers through such artificial means is always dangerous and unpredictable. Rarely, and maybe never, can the individual integrate that experience into the whole of him- or herself.

These lower centers must be educated, developed and harmonized with each other, which is the underlying reason for practices. In the past, esoteric schools used practices as an experiential means of connecting an individual with their true role in humanity’s purpose in relation to the greater cosmos.

Human beings are meaning-making entities; we are always trying to make sense of our experience. However, meaning exists on more than one level. We have the ability to differentiate between what the Work calls “horizontal” and “vertical” meaning. Horizontal meaning is limited and is usually confined within a specific culture, while vertical meaning is unlimited in scope. Symbols, such as the Christian cross, exist to represent the intersection of horizontal and vertical planes of existence and meaning, to aid those searching for self-perfection.

An interesting and overlooked characteristic of human experience is that our thinking, emotional, and inner bodily processes are invisible

to others. Psychological experiences simply do not avail themselves to being examined under a microscope; thus, they remain invisible to external observers. In short, scientists cannot study in depth our actual thinking, emoting, and kinesthetic experience from outside of a person. Ultimately, we must study these functions within ourselves in order to understand their operation. Only through our own observation can we, ourselves, discover how we know we are not feeling well—physically or emotionally. Various diseases cause physical and psychological symptoms. However, our actual, lived, individual experience of either, no matter how the body manifests, remains invisible. Moreover, science still cannot measure a person’s level of sensitivity or insensitivity to his environment, to himself, or to others. Thus, sensing, as used in the Gurdjieff Work, refers to an experience that cannot currently be measured scientifically.

SENSING Sensing is the direct, bodily experience of the living sensitive energy within our organism. Sensing is not intellectual or emotional. Sensing allows us to utilize energy that can be brought up in our bodies as a focus for attention to help us maintain a state of awareness.

Don’t confuse sensing with sense-experience—that is, seeing, hearing, touch, temperature, smell, etc. which arise automatically. Sensing is a means of accessing the state of consciousness where we can experience awareness. It is a potential capacity that requires development. It is essential to develop sensing, as it helps one to remain in contact with

their body.

postures and movements are normally automatic, habitual manifestations of my body. Yet, through sensing I can utilize any habitual movement or posture to create a separation of my “I” from my body and experience a state of awareness.

believe it is exciting and vital to learn as early as possible to incarnate during this lifetime and fully inhabit my body.

For the most part, practices bring the practitioner into a pleasant, unusual, relaxed, or heightened state. Unconsciously, you may return to this practice simply to achieve this change. However such techniques are not ends in themselves. If you take them as such, they are not necessarily beneficial and may not produce any inner evolution. Instead of waking me up, the practice becomes another factor keeping me asleep.

Remember: at this time, do not try to sense; rather, sensing may occur because of the honest, gentle, relaxed, intentional direction of your attention. You work with gentle attention, and then allow yourself to experience sensing.

Because of the wanderings of our unconscious attention, a habit that was passed down to us over generations, combined with our own habitual, undirected attention, the intellectual center alone is simply not strong enough to resist the flow of neurological programming that maintains the waking-sleeping state However, with practice, you eventually will be able to sense a limb or other part of your body of which you previously had little awareness—except perhaps when you injured it or were sick. Sensing develops your attention, forming a new pattern within you and creating new branches on your neurological tree.

The Role Of Sensing In Self-Observation

First, sensing requires that you be attentive in a new way, which I refer to as “gentle attention.” This type of attention is neither forced nor tense, but an open attention. Gentle attention is different from our normal focused attention, which is often at-tension. Usually, focused attention is a contracting movement that focuses and narrows the field of consciousness.

We direct attention intentionally, rather than having it directed by outer life and accidental shocks from the environment. Directing our attention helps to ground us by connecting the mind with the body. When we are grounded, we experience our living existence and receive new impressions. You may find that the body enjoys being sensed.

Third, the effect of sensing, or in the beginning, simply directing our attention to a particular part of the body, has a definite effect on the intellectual center. It curtails daydreams, fantasies, and other useless patterns of associative thinking, without the necessity of stopping my thoughts. Later, when I am more experienced with sensing, it gives me an instantaneous means of self-observation. It bypasses the associative mind and immediately gives me increased impressions of myself. In other words, the mind’s ordinary associative function cannot truly partake of the present moment. It is busy encoding impressions that have already occurred, rather than being able to experience them newly. Sensing gets around this continuous referencing of the past by giving a person raw impressions of himself in the moment.

A major benefit of sensing is that in practicing it we are humbled. We try to sense, but then don’t remember our intention, or we lose track of ourselves, and this proves we are not awake, thus giving us direct experience of our inability to maintain our attention and connection with our own body. Do not lose heart for, if practiced, sensing will develop gradually, in proportion to your ability to relax while directing your attention.

Chapter 5 The System

It is important to recognize that many very sophisticated ideas can easily be discounted if one only looks at the surface of what is being presented or depends on accepted views of reality perpetuated by a society that does not encourage critical thinking for oneself.

Gurdjieff’s system ultimately connects the potential of humankind with our objective purpose, our place in the development and maintenance of the cosmos.

Each part of the Ray of Creation is linked to every other part. In other words, the Ray of Creation is the succession of living worlds, coming from the Absolute and moving downward, level by level, all the way to the earth and then to the moon. Gurdjieff calls this downward movement “involutionary,” as opposed to “evolutionary,” which would be the movement upward, toward the Absolute. The particular ray in which we find ourselves in our solar system, moves from our sun to the earth and ends in our moon.

He describes life on earth as an integral part of the development of our solar system. The earth is not merely an accidental by-product of planetary formation; it is required to make a contribution to the evolution of the moon, and by extension, to the continued development of our solar system and its planets. The key component that produces the complex energy needed in planetary formation and maintenance is organic life on earth—that is, the complete, interrelated exchange of energies provided by the interaction of all living organisms on the planet.

From the point of view of the descending or involutionary productions of the Ray of Creation, the solar system is the field of creative manifestation of the sun. Bennett writes, “The sun is able to evoke in the worlds subordinate to itself a creative activity that makes possible the arising of sentient and conscious experience.” 6

Human beings have a special ability to receive and radiate various vibrations depending on the level of development of their consciousness. According to Gurdjieff, the film of organic life is an organ of perception of the cosmos.

Yet, human beings are the only part of the film of earth’s organic life that is capable of this evolution, or returning energy to the higher level of consciousness from which it was originally received. Moreover, people can only serve this evolutionary process and evolve individually if they develop consciousness of their role and intentionally fulfill it.

Work directly aims to transform human consciousness so that individuals can take their rightful place

in the reciprocal maintenance of all that exists.

Through self-study, I begin to understand the self-corrective action I need in order to fulfill my individual purpose. I can also begin to grasp the objective purpose of humanity as a whole.

My will grows from the continuous effort I must make to collect these impressions, and fulfill the purpose for which I was designed.

Air. Within the last fifty years, people have been forced to notice air quality due to the pollution of the atmosphere. The importance of the nourishing quality of air has become particularly evident because of the poor air quality so characteristic of many large cities. A few people vaguely understand that air has an intimate connection with the energy exchanges in the body. If you can open up your consciousness enough to recognize that air is integral to all living entities, then you might begin to suspect there may be something more subtle inherent in air. All animate entities breathe. Air links us all together. I may breathe the same air someone in China breathed a week ago. The nourishment of inner life is connected with air. The word “spirit” relates to “inspiration” as well as “respiration.” Just as two people might read a paragraph and each take different information from it, so it is with air.

It is similar with air because as each person breathes, he or she may take in different elements of greater or lesser quantity or quality. Air is not simply the chemical substance current science makes it out to be; it contains much more. Just as traces of vitamins are available in food, so air contains minute elements that our higher parts need for nourishment. According to Gurdjieff, the more present I am, the more nourishment I can take from the air.

However, in other ways, people do recognize the importance of impressions. Our need for entertainment, travel, learning, and exploration is integrally tied to our need for new impressions.

As far as impressions are concerned, many, perhaps on an instinctive level, seek out beneficial impressions that art, music, and natural beauty provide. However, most people have no interest or understanding of the richness and importance of the food of impressions that becomes possible only with self-study. Without Gurdjieff’s Work, the importance of this highest food would have remained unknown in our current era.

Examples are the Waldorf and Montessori systems. Without identifying or understanding the concept of the “food of impressions,” certain parents sense that the impressions their children receive, as well as how they receive them, are very important.

Very few of us had parents who were concerned with the quality of impressions we received at school. Whether we survived public education, private school, or home tutoring, the emphasis was mostly on stuffing us with facts we learned to repeat back in order to achieve high grades. The emphasis was not on providing impressions of better quality, nor was there any attempt to teach us to take in impressions intentionally. Most importantly, no one taught us how to use our faculty of attention, the instrument through which we gather impressions.

In order to receive new impressions, I needed to be present and actually look through my eyes. As I began to work in this way, I noticed how the paper was lying against the back of the chair, since the seat was tilted a little. I also noticed the details in the laminated wood of the seat itself. I noticed nicks in the wood, the screws holding the back on, the dust build-up at the bottoms of the chair’s legs, etc. Finally, I began to see the structure of the chair. In short, I was actually receiving new impressions, impressions that had been right there in front of me that I had missed. Receiving impressions of the chair required only a slight change in my consciousness, but it produced a dramatic change in my experience. I actually began to register what I saw through my eyes as I was seeing. This is the beginning of the digestion of impressions. Prior to that change, I might just as well have been dead and buried, because I simply was not aware of my experience. I was not able to have or make new memories. Instead, my machine was simply replaying old memories, memories of sitting in the kitchen near the table in the morning. This example highlights the difference between automatically receiving impressions versus intentionally receiving the food of impressions. The subject matter in my example, though inanimate objects, may help you see what more might be possible when you shine the same light on yourself.

We are starving for new impressions. We take classes, go on trips, read books, and go to more and more movies. We engage in all these activities because we need fresh impressions. The difficulty is that we become impression addicts and yet are unable to digest the impressions we do receive because we are just not present. We seek more and more impressions, without realizing that their quality is much more important than their quantity. Moreover, our ability to be present to digest whatever impressions we experience is even more essential than their variety. To a certain extent, people recognize their hunger and intuitively lean in one direction or the other. Some gravitate toward more refined impressions coming from literature, art, music, the theater, a good movie, or their own creative work. Others take drugs to enhance their impressions, or indulge in overeating or other addictions. Some people need the intensity of impressions derived through dangerous sports or living on the edge sexually—where the excitement strengthens the impact of impressions. However, taking in impressions in this way does not necessarily result in any real nourishment or growth. After a time, the impressions become repetitious and cannot provide real food for inner growth. The reason repeated unconscious impressions fail to nourish is that, in all such cases, there is no intentional work taking in the impressions,

Reading periodicals and newspapers is sufficient for most people. It gives them readymade answers and facts about the world’s situation that they can then spew out in discussions with others, using only their associative mind. I notice this tendency in myself and it is very difficult to counter.

experienced is the arousing and recombination of these old impressions from childhood. Really new impressions can be obtained only by violence, because the rolls in centers are already covered up. It is difficult to penetrate to them because our force is limited.

Thus, our dilemma. New impressions bombard us all the time, but our ability to experience them in the moment atrophies as we age. We can resurrect this ability, but only through intentional efforts to do so.

Real thinking, or “mentation,” as Gurdjieff refers to it, requires a gradual and balanced development of our human capacities.

The human organism is a homeostatic system. In other words, each person’s logical makeup is configured around his or her experiences and will resist any change. By default, my individual psychology will reassert its dominant pattern. I can only change gradually, so that the organism does not fall out of balance. However, even small changes that occur because of my increased self-awareness can lead to profound transformation. Therefore, the message is, go slowly and be interested in the small changes you notice.

I believe one of the most disastrous consequences of our modern scientific period is the belief that evolution of human beings takes place automatically over time.

If a person even has the slightest belief that he or she is evolving simply by living, then why would one choose to work on oneself? There would be no reason to make any special effort, since evolution is occurring automatically.

In many ways, technological advancement may be a distraction from the exacting inquiry and struggle we need for inner evolution. Technological innovation tends to increase the shared fantasy that we are evolving. Every new invention is trumpeted in the newspapers and on the Internet as if it will make the world better. However, inner work and evolution do not depend on technology.

Evolution may be possible only for the limited number of individuals willing to make the required efforts.

The fakir masters his physical body by ascetic practices sometimes amounting to torture, and thus develops his physical will. He may experience higher energies and higher states of consciousness, but his intellectual and emotional capacities remain undeveloped. The second way, that of the monk or religion, is dependent on faith, or the development of the emotional center. Here also, the religious person may experience higher energies and increased consciousness, which he might call meeting with God. However, the religious follower often remains undeveloped physically and intellectually, since his way mainly emphasizes strict obedience and devotion and does not encourage investigation.

According to Gurdjieff, the Fourth Way only comes into being during certain historical periods, perhaps when a particular type of work is especially needed and when political and social conditions allow for Fourth Way groups to exist.

According to Gurdjieff, our current situation is not the fault of Adam and Eve. It is ultimately not entirely the fault of humanity at large, but was due to an unforeseen cosmic event, the genesis of the moon.

The food in this case comprises the radiations that all organic life produces, and perhaps especially, those of the consciousness and behavior of humanity. In Beelzebub’s Tales to His Grandson, Gurdjieff’s Beelzebub states that our dilemma arises from the implantation into us of an organ, Kundabuffer, following the collision that causes the moon’s

genesis. This organ prevented humankind from seeing the reality of our situation, that we are “food for the moon.”

In describing the genesis of the moon in the narrative of Beelzebub’s Tales to His Grandson, Beelzebub introduces beings he calls angels, a kind of cosmic bureaucracy concerned with overall maintenance of larger cosmic systems, but not with the fate of individual creatures. The angels and archangels calculate that the fragments broken off the earth might leave their position and produce instabilities or “irreparable calamities” in the solar system as a whole.

However, the “cosmic authorities” were still anxious. They feared the three-brained beings on earth might prematurely become aware of their objective situation—that their main purpose was only to produce a special substance or radiation for the moon, and understanding this, they would react with such horror as to choose to destroy themselves en masse. To guard against the possibility of humanity’s mass suicide, the cosmic administrators implanted an “organ” called “Kundabuffer” at the base of each person’s spinal column, reducing human beings to nothing more than “thinking animals.” More importantly, as Gurdjieff put it, the organ produced “the-reflecting-of-reality-in-one’s-attention-upside-down.”

As I discussed earlier, Gurdjieff pointed out that the erroneous belief that we are already conscious is the biggest barrier to our becoming so in reality; hence, the idea that our typical so-called “consciousness” is just a dream. There have been many versions of the profound idea that we live a dream life, and there is a need to awaken. In Christianity, the notion of original sin is very close to Gurdjieff’s portrayal of Kundabuffer. We find in Christian thought the concept that salvation is only possible if one becomes conscious that one is a sinner. Here, it is important to understand that the original definition of the word “sin” actually meant “to miss the mark,” not being bad.

Even now, Gurdjieff’s assertion requires me to ponder on the question of how do I see reality upside down? Let us look at a few of Gurdjieff’s ideas of the upside-down nature of human consciousness: our inability to notice our inner world and our preoccupation with the material world, inner considering, our shared suffering from the “disease of tomorrow,” and the fragmentation of our once-unified psyche into many “I’s.”

Further, my ability to ponder and look into the deeper meaning of my life is limited by my need to continually engage in commerce and make money. Another way I see reality upside down: I find myself overreacting to many aspects of my life that, upon closer inspection, appear relatively trivial. For example, I have constant worries about different things I either need to do, have not done, or will be blamed for if they are not done, or feel a responsibility and pressure to do, etc. The list is endless, but the common thread running through them is an instantaneous emotional reaction to each situation that uses up my energy. I can sum up the entire scenario, repeated ad infinitum, with the phrase, “Making mountains out of molehills.”

need to be forced to return to the more essential aspects of my life when some tragic event occurs.

In retrospect, I realized I couldn’t get past my own reaction and negativity to his silence. This is an example of “inner considering.” I took his silence personally, and was caught in my inner considering.

Inner considering can be defined as always considering myself first regardless of what may be needed by another person or a situation. I live in a self-centered world. Even at times, when I believe I have taken the other person into consideration, it is often just a show, because it is so important to me how I appear to others, or rather how I imagine I look to others.

What is lacking in such discussions is what is really going on for me in my life, the deeper experiences I have, and the recurring questions that arise in me. I am generalizing here, but I am trying to paint a picture of a tendency in human interaction that is now a general predisposition. I notice I often do not want to speak about important topics because I surmise it might make the other person feel uneasy or cause him to think me strange. This is just more internal considering. Pop psychology has correctly noted that there is a tendency today “to make it about me.” This pathology seems endemic to all of us at this period in our history. The tendency to focus on and become lost in the relative day-today material requirements of life have left us with little inclination to ponder the meaning of our lives or life in general. We leave this area of human interest to so-called “great thinkers,” contemporary philosophers, educators, and writers, most of whom seem to be rehashing in personalized forms what others have already said.

We do not trust ourselves to think deeply. We unconsciously resist the uneasiness that comes from pondering a question and not knowing the answer. The uneasiness we experience is the result of expecting ourselves to know the answer beforehand without pondering it; the latter is another example of a widely held, but erroneous belief about our consciousness and ability.

I see many people in therapy who have put their lives on hold due to the disease of tomorrow. This habit has grown in them to such a degree that they complain about their situation vociferously, but are unable or unwilling to make even a small change. The habit of tomorrow can eventually bring about a state of confusion where they become depressed and unable to accomplish anything in their lives.

From my own experience and from working with many people in the Work, I have found that every person who is interested in the Work has many “I’s” that remain totally uninterested in the ideas of self-development. Such “I’s” have neither the ability nor the energy to engage in Work. However, I must recognize these “I’s” in myself, get to

know them. If I remain ignorant of these different aspects of my psychological makeup, I will be ignorant of how these “I’s” lead me astray and keep me asleep.

Our emotional center longs for this experience of interconnectedness. Gurdjieff says this is our birthright, and at times like these, we sense it. For me, this longing for relatedness is a sign that some part of me was once connected with the larger world from which I am now estranged.

A primary result of Kundabuffer is our inability to sense and even be interested in our purpose. In Beelzebub’s Tales to His Grandson, Kundabuffer was expressly designed to prevent human beings from understanding their purpose. This lack of curiosity, the disinterest in wanting to understand and find one’s purpose in life that is rampant today, is a symptom of Kundabuffer. People find a purpose in a vocation, raising a family, entrepreneurship, politics, yoga, kayaking, etc. All these activities can be enjoyable and substitute for a real purpose for living. Then, the ultimate question, “What is my purpose?” is simply put on hold indefinitely. In my experience, most people are not interested.

In Beelzebub’s Tales to His Grandson, Gurdjieff describes the many strange effects of Kundabuffer and discusses at length the subsequent character defects that appeared in people. The most devastating abnormal result of Kundabuffer was war. People began to kill each other, what Gurdjieff refers to as “the need of periodically occupying themselves with the destruction of each other’s existence.” 16 According to Gurdjieff, this was the first time three-brained beings had ever killed one another on any planet in the universe.

Summarizing, the implantation of Kundabuffer was done without our knowledge or awareness and a split in consciousness was created. We were temporarily denied the part of us that would have allowed us to develop normally, to become fully functioning beings with objective knowledge.

ANXIETY Anxiety can be another common response to restriction. Anxiety is the fear that something bad will happen to you. It is a state of hypersensitivity, usually due in some part to a psychic, emotional, or physical trauma.

A behavior often connected with anxiety is aggression. In Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, Robert Sapolsky points out that human behavior in the face of danger and stress is different from that of other mammals.

When we are traumatized, we fall back on survival mechanisms that include the more instinctive, animal side of our nature—the “thinking animal” of the Kundabuffer period. We then react like a cornered animal. The stressed human “thinking animal” does not behave like Sapol-sky’s zebra. The addition of the third brain—the thinking brain— provides a different response to life-threatening situations.

Another traumatic effect of Kundabuffer, besides the major split in our consciousness, may have been the partition of the psyche into many “I’s.” Gurdjieff explains that this partitioning keeps the different parts of the psyche from overwhelming us with their contradictions. At first glance, partitioning might seem to be a mechanism to decrease anxiety, since, being unconscious of one’s inconsistencies, a person would not have to face them. However, my guess is that, in fact, it leads to increased anxiety. If a person cannot explain—even to himself—why he seems to have so many contradictory behaviors, how can he justify them to the world at large?

people have a soul, that some part of them will continue beyond death, which has had the effect of suggesting that they need not make effort. This message of a future life after death has degraded people’s intuitive sense that they actually need to work to achieve inner development. The life-after-death message of religion—that our lives will somehow continue following the death of our body—is a disaster for many who have within themselves the possibility of self-development. The rationales for this erroneous message are manifold. They serve to calm the anxiety of the religion’s adherents, putting them into a state Gurdjieff called, “self-calming.” A religion may instill self-calming from a very tender age. It tells children and young adults that by following certain precepts—for example, praying to Allah five times daily—they will be taken off to some paradise following the demise of their physical body.

The entire incident was very painful. It activated painful memories of being shamed in my past. I easily could have taken this incident as simply the fault of the intern and her supervisor. In some ways, the intern was actually acting out her own difficulty with others who didn’t do their duty. She tended to be very rigid and believed people just should do what they were supposed to do. However, I wanted to make more meaning out of this situation for my own growth. I needed to ask myself how was I responsible for what had happened and for my aggressive response to her raising the issue in the group.

I want to be capable of carrying out an aim that may involve suffering, doing what needs to be done rather than simply doing what I want to do.

According to Gurdjieff and modern psychology, organic shame is a naturally occurring affect, hard-wired into the human species. Gurdjieff implies that it works hand in-hand with objective conscience. However, he points out that since objective conscience has been driven into our unconscious, real shame has also gone underground. Thus, pseudo-shame has replaced organic shame. I feel ashamed for forgetting a certain social convention or speaking the truth because it embarrasses someone else. However, I may not feel ashamed for treating another person badly.

It is very easy to see that a great deal of modern life goes on while people are in a trance. People are absorbed with the media, iPhone, newspapers, TV, magazines, etc., while eating, drinking, and spending time with one another. This trance state where people may believe almost anything that is suggested to them becomes an integral part of their sleep. Gurdjieff says that people will believe anything that they are told if it is repeated often enough, with enough flattery, or by someone they take as an authority. We see the results of this weakness in human perception today, and it has frightening and profound ramifications for our society. An important result is that our perceptive apparatus is less and less able to differentiate the real from the unreal.

Pain and pleasure here are so interwoven they become difficult to tease apart. Such abnormalities appear to be increasing in modern culture.

He says that three-brained beings on all planets in the universe utilize “being-Partkdolg-duty” as their primary means of self-perfection. The words imply accepting the obligation to do what is right.

I gradually learn to take an aim and stick with it even if it brings me suffering. The first common aim I share with everyone in the Work is the aim to know myself truthfully. Taking this aim as mentioned will provide suffering. It is suffering that I have found painfully real, enlightening, and joyful. Above all, it gives me a taste for what is true and real about me, about my life, and this taste of real life is unforgettable.

The Itoklanoz And Foolasnitamnian Principles

My experience has shown me that people have a great difficulty “not” doing something—that is, to “not give yourself up to the associations of just one brain” might seem very difficult. I would express the effort we must make in language that is more positive.

Instead of trying to “not give yourself up to the associations of just one brain,” try the following: maintain simultaneous awareness of the associations coming from each of your three brains. This kind of awareness may not be possible all at once, but we can try to get a taste of the experience that shows us how to proceed.

However, we are not capable of fulfilling that role for nature because, first, we live by taking the ephemeral for the real; second, we have no ability to intentionally direct our attention. The chaotic movement of our associations is typical of our unconscious life. Just noticing the flow

of these associations changes something in my consciousness. What has changed? Now, there is awareness. Awareness, separate from the chaotic vagaries of my attention, increases through the simple act of noticing. Self-observation, noticing, self-remembering. They all regulate the chaos of my flickering, unorganized attention. Awareness in itself contains an organizing quality. Itoklanoz is random, chaotic. We can live our entire life in Itoklanoz, unless we develop a regulating function. Living under the influence of Itoklanoz is similar to a dream state where waves and currents of anxiety, pleasure, and sensation repeat themselves for no apparent reason. By contrast, in following the Foolas-nitamnian Principle, I am able to direct my attention, to focus. The energies of the three centers can be coordinated, and each can supply simultaneous impressions to sustain my attention.

Part Ii Self-Study

Chapter 6 The Inner Life

One of the obstacles is that our personality, and especially, what Gurdjieff called “false personality,” covers our true being, our essence.

Personality is therefore shaped by a specific time period in a specific culture. The persona or mask that each child develops is a means of adjusting to the relatively foreign environment that they enter at birth. Essence, however, is our true nature and remains the same regardless of the culture or time into which we are born. This is the part of us that can become the individuality of the true man or woman if it is nurtured and able to mature. However, since this part is unrecognized by society, and by parents and teachers, it remains undeveloped.

In short, I develop a personality that is a mixture of my tendencies and tastes and an imitation of the way others behave.

Modern civilization focuses almost exclusively on the development of personality, what we present to the world, at the expense of essence.

Everyone must develop a personality. We need it in order to survive and fit into society. However, an additional part is often pasted on to it, a part we really do not need for our survival. This part comes into being along with our personalities, and its existence is usually due to our insecurity and imitating others’ behavior. In Gurdjieff’s lexicon, this part is “false personality.”

As a psychologist, I view “false personality” as a system of defense mechanisms stemming from insecurity and imitation. Although the most successful individuals in our society may be rich, famous, or even brilliant, their success is often a means of compensating for some deep insecurity. Because of the poor quality of our education and caretaking when we were children, as well as the general lack of direction from those around us, people often feel a need to enhance themselves to compensate for the sense of inadequacy and insecurity they feel. This artificial enhancement is similar to an actor’s role, the difference being that the actor realizes she is playing a role, whereas most of us are unaware of it. We acquire false personality by imitating our parents, teachers, peers, and leaders. Its characteristics include the tendencies to exaggerate, lie, mislead, attempt to appear different than we are, cover up our perceived defects, hide our mistakes, hide our physical defects, be more concerned with how we appear to others than what we experience and feel inwardly, and so on. False personality makes it almost impossible to distinguish the real person from the added enhancements. Society virtually requires that all of us develop certain aspects of a false personality. The need to lie, for example, is endemic in social and political life.

political life.

These images create false self-concepts for the young to imitate—the successful person is one who makes millions of dollars with as little effort as possible—and accomplishes it while still young. Individuals in my son’s generation (he is twenty-eight) often choose their vocation according to how quickly they may achieve wealth.

Harry Benjamin, a German endocrinologist and student of Gurdjieff’s ideas, provides a wonderfully simple image that captures Gurdjieff’s nuanced descriptions of essence, personality, and false personality: For instance, let us consider an egg. There is the yolk, the white and shell. If we regard false personality as the outer hard shell, and personality as the white, then we can see that for the yolk (essence) to develop into a bird it has to feed on the white (personality) and ultimately the bird has to break through (destroy) the shell before it can emerge fully into the light of day as a living creature.

Moreover, I have found other parts of myself I can truly depend on that represent more essential aspects of who I am. If I become serious in my wish for inner development, false personality gives me an incredible amount of useful material.

False personality resists our efforts, but if we actually develop our inner life, this false part loses its grip or, as Benjamin says, the egg begins to crack. How then do we begin to pay attention to our inner life? What is it? How is it different from the outer life of the senses, and what is the relationship between the outer and inner aspects of human life?

INNER LIFE Usually, we are unaware that we even have an inner life. There is a reason for this lack of awareness. My entire life is based on what comes in through my senses and what I am told. Society focuses us on the material aspect of life.

A basic principle of the Work is that other levels of consciousness are possible for us; other worlds exist. Not everything lies on the same level as the material world. Our inner life exists on a different level from our ordinary waking state.

It had always been a challenge for me to work on myself while being involved in contracting and not totally lose my own sense of presence—that is, not become totally identified with a project. My aim in the clinic project was to try to accomplish the remodeling project with a more spacious, present inner attitude.

Outer life is the world of schedules, money, responsibility, appearances, and the images of ourselves we project onto the world. Most people remain blind to the fact that while they are living such an outer life, they have a simultaneous inner experience as well.

Five distinct streams of experience are constantly feeding the inner lives that we usually remain unaware of. These streams are composed of impressions flowing from the intellectual, emotional, moving, instinctive, and sex centers. The most important stream for this discussion comes from our emotional center. This stream is not the emotional state that we allow others to see, but rather what is really happening within us that we keep hidden from others (though we may reveal it to a therapist or close friend).

One of the best means to develop emotionally comes from the friction of collaboratively working with other people toward a common aim: in the case of Work, the aim of finding out the truth about myself.

As an emotionally mature person my emotional center begins to understand others, is able to feel their emotional life, how they are caught, how it feels to accept them, care for them, and likewise accept and care for myself. My emotions expand and are not only centered on me and striving to get what I want. My emotional life expands because I emotionally experience my connection and responsibility to others and gradually to life itself. All this leads to emotionally experiencing the interconnectedness of all life and finding my place within this structure.

From this noticing, the emotional part begins quite haphazardly to experience either liking or disliking, feeling good or bad, or pain or pleasure, depending on the landscape it is passing through. Likes and dislikes then become the passenger’s emotional life, a narrowly defined life that could contain much more.

An independent emotional life that is not activated and entirely dependent on outer circumstances that activate patterns of like and dislike within me, can only be the result of real work, and it is very difficult to come by.

Sex can often take the place of an inner life, because sex energy intrudes upon emotional experiences and becomes mixed up with all our other emotions, especially love. Sex energy is a very high energy and that is one of the reasons it “magnetizes” us. When sexual attraction becomes intertwined with love and the physical appearance of a partner, a person may feel he or she can only love someone who matches a particular physical image.

If they are pleasurable and we wish to repeat them, we can become peak-experience addicts. People travel to exotic places, do dangerous activities, or go on retreats with famous people in order to have experiences that make them feel more alive emotionally.

After a time, these types of emotional experience become similar to a computerized game. Feeling good is only activated by likes or dislikes.

found I was a creature of habit, repeating predictable patterns. Those patterns could be simple, such as waking and sleeping, or complex, such as worrying, feeling guilty, or striving for success. It really didn’t matter what those patterns were. The most important realization for me is that I found they gave me the false impression of having some control over my life.

Life itself does not discriminate about the form it takes or insist that experience be pleasant. This is a very important principle. It gives us a clue as to why we may find ourselves repeating ad infinitum our negative behavior patterns, even those that are full of pain—life itself does not care what experience is manifested in the different forms it creates.

It took some time to see that this ebb and flow of outer interest was a mechanical, unconscious

means of attempting to nurture my inner life. In and of itself, it is not bad, but provides a very limited growth of inner life— this pattern kept my inner life ticking without real change.

I have also found that many people hunger to share their inner lives with others, but generally, there are few venues for sharing their realizations. Even if we have many friends, we still may feel lonely and isolated.

A major characteristic of inner life is the search to realize meaning. Making meaning goes beneath the surface of objects and experience. It connects me with an experience greater than the automatic play of life I see around me.

The first step is to become familiar with the patterns. I have found that as I developed the ability to be in touch with my inner life, to notice it and be interested in it, a deeper part of me was activated and I experienced a new type of security, one more valuable than material security.

found. My own experience has shown me that I need to remain in relation with others in order to keep my inner life energized and developing. It is here that group work is so valuable and which we will discuss at the end of the chapter.

WHAT IS HIGHER IN US A major pitfall of modern life is its tendency to produce a hunger for so-called “specialness,” the need to be a celebrity. Society tends to encourage everyone from birth onward to be unique and special. It often becomes a disease that engenders and supports false personality.

They are probably correct, if we simply define progress as the creation of ever-new material objects or better technology. However, my inner life may develop in an opposite direction from my need to be special, my wish to be seen and recognized for my achievements. No one may be able to see my inner development. If I don’t seem special to others, my false personality asks, why bother? According to Gurdjieff, we each have a higher emotional and higher intellectual center in addition to our three lower centers, but at present these centers are not accessible to us. An important characteristic of these two higher centers is that they are already completely developed. Our inability to access them is due to a number of factors: the lower centers are poorly developed or underdeveloped; the centers are unbalanced or one center predominates. There is also a lack of good connections among the centers. Moreover, false personality is overdeveloped and disharmonizes our inner states. False personality is extremely concerned with how I appear in external life and is instrumental in the development of false values that become part of me.

If I ponder his words, I can see the necessity for me to work on my centers individually and to make an effort to harmonize them. Gurdjieff’s term, “active mentation,” relates integrally to the development of inner life. If we become more harmonious—that is, if our centers are balanced in their operation—then we experience our lives more deeply and are able to receive more meaningful impressions from our experience. Those of us who are fortunate enough to recognize the importance of an inner life, then have an obligation to humanity. My level of education, my social status, how I came to this recognition of the importance of inner life, the path my life has taken up until now—none of this matters. I have only now, only the present moment to work; the responsibility right now to develop my inner being. This is what we are striving for—a higher level of being—but what is meant by the word “being”?

From the perspective of Work, I define an individual’s level of being as the degree to which she comprehends the objective purpose of existence, her role in it and her willingness to fulfill her obligation in that role.

Such competition produces either false feelings of superiority in those who excel or anxiety in those who do not measure up. Of course, even prior to formal schooling, the starvation and stifling of children’s being has begun. Many factors are responsible. The most important one is that the parents’ level of being remains undeveloped.

Bennett points out that a child’s upbringing is so incomplete and distorted, it actually forces certain parts of the child’s nature into the unconscious.

They are thus led to relate their own existence to one part only, the thinking brain, to the experience of which they attach the word “self” or “I.” Nevertheless, the other two parts continue to act in them.

Sadly, due to the overwhelming complexity of modern life, many parents unconsciously aid their children to distract themselves from unpleasant feelings such as anxiety, sadness, anger, or depression. Gradually the child loses her sensitivity for her own inner state or develops sensitivity without the means to contain, digest, and understand her emotions and experiences.

Gurdjieff is telling us that the acquisition of compassion for others is a lawful result of correct understanding of cosmic truths. He points out to us that this compassion and sensitive attitude is the attitude that all normal individuals throughout the universe have toward each other.

I need to have sufficient self-compassion before I can really experience compassion for others. And to develop compassion, I must understand objectively how we all are caught in our own prisons of habitual patterns of unconscious behavior. To experience compassion is a gift.

The aim was to get the loser to say “uncle” (“I give up!”). There was no doubt this boy was much stronger, but I was much quicker and I immediately got him into a headlock. No matter what he did, I wouldn’t release him regardless of how much he thrashed about. I didn’t squeeze his neck too hard because I didn’t want to hurt him. I continued just to hold him. I realized that he was almost too tired to move, and I could if I wanted to, get him to say “uncle” just by putting some more pressure on his neck. Instead, I released my hold, got up off the dirty cabin floor and walked out toward one of the playing fields. A part of me knew I had done the right thing, that it was the right way to be. It did not matter whether I won or lost or what the other boys thought of me. I simply did not care then what the others thought of me. My center of control was not outside me, but rather inside me. At age seven, I had touched a part of me that was mine, and that is the key interest in this story.

There was little attention or importance given to my inner world, except if I was sad or acting out. My parent’s focus on the external world and its importance established for me that the way I appear to others is more important than how I actually feel inside. This is the first great deceit. Parents and caregivers cannot help but focus on outer appearances because they themselves have lived under this slavery throughout their lives.

What is unconsciously created in these children is vanity on the one hand and deceitfulness on the other. These traits, learned in childhood, determine the character of the adult man or woman. By that time, it is almost impossible to change, except through a special effort on one’s part.

According to Bennett, when a child enters school he becomes the “slave of public opinion.” 12 This slavery remains with him throughout his entire life, and very few escape it. Even so-called “nonconformists,” whether they are artists, hippies, or wise men, are not immune. The artist or nonconformist outwardly may appear to have escaped from this slavery to public opinion, but it is usually only a façade. Inwardly, the rock musician, actor, or other so-called “nonconformist” is so desperate for others’ appreciation that the “audience” becomes a survival necessity.

Perhaps children realize somewhere in themselves that sports are stupid. Perhaps early on, they cannot really fathom why their parents smile and praise them so much for their sports acumen. My guess, however, is that this realization may be very short-lived and is quickly replaced by a kind of false superiority. No wonder. I have watched parents actually get into a fistfight at a Little League baseball game over a referee’s call. I was both amazed and saddened. The father of one of the parents had to be ejected from the game by other parents. I realized that what these parents were actually modeling for their children was how to be unconscious, identified, aggressive, out of control, and overly concerned with what others thought about them.

The child’s self-worth becomes attached to being successful at an activity that actually keeps him in a state of waking-sleep. In short, false personality receives nourishment and growth from competitive sports. The essence remains undernourished. Of course, one can feel a natural pride in sports activities. This pride comes from developing coordination; but as stated above, the idea of “personal best” is quickly lost and becomes secondary.

Bennett sums up the glorification of the personality that education and sports engender: “Thus everything is done to enhance the importance of appearance and diminish the importance of reality.

Reflection, or what Gurdjieff called “pondering,” is the ability to mull over an idea or situation with attention, to be interested in it and look at it from many different angles—to find meaning in the words that describe something or some situation. Moreover, pondering requires me to bring in data from each of the three major centers, not just my head brain. It took me many years to realize I was never taught to think clearly or critically.

For example, the meaning of a sentence is quite different from the words that make it up. Meaning is greater than words. Words are symbols that condense human experience, merely a shorthand method of communicating.

He was training them to pay attention and create meaning from what they noticed. It is rare for people to stop and just look at something for a time, finding meaning in what they see, trying to really see without drifting into fantasy. To “see” in perhaps its deepest aspect here connotes understanding the essence of the experience through awareness.

Part of our confusion in communicating with others is that an individual word means something different to each person. The meaning formed around the word is the result of correlating the word with a particular material object, situation, activity, or action. The intellectual center correlates automatically. Thus, we do not own the meanings of the words in our vocabularies, communication is inexact, people do not understand us, and vice versa. The importance of language and communication is an area of knowledge where Gurdjieff broke new ground.

“Myths” were destined for the higher emotional center; “symbols” for the higher thinking center.

The relationship of the emotional center to critical thinking is an unresearched area. Real thinking, the ability to ponder deeply about a subject, is an active experience. It requires me to engage not only the thinking center, but also my emotional center, which supplies the appropriate energy and force. Otherwise, so-called “thinking” remains merely a passive process of word association. Now, to go one step further. If the intellectual center is underdeveloped due to inadequate education, what then of the emotional center? What do we really understand about the development of our emotional center?

Perhaps, they said, “Cheer up, it’s not so bad,” or “Don’t be angry, you have no reason to feel that way,” or “Stop crying, there is nothing to cry about,” or “Don’t worry about it, it is only one test.” Not particularly meaningful responses—I know that no one ever made any attempt to help me explore and understand my emotional state.

When working with clients, I find that emotional self-regulation— teaching clients to strengthen and balance their emotional responses— is very important.

We also need to teach children how to remain in touch with difficult feelings like sadness, anger, grief, and loss, as opposed to dissociating from their difficult experiences. The latter is quite epidemic and is fueled by video games and other attempts to distract children from boredom or difficult feelings and make them feel better. Further exploration might include how to expand, rather than contract, their attention and interest, as they move toward adulthood and a vocation.

The health and harmony of the centers is directly related to my ability to take in impressions. Real exercise of any center must also include gaining new impressions of myself.

You can see easily how one center affects another after an argument with a spouse, friend, or business associate. The emotions generated by arguments affect how we act throughout that day and even longer— we may then have an auto accident, have a stomachache, or forget our wallet.

REAL UNDERSTANDING There is a major difference between knowledge and understanding. Knowledge is information we process in the intellectual center. Understanding is actually the result of the relationship among the three centers. For example, I may have watched someone sewing a shirt, but I have never done it.

What, you may ask, is different when I remember myself? During self-remembering and self-observation, I make an intentional connection between my centers, and I receive new impressions of myself, impressions that are a result of my centers being coordinated in the activity while a part of me registers this coordinated activity. These impressions nourish who I really am, that I exist, and I experience being more awake. All three centers come together as one in the moment;

they line up, supporting each other. Something in me realizes I exist while fully engaged in the activity of making a shirt. We need self-remembering so that these impressions become a permanent part of our memory.

Keep in mind the following: You can never fail in any effort you make if you are clear about your aim. You are after impressions of yourself simply existing in the moment. We will speak more later about the importance of impressions as the highest and most important of the three foods we consume.

In working with clients, I find that what they call their “conscience” often plagues them. Their conscience is comprised of beliefs, guilt, illusions, and sometimes, strange associations that have haphazardly become deeply rooted and strangely connected. New associations and experiences arrive and activate their conscience, full of previous associations. The previously stored data mixes with the incoming data and this conglomeration subsequently goes into memory. For the most part, their conscience ends up either plaguing them with guilt or justifying their actions. They feel guilty about what they have done in the past or justify what they are intending to do now. Sometimes they remain stuck in indecision, not knowing what to do, because their conscience is confusing them, guilt and shame are counterbalanced by desire and justification. I refer to this conscience, the one we all have, as “cultural conscience.”

While cultural conscience serves the purpose of limiting and guiding behavior, it is different for every person and in every culture. It changes throughout our lives; it is subjective. We might think that such subjectivity is a good thing, since it might allow for individuality.

Was there once an objective conscience that was the same for everyone and still allowed for essential individuality? Gurdjieff says that, fortunately for humankind, this type of conscience did exist, and it still exists in each person.

This conscience is not the conscience of guilt, but actually a faculty that can support and guide us.

Gurdjieff says this about it, “This conscience is not suffering; on the contrary it is joy of a totally new character which we are unable to understand.” 24

A Work group accelerates individual growth; each person learns from the others. The group provides a field where we can study our reactions, interactions, automatic judgments, projections, and needs; all this is immediately available to the alert searcher who can separate even slightly from his own automatic reactions.

Splitting: The tendency of an individual or group of individuals to think about themselves and others, and their behaviors, only in black-and-white—no shades of grey allowed. This type of thinking leads to group polarization, if not realized and addressed. Splitting is an unconscious failure to integrate the good and bad aspects of another person into a unified whole.

Projection: Individual defects and fears about oneself, often related to past experiences and situations, are automatically and unconsciously projected onto others and color the way we view others and our interactions with them.

Kill-the-leader: Although not a technical psychological term, it represents the tendency in a group for members to unconsciously project their own stresses and inadequacies onto a group leader due to their beliefs about the personal failings of the leader. Despite the difficulties I have listed, groups are indispensable. They provide the friction, direction, support, mirroring, and opportunity for insight that arises from working toward a common aim.

Chapter 7 Knowing Myself Here And Now

In a previous chapter, I spoke of the three different foods that we consume. Impressions are the finest and highest food we can assimilate. Normally, the process of taking in impressions is totally unconscious and automatic. When we begin to work and to study ourselves through self-observation, we begin to be able to consume impressions intentionally.

OPENING TO NEW IMPRESSIONS What do I mean when I use the word “impression”? For our purposes here, it is an effect, feeling, sensation, or image at least noticed or retained in a state of consciousness as a consequence of experience.

Another example comes from child psychology. When a child is acting out, a parent’s automatic reaction is to try to put a lid on the child’s behavior. The parent says, “Stop acting like that,” or “Stop running around crazily,” or “Don’t be angry, you have no reason to be angry,” or “If you don’t stop that, there will be consequences, __________ [fill in the blank].” Rarely does the parent say something more understanding, such as, “I get it, you’re angry. I don’t know what it’s about, but let’s just scream about it. Go ahead, yell, get it out.” Or, “I can see you have got a lot of energy. Let’s take our bikes and I’ll ride with you as fast as we can. Come on, let’s race.” Then the child could burn off some of his excess energy. This type of parental intervention seems counterintuitive, because it is outside the parent’s repertoire. The automatic attitude displayed by most parents is to stop any of the child’s behavior they find unpleasant because it is disturbing to the parent’s waking-sleep. The parent will say things that are negating and limiting, attempting to alter the child’s behavior by labeling the action “bad.”

DENIAL One of the most difficult things I have had to accept about myself is the degree of denial in which I live. Denial seems to be a survival tool for living in the modern culture. I

As a civilization, our denial of the incongruities, inequities, and injustices apparent in our lives is epidemic. This myopia to the obvious becomes deeply ingrained. Perhaps the only real chance I have to transmute my state of denial is through inner work. The Work goes directly against my state of denial. The more I see myself, the more difficult it is to hide from the truth. The study of my personal denial has been for me a means to understand the multiple nature of the human psyche as the seeing dissolves the psychological buffers (barriers) separating my various “I’s.” 1 Buffers are psychological appliances that act like walls separating distinct “I’s” from each other. We will look more closely at buffers a little later.

Self-calming may take the form of daydreams; for example, repeated fantasizing about a new car, dress, person, shoes, camera, degree, money, power, an occasion where I will stand out, or perhaps the most fantasized of all, sex. The different modes of self-calming are too numerous to list here, but prove to be a rewarding area for self-study if I wish to know myself. We learned self-calming in childhood, when we were overwhelmed by feelings of helplessness in situations we, as children, could not control. Its myriad varieties were created within us to defend our fragile psyches against being overwhelmed.

Self-calming habits compensate for overwhelm and take on a life of their own. I may take a drink after work or smoke a cigarette as a means of self-calming. These activities produce a reduction in anxiety and easily become habitual and self-reinforcing. Each of us needs a certain degree of self-calming to help us adjust to the stresses of modern life. However, I may find the central focus of my day or week is propelled by the need to self-calm—the “Thank God its Friday” party, for example. Self-calming might entail compulsive listening to the radio the entire day with earphones, compulsive searching on the Internet, texting, or compulsively fantasizing as an attempt to block out a terrible moment of my past. You can often spot self-calming behavior by its characteristic of compulsiveness. I find I engage in the behavior regardless of the things I really need to do.

Study yourself and you will become familiar with your self-calming repertoire. There is no need to change anything at this stage. If you change one thing, it will almost always have an unpredictable effect on your other behavior. Simply become familiar with your patterns. Change will occur gradually as a result of your observations. There is no need to judge the self-calming behaviors you find, although this will undoubtedly take place; they are neither good nor bad.

Each of us has certain “I’s” that long ago became experts at distracting us from the deeper wish for growth. These “I’s” do not want you to notice them and would rather remain hidden. The more you know and understand them, the greater your possibility of finding new ways to compensate for feeling overwhelmed or anxious, ways that will actually nurture you.

When I feel someone has not considered me sufficiently, a certain something begins to take place in me emotionally. What is this something; more precisely, what does it taste like? Am I able to let go of the taste or does it linger? I believe it is the taste of hatred—I am angry, hate being treated that way, and hate the other person. Alternatively, I am hurt, and my anger masks my hurt feelings and vulnerability. This is a wonderful arena in which to study hatred or hurt.

Seeing myself through my own efforts is very different from having a teacher, leader, friend, or therapist point out how I am. Another person’s viewpoint can undoubtedly help me. However, very few people can imagine the wonderful transformation that is possible when they initiate their own work. Self-initiation allows you to carry your wish forward, and experience overcoming your resistance or inertia.

The hidden treasure that lies within the force of resistance is that it presents us with the possibility of developing real will. Without resistance, we cannot develop will. Real will recognizes the effect of resistance, takes it into account, and uses it as fuel. We had experiences of real will in the past, when as small children we desperately wanted to move from crawling to walking, wanted to speak, write, or overcome whatever frustrated us. Children demonstrate the will to struggle; they fail and yet they persist. As we know, mistakes and failures are an integral part of the learning process. When learning to walk, we got hurt when we fell, we were frustrated, but it also elated us to try again. We have forgotten how incredible it all felt. We were in touch with the miraculous, the impossible.

Now, wouldn’t it have been nice to know all these years that walking was actually a controlled fall? Verify it yourself. Learning how to use resistance is the first step in learning how to intentionally struggle. It is the foundation for developing authentic will. Real will is not what we call “will power,” which is merely the dominance of one center over another or the momentary dominance of one small wish, or “I,” over others. I must be conscious of resistance in order to engage in real struggle. If I only struggle unconsciously (that is, struggle to get what I want from a situation) without awareness of resistance, then I will never realize the role of resistance and the part it plays in my inner development. Resistance becomes a gift if I can learn to use it.

Chapter 8 The Movements

METHOD OF BALANCE Gurdjieff described himself as a “teacher of dancing.” One of his greatest gifts to us was the group of dances and exercises he referred to as “Sacred Dances.” We now call them the “Movements.” The Movements provide education of the three centers in its most accessible form.

There are multiple demands on the students. They must engage their attention and work on all three centers at once, while working on the exercises or the actual Movements.

It is difficult to describe the beauty, intricacy, and yet brilliant simplicity of the Movements, harder still to describe the experience of doing them. Learning the Movements is similar to learning to play an extremely difficult piano piece, but in this case, the instrument is myself. No matter how well I execute the movement gymnastically, that is not the aim. More important is learning about myself while in movement, for I can never exhaust what the Movements can teach me.

Their collaborative structure requires an awareness of others that immediately sets them apart.

THREE-CENTERED ACTIVITY Movements are the most sophisticated and complete system I have encountered for developing a correct relationship with the body as well as simultaneous coordination and development of our three main centers. Almost every moment of our so-called “waking” consciousness is associated with automatic, unconscious movements. Our inability to inhabit the body leads to various dysfunctions ranging from susceptibility to disease to proneness to accidents. We hold our bodies rigid when there is no need to, wasting an incredible amount of energy. Similarly, we cannot relax when we wish to. All of this unnecessary muscular tension wastes energy, disrupts our sleep, and affects sexual experience. We lack grace in our movements, and only trained dancers or athletes seem to move in a way that is appropriate to our species. Most of us inhabit our bodies the way we stay in a motel. We treat the body as if we were just passing through, and we never get to live in our own home.

Movements help me to see the prison of my self-image. I see my reaction to frustration; how difficult it is to maintain my attention in a nonhabitual way—even for a few seconds—and how to move in concert with others in an intricate pattern. Persistence

Gurdjieff speaks about the possibility of “objective” music; that is, music that has the same effect on any person irrespective of their culture. The Movements music contains such an objective quality. Working with Movements provides a unique opportunity to experience a timeless and objective world.

Working in Movements encourages us to develop a new attitude toward learning, to bear the friction, frustration, and energy that working with difficult movements generates. In order to execute the desired movement correctly, something may need to break apart within me and reunite in a new way. This deconstruction and reconstruction is similar to the healing process in psychotherapy. Disintegration is required before new integration can occur.

Ordinarily, one might need a lifetime of activity to develop what the Movements can develop within just a few years. Work with the Movements can reawaken the original “sovereign learner” that was present in us as children.

PART III THE ELUSIVE “I”

Chapter 9 Waking Up To New Possibilities

All this is inherent in saying that there is the action that is beyond control of any power at all, that Gurdjieff calls the “Merciless Heropass.” As the system grows in complexity, a certain moment arrives when it is no longer possible to control it because anything that is done to control it introduces more disorder than it can rectify. —J. G. Bennett

FUNDAMENTAL STRIVINGS I believe that two of the fundamental questions about life that should arise for a truly responsible person are the questions of the purpose of life and the role of humanity.

The aim we share is for each of us to understand as much as we can of our individual purpose within this larger integrated whole. In order to summarize the place of human beings in this larger world, Gurdjieff elaborated the “Obligolnian Strivings.” Below are the Obligolnian Strivings. They are Gurdjieff’s shorthand version of the objectives to keep in mind for our personal work. Gurdjieff links them to the development of the divine function of genuine conscience. These strivings reveal larger responsibilities inherent in an individual’s real purpose.

The first striving: to have in their ordinary being-existence everything satisfying and really necessary for their planetary body. The second striving: to have a constant and unflagging instinctive need for self-perfection in the sense of being. The third striving: the conscious striving to know ever more and more concerning the laws of World-creation and World-maintenance. The fourth striving: the striving from the beginning of their existence to pay for their arising and their individuality as quickly as

possible, in order afterwards to be free to lighten as much as possible the Sorrow of our COMMON FATHER. The fifth striving: the striving always to assist the most rapid perfecting of other beings, both those similar to oneself and those of other forms, up to the degree of the sacred “Martfotai,” that is up to the degree of self-individuality.

HOW TO WORK This book is more about the how of working on oneself rather than a mere intellectual discussion. That being said, certain fundamental concepts are important to keep in mind. Three main concepts underpin the work of the transformation of consciousness: 1. Not identifying. Positively restated as the practice of disidentifying, to witness one’s existence, to separate an inner part of oneself. 2. Self-remembering: to remember the existence of oneself and one’s aim. 3. Not to internally consider. Positively restated as to externally consider.

addition, I find “disidentified” to be a much clearer term than “non-identification” or to “not to be identified.” To “disidentify” connotes a positive action. It conveys a different image; I find even my bodily experience of this word is different. The idea that I might disidentify places me in a positive frame of mind rather than trying “not to identify.” I will speak more about “disidentification” below.

Therefore, I made a commitment to experience my anxiety deeply, to take my practice tests fully expecting and inviting the anxiety to be there. This tactic helped greatly, and I passed the exam while experiencing only a bit more anxiety than during my practice. However, the real gift was my realization that anxiety is a definite type of identification. My anxiety has specific, somatic indications that are fairly recognizable to me. Perspiring, tightness in my chest, and a little bit of shakiness made me feel as if I were ill.

cold. By increasing my sensitivity to these physiological sensations, I realized I felt a little bit sick whenever I was anxious, worried, or according to my realization, identified. Gurdjieff said we need “alarm clocks” to shock us awake from the usual trance state we consider “being awake.” I need alarm clocks as reminders to work, to observe, to remember myself.

I noticed I could use the sensation of feeling sick as an alarm clock. It helped me remember myself (remember that I exist now as I am doing something) and pay attention to my state of identification; usually, some worry or another. My anxiety or sick feeling became a key, telling me I was identified. When you are sick, what do you usually do? You want to stop feeling sick, and you take a variety of medications to that end. It might seem silly if I said that one should attempt to sink deeply into feeling sick. However, I found that was precisely what was useful in relation to my anxiety: to experience the actual sensations my body produced.

AMPLIFICATION Let me make a distinction here. There is a difference between identification with a negative emotion, repression of a negative emotion, projection of a negative emotion, and finally, the useful expression of a negative emotion. We are so used to repressing our negative emotions that we don’t see them. They don’t go away when we repress them. Instead, we hold them as tensions in our body, and they may go unnoticed for years, until such constant stress makes us ill. For example, one of my clients holds tension in her neck and shoulders when she is stressed. I suspect her tension in these areas arises from an unconscious attempt to defend herself or keep from experiencing a painful emotion. Perhaps it is sadness, fear, or shame. It does not help to tell her, “Relax your neck muscles,” or “Don’t tighten your neck and shoulder muscles.” This would be like saying to myself, “Don’t internally consider,” or “Don’t identify.”

They suffer from what psychologists call “muscular amnesia.” They tensed these muscles at some time in the past, and through repeating the tensing in similar situations, their muscles do not remember; that is, they have no somatic consciousness of being tense. The muscles in this case need to be shown how to “remember.” Therefore, in the above case, the “what” my client needs is more relaxed neck muscles. You might think the “how,” will be to simply tell her to relax her neck and shoulder muscles. But this method does not work. Instead, I said to her, “I notice your neck and shoulder muscles are tight by the way you are holding yourself. I want you to tighten the muscles in your shoulders and neck right now. I want you to tense them. Okay, now hold that tension. Can you feel it?” After a short time, she said, “Yes, I can feel it.” Now I told her, “All right, now loosen the muscles, very slowly, just a little bit at a time.” It seems so simple. Yet, for the first time in perhaps forty years, the amplification of her habitual muscular tension has helped her to come in touch with her own body in a way that hitherto was impossible. In her entire adult life, she was unaware of her muscular tension; but now, the amnesic tension in her neck muscles relaxes, and she becomes conscious of how she was holding her stress. I had her repeat the tensing and slow relaxing until she became truly familiar with the tension in her shoulders. Next, I helped her to use these new impressions of herself to make connections with the emotions that caused her tension. Very often, a simple investigation of some somatic tension can lead into a deep exploration of a person’s life and provide new understanding. I am proposing that the same sequence of amplification I use in therapy can be useful for us in our self-study. What we need is to engage in the particular identification, be it complaining, anxiety, worry, etc., and become familiar with it, not to try “not to identify.” Instead, be identified, but also be present with your identification. If you notice the sensations in your body when you become upset or tense, and then sense your body and continue to experience the unpleasant sensations, you are engaging your identification and will receive new impressions of yourself. This “how”—noticing your ordinary bodily sensations and then sensing when

you are upset—can provide new impressions. By contrast, the attempt to “not be identified” usually occurs within the thinking center alone and usually produces very few new impressions. Instead, I think about work and fantasize that I am not identified. Thus, when you find you are identified, sensing indirectly changes your identification, subtly…

Often, they realize that, for many years, they have been defending against certain emotional experiences by tensing certain muscles, in effect attempting not to experience their somatic sensations. Or maybe they realize they have missed the enjoyment they had as a child when they were more fully in their body. Through the simple somatic work of paying attention to their sensations that come up around strong emotions, their emotional world opens up. Not surprisingly, amplification and release of tension from repressed emotions brings additional positive changes in their mental and physical states as well.

I wanted to get going. I also noticed I had some rather unpleasant internal talking going on, phrases such as, “Come on already, don’t you see how long the line is?” or “How dumb and inconsiderate can you both be?” and “Will she ever just get her money out of her purse?” etc. Then I realized I wanted to study my state, see myself truthfully, understand my identification and the lack of separation between automatic inner behavior and the situation I was so caught up in. What to do? Inwardly, I amplified my inner voice and silently said to myself, “What a jackass this cashier is, how unconscious, doesn’t she see the number of people?

I must emphasize that I did not try to separate, nor did I try to “not be identified.” Rather, a part of me was simply aware of my inner and outer identification, and I activated that observing part by engaging in and amplifying my identified inner dialogue. The separation comes of itself.

To repeat: The method of reaching this state of disidentification is not complicated. Simply amplify your inner state, put something more into it, up the ante. No one need know what you are doing. Paradoxically, you will remember this type of effort better than merely thinking about non-identification. A person may say to himself a hundred times a day that he should not identify, but when a difficult situation confronts him—someone blames him or something unexpected occurs—he drops back into identification, whether it is worry, annoyance, feeling pressured, etc. All the self-talk about not identifying is useless and remains just talk. When it really comes down to it, he cannot “not identify.”

THE STUDY OF NEGATIVE EMOTIONS The study of negative emotions and the possibility of their transformation is perhaps the greatest challenge of our species.

They may bring their knowledge to a situation, but lack self-knowledge and knowledge of the automatic, psychological structures of human beings. Academic research has not seriously discovered any means to study or understand how to work with hostility among individuals or nations.

Rarely have any of these negotiators actually worked at transforming—or as I call it, “metabolizing”—their own hatred into something positive.

Engaging negativity does not simply mean to get around it, through it, or banish it to the netherworld. Engaging entails entering into the cave of negativity to meet the dragons, the guardians, and the gatekeepers who guard the entrances and keep us from seeing its underlying causes. Gatekeepers and gatekeeping are subjects well worth studying, and we will begin to explore them below. As I stated earlier, to understand negative emotions fully, we need to investigate the difference between: (a) identification; (b) repression; (c) projection onto others; and finally, (d) the appropriate expression of negative emotions. Let us focus on anger to flesh out some of these differences.

In the second instance, you do not express your anger. Instead, you repress it, bottle it up and place it in an invisible psychological bag, the resentment bag, which you carry over your shoulder. This bag can carry only so much weight before you need to empty it. Some people are actually able to carry a steamer trunk on their shoulder—avoid them! Generally, you are not aware of the bag’s weight until it is about to crush you, then you may outwardly explode, projecting your anger onto someone else (that is, projected anger). Whether repressed or projected, the anger usually masks your more subtle feelings, such as hurt, sadness, fear, or shame, that are at the root of the anger and which you are unable to experience.

GATEKEEPING Gatekeeping is a psychological concept originally from Kurt Lewin’s work on communication and media work and which is adapted here to help us understand an important aspect of our inner world. As the name implies, a gatekeeper is a psychological mechanism that opens a metaphorical gate to certain experiences and keeps others out. It is a process through which information and ideas are processed. I was very excited when I first learned about gatekeeping.

Gatekeeping has a close connection with Gurdjieff’s concept of many “I’s,” which we look at in depth in the next chapter. The gatekeeper’s restrictive nature, allowing in only certain experiences and keeping others out, limits my ability to see myself fully. If you begin to study gate-keeping in yourself, you will find your gatekeeper is constantly evaluating you and others—it is rarely quiet. You can often notice its running narrative when you interact with others. The gatekeeping dynamic often determines our emotional states and feeds negative emotions. I often find that some small mistake I might have made in the morning affects my emotional state the entire day. This is my gatekeeper in action. The gatekeeper finds it very hard to accept that I make mistakes.

This type of shaming, blaming, and criticism is typical of the gate-keeping dynamic. If you want to find the gatekeeping dynamic in yourself and others, just remember one simple word—blame. Blaming is our culture’s mechanism for the release of stress and anger. Almost everyone is addicted to either blaming themselves or others.

The gatekeeper is like an editor of a newspaper who decides which stories to run and which stories must be killed. The term “gatekeeping dynamics” personifies this process. The word “dynamics” is shorthand for a series of moves similar to chess, where one party tries to beat the other, to checkmate him. Here, the dynamic involves the mother feeling hurt and making her daughter feel bad enough about her actions that the daughter will feel the way the mother herself does—that is, hurt and sad. The mother in this case is judging the daughter’s actions. As a psychologist, I hypothesize the mother judges her own behavior similarly.

The mother is engaged in the gatekeeping dynamic with her daughter. She wants her daughter to feel her pain. How interesting! Pain for pain. Very Old Testament. Doesn’t it make sense? It is the motor driving the gatekeeping dynamic. The mother erroneously believes that by causing her daughter pain, her own pain will be relieved. Thus, at the core, the gatekeeping dynamic is always an attempt to relieve an intolerable feeling, whether it is sadness, hurt, overwhelm, confusion, or inability to control oneself or a situation, etc. The gatekeeping dynamic originates in childhood. It is created as a defense mechanism to help the child handle being emotionally overwhelmed. The gatekeeper forms in the psyche and restricts our experience in order to mitigate or reduce the pressure of these overwhelming experiences.

Alternatively, in a situation where the child has been told she has failed, she may “choose” to view herself as a failure. The child narrows down her intuitive understanding of herself and the situation, even though, at a deeper level, she may realize she simply made a mistake.

Gatekeepers develop within every culture to limit the experience of its members. The gatekeeper keeps us seeing life upside-down, distorts and minimizes information, makes mountains out of molehills. That is, it keeps you addicted to behaviors that prevent you from seeing your life. It views you in a limited manner and disregards your other attributes; thus marginalizing and restricting your life experience. It can be very important for self-study to recognize the gatekeeping dynamics that reside in you. Practical Study of Gatekeeping Studying your gatekeeping of others: 1. Notice how you always criticize others. 2. Notice, through sensing, where in your body you experience this constant criticism, notice tensions in various muscles. 3. Gradually notice the unique taste of the above experiences, so that you are more alert to your experience of gatekeeping. 4. Try to find some meaning from these experiences. For example, you might notice how your criticism does not allow you a full picture of others, but pigeonholes them instead.

5. Notice how this part of you enjoys thinking and feeling negatively about others. Studying gatekeeping in oneself: 1. Try to notice when you feel embarrassed or ashamed. 2. Notice the gatekeeper’s inner dialogue. Perhaps you said something silly, did something wrong, made a mistake in a meeting, or someone embarrassed you. Then the gatekeeper follows this up by shaming you more. 3. Try to sense your body when you are feeling shame, notice the somatic experience, tolerate it without attempting to change it. In this way, you will become familiar with it. 4. Get a taste of this inner gatekeeping, how it feels inside your skin. 5. Notice how the gatekeeping dynamic tends to hang on and perpetuate itself. You may be thinking about your embarrassment days or months later, and it will evoke the same thoughts, feelings, and sensations.

The aim is not to analyze the concept of gatekeeping. It is, rather, to enrich your impressions and understanding of your gatekeeping mechanism.

BUFFERS “Buffer” is a Work term for a psychological barrier that develops between distinct “I’s.” A buffer serves to isolate one individual “I” from another. Buffers are similar to the bumpers between railroad cars. The cars represent different “I’s.” The bumpers keep the cars separate from one another and dissipate the shock of one car bumping up against the other.

In the Work, we encounter intense energies as we pursue self-observation and other aspects of Gurdjieff’s teaching. These energies may intensify our emotional issues. For example, if someone suffers from anxiety or has a tendency toward alcoholism, these proclivities may become intensified. The Work places additional strain on our psychological structures. Gurdjieff in his groups intentionally created difficult situations. He believed that by producing friction among people working together toward a common aim, it would help people to see the truth of themselves. However, because the Work tends to dissolve psychological structures such as buffers, we must proceed gradually. At certain junctures, people require support. The buffers developed over many years; thus, even though we may imagine a new way we wish to be, buffers can delay or derail our progress. Transformation requires the gradual dissolving of buffers, and it is accomplished, in part, through objective self-observation. There can be no transformation without increased self-understanding and without developing compassion for myself and others.

New impressions of myself are the catalyst to convince me that I have work to do. I must realize I have contracted a deadly disease—sleep—and only I can find the cure for it. As I mentioned in an earlier chapter, impressions are the highest food we take in. However, we habitually filter this new food. Because we live in a waking-sleeping state, it is almost impossible for us to be present at the reception of new impressions, unless we make a certain effort. Some people are unable to receive any new impressions at all. Instead, they only receive impressions from previously stored memories activated by incoming stimuli. Each of us has developed an unconscious habit pattern of repeating old impressions stored in our centers. We each have our own variants of the pattern, but it is unconscious in all of us. This pattern cuts us off from receiving new impressions. You can observe the idiosyncratic manner in which people filter impressions by noticing how different people describe the same situation. The Japanese film Rashomon brilliantly illustrates this phenomenon. In the movie, each person who observes a rape and murder describes it in a wholly different way. You may have noticed that very few people can agree on the simplest thing they witness. Each person sees different aspects of the same situation based on habitual proclivities and the focus of their attention. Thus, new impressions are almost always mixed with automatic memories and projections from the past. Therefore, nothing is ever new, unless a new part of us is present, the observing “I.” Additionally, we do not ordinarily notice what is taking place directly in front of us in the moment. If we knew how, we could receive many new impressions.

He did not recognize the person who stood in front of him. He was present in the moment and immediately noticed what was different about me. The reception of new impressions is also made more difficult due to our limited ability to focus our attention. A major cause of our inability to focus our attention is due to habits formed in us in reaction to the pace of modern life. We are in a rush, the pressure of time has become a disease for many of us, and it is so chronic we don’t realize how it affects our psychological and physical health. It starves us of new impressions and habituates us to the wandering of our attention. Time pressure and my habitual inability to be present in the moment results in my attention continually wandering, taken by any stray association from inside or outside me. There is scant time to notice details or even what is directly in front of me. In other words, there is no time for me to be aware of myself existing. As we age, the internal structures we accidentally developed because of the wandering of our attention become more rigid unless we undertake a specific type of work to expand our capacities and train our attention in a new way. This inability to intentionally receive new impressions leaves people starved for them. At the present time, the proliferation of movies, the Internet, television, email, and sound bites seem to be unconscious attempts to feed a voracious populace with an artificial food of new impressions; but the massive quantity of these

substitute impressions are poor nourishment. Computers must be faster, television and movies need to be in 3D. Even sound has to be intensified so people can feel alive and nourished. The younger generation now needs earbuds hooked to an iPod to receive constant new impressions and feel part of current culture. What is the cumulative effect of all this noise on our attention? How can we find a new way to develop our attention so we do not starve for lack of real impressions? How can we wake up to our heedlessness and undergo the metanoia that will enable us to learn of our own reality? We need to turn ourselves around—but who are “we”? Each of us is a multitude. There is a critical need to understand the multitude that we are, the many “I’s” that inhabit our being. Without this understanding, our real self is left wandering in an inner landscape without a map or compass.

Chapter 10 Many “I’S”…

In this chapter, I will examine Gurdjieff’s concept of psychological multiplicity and present information on the subsequent psychological…

Gurdjieff was much clearer about the psychological causes and ramifications of the psyche’s multiplicity. He says this: Man has no individuality. He has not a single, big I. Man is divided into a multiplicity of small I’s. And each small I is able to call itself by the name of the Whole, to act in the name of the Whole, to agree or disagree, to…

I find the explanation helps them understand their own multiplicity. Gradually, some even begin to see distinct “I’s” within themselves. This facilitates their ability to accept their contradictions and develop greater self-compassion. For those of us involved in Work, we can go further than a client and begin to grasp the discontinuity of the self due to multiplicity and the resulting fragmented nature of human behavior and existence. The concept of our multiplicity begins to explain a person’s inability to carry out a task or behave in a consistent and dependable manner. The self has no permanent continuous single “I” directing it; therefore, I experience a world filled with the results of my contradictory…

It is important to keep in mind that the development of many discreet “I’s” is not normal and is actually a dysregulated development due to the influences and habit patterns induced by Kundabuffer.

DIFFERENT TYPES OF “I’S” As Gurdjieff says, we do not have just one “I,” but many. A primary aim of my personal work would be to develop one real “I” that understands all the others and eventually has the ability to direct them. For this reason, there needs to be a more exact language to discuss our situation. Assuming I am open to the concept of my multiplicity, then what I call my “self” can be understood to be a multiple entity. In the discussion that follows, I will refer to the “I” we commonly refer to as “myself,” as “biographical-I.” Biographical-I is built from the experiences of my life. Many parts of my biographical-I, (different “I’s” within biographical-I) are actually imitations of others’ ideas, emotions, movements, and attitudes. Other parts are more original. They have developed from my reactions to situations I have encountered during life. I experience these parts as a unity, because they inhabit the same body and use the same name throughout my life. Thus, I experience a continuity of sorts that gives me a false impression of wholeness. Gradually, the experiences of these two kinds of “I’s”—the imitations of others’ behavior, plus my own behavior— form memory patterns. These patterns interweave to become my repertoire of reactions to life. I then repeat these behaviors throughout my life in reactions to a belief, situation, person, idea, mood, or attitude. The behaviors of the different “I’s” and their patterns cumulatively form the structure of biographical-I.

Some “I’s” may be interested in Work ideas, but others are not. You may find that one of the “I’s” of biographical-I aims to clean house, but another wishes to read a book all day. One of your “I’s” makes a commitment to your wife to spend the evening with her, and another “I” goes to a movie with a friend. Yet, you say “I” to all these conflicting aims. Therefore, your biographical-I may set many aims, but you can accomplish only some of them; others never will come to pass. Gurdjieff would call this behavior “law-conformable”; it cannot be any other way.

Biographical-I is filled with such incongruities—its very existence is actually a tapestry of many “I’s.” The ultimate aim is to nurture the parts of me that eventually become my authentic “I.” The authentic-I is conceived and nurtured only by receiving new impressions of me, which come from intentionally engaging in self-observation. The impressions I receive from intentionally observing myself become food for a different level of…

Ordinarily, impressions enter me automatically without any work on my part, similar to going to the movies, where I am passively fed impressions from the screen that cause me to react. No real effort on my part is made. In life, shocks can occur that might awaken me from time to time, because unexpected and painful situations arise. This shock may show me how I really am—self-centered, foolish, and insensitive. The difficulty is that these shocks occur too infrequently to provide any continuity in my inner work. It is continuity of practice that builds confidence and understanding. Additionally, the natural human…

In order to make new memories and not just replay old ones, a different quality of consciousness is required. It is in the state of consciousness, signified by the word “awareness,” that new memories are created, and these are the memories that are truly important and will actually be remembered by us. Thus, without awareness of ourselves existing in the moment, we actually miss completely new impressions. We often measure our happiness and satisfaction in the present moment against past memories, and this constant comparison of present to past experience in memory, dilutes our experience of the moment and prevents us from receiving fresh impressions. This entire mechanism of automatic memory-reaction patterns, Gurdjieff refers to as the “formatory apparatus.” 2 It is the dominant part of consciousness that allows us to react to day-to-day experience.

Our intellectual faculties are too heavily influenced by the past. Memories that replay themselves continually become stale. This staleness leads us to feel out of sorts and impedes our ability to experience and appreciate the newness of each moment.

This automatic unconscious need to avoid suffering can become a motivating force for addictions of every type. Avoidance of pain and suffering creates further limitations and rigidities in our behavior. If not countered, this rigidity changes the inherently flexible nature we had in childhood into that of a more limited machine—an automaton that always predictably repeats the same limited set of reactions.

In speaking of the difference between a human being and a machine, Lusseyran says that a person has an “I,” and that is what differentiates us from a machine. As unconscious, rigid automata, we have no actual “I.” To create a real “I” requires work.

I believe that having an authentic-I is my birthright. Yet, few of us actually claim this birthright, largely because we only vaguely sense the possibility of its existence. Few are willing to embark on the journey of creating an authentic-I and nurturing it to maturity, because it is not held up as an aim by society. Authentic-I would, by its very existence, change the actual composition of biographical-I. Having an authentic-I could mean that all the aspects of my previously disharmonized self could be integrated.

Psychologists define shame as a “natural affect,” one of the nine biological affects. An “affect” is a psychological term for an observable expression of emotion. However, each affect also has a distinct inner physiological experience. The other eight affects are anger, disgust, dismell, fear, joy, sadness, interest/excitement, and startle. For the remainder of this section, I will primarily refer to pseudo-shame, the type of shame modern people generally experience.

Without realizing it, shame has developed a deathlike grip on us. Our culture has wielded it as a behavioral weapon, somewhat like a cattle prod, since we were children to force us to fit in. Use of shame coercively in this way can wound and brutalize a child’s essential nature.

Having introjected emotional shaming techniques of a caregiver, teacher, or friend, the child then proceeds to police herself by inner talking and inner emotions—that is, by gatekeeping and utilizing self-shaming.

Clients I see in therapy are often tortured by the pseudo-shame they carry around. Pseudo-shame can be activated by thinking about their past actions, their life, their body image, their age, the negative emotions they experience with partners, children, and others, or just about anything else. Their shame combines with the pain they feel about past failures and decisions, or the fear and anxiety they anticipate in a failure lurking just ahead.

Shame comes up in so many ways, I am continually surprised people don’t realize its effects on them. One reason is that it comes in small bursts accompanying flashes of thought or emotion and is quickly covered over by defense mechanisms like denial or by buffers.

Instinctive or organic shame is different from pseudo-shame. Instinctive shame is a natural function, arising from its inherent connection to objective conscience. It should act as an alert system for our behavior, to help us change behavior that we experience as counter to our essential nature. It should prompt us to ponder the repercussions of our actions. “Let your conscience be your guide,” said Jiminy Cricket in the Italian children’s book Pinnochio. However, our culture has hijacked the essential roles of conscience and instinctive shame. A child is taught to be ashamed mainly when her behavior violates social taboos.

Study of Shame Yourself and Others: 1. In discussions and arguments, notice how individuals try to make others feel stupid and/or ashamed about their behavior or what they are saying.

2. At work, when your supervisor speaks to you about something you did incorrectly —or when you speak to a subordinate—notice the attempt your supervisor or you automatically make to have the other person feel shame for his error or stupidity. You can find the evidence in the tone of voice, the emotional message behind the words, or feel the tension that comes about during these types of conversation. Do not try to change your behavior at this time. That is not the point. Just gather impressions. 3. When you have made a mistake at work or in another situation, notice how you defend your position, decision, or action to yourself or others. See if you can notice and feel the shame you are experiencing. We do not like to make mistakes. 4. When you discipline your children or redirect their behavior, notice how you may subtly shame them as a means to get them to follow your directions. Cultural Examples: 1. If you follow politics, notice how almost every remark made by political figures in speaking about their opponent is an attempt to shame them. 2. In church or any place of worship, notice how shame may be evoked during the sermon.

Fear And Power

Thus, behaviors as simple as overeating, overworking, gambling, and compulsive consumerism may all relate to the need to feel safe—even though the feeling of safety might be spurious or shortlived. In fact, such behaviors merely distract one from the experience of feeling unsafe and do little to help one really feel safe. I have found that there is also a subtle connection between safety and power. When I feel safe, I also tend to feel more confident, and is not confidence very similar to real power?

wondered if fear, itself being just a reaction to a lack of safety, could induce this terrifying addiction to power that so many people suffer from. Is the unquenchable need for power activated in people as a reaction to counteract their fear that is a symptom itself of a lack of safety? Many people engage in various activities in order to feel powerful, to feel as if they are in control and appear confident to others.

Fear and need for safety are fertile areas for self-study. Fear and anxiety can serve as alarm clocks. They tell us we are identified, asleep, and that perhaps a molehill has become a mountain. Until we come to know fear in ourselves, we cannot even imagine the extent to which it runs our lives.

objectively study as a researcher by observing others from the outside. The mechanics of our emotional life can only be experientially studied.

Thus, we can make ourselves afraid of anything and everything. I believe the dysregulated experience of fear is an effect of Kundabuffer. That we have developed so many fears about the future, about situations that may never occur, about our health, and so on, seems indicative of a phantasmal perception of the world. Truly, we are “seeing the world upside-down.”

Studying Fear Try the following steps: First, make a list of all the things, situations, and people that make you feel afraid. What may seem like an intellectual exercise actually has practical value. The task of bringing confused, fearful thoughts and situations clearly into focus will change your relationship to those thoughts and situations. Then you can engage the fears that operate at the preconscious level. Often, we may notice something just below the surface of our usual state, but our attention is so quickly distracted that we usually do not pay it any mind. It is difficult to become aware of preconscious material unless it comes fully into your consciousness. For example, something is bothering you physically, but the unpleasant sensation is just beneath the surface of your awareness; and yet, some part of you notices. It is like a skin irritation or the beginning of a muscle ache, or a cold is starting. Only when the ache reaches a certain level do you notice it. However, were you to look back carefully, you would realize you had experienced several moments where this ache had poked into your consciousness. Second, pick one of the fears from your list that has a strong influence on your behavior, one you really want to work with. Let us say the fear you choose is about money. You may feel you never have enough money; you live with this fear constantly. Regardless of their financial circumstances and how rich they may be, many people live in fear of not having enough money. The fears surrounding money seem universal. For example, I find that couples that come to see me for help and have been…

immediate. Most of the fears we continually experience are clues that we are identified and feel unsafe. Fear & Money Here is a practice to help you become familiar with your fears surrounding money. You may need to do preparatory work before you actually can be present to experience your fear. 1. Sit quietly for ten minutes with your eyes closed. 2. Intentionally think of an issue about money that is bothering you— that is, where some fear has attached itself. 3. Imagine the worst thing that could happen in this scary situation. For example, my checks will bounce; I won’t be able to pay back my friend; others will think I am a failure, etc. 4. Make this imagining as real as possible; flesh out the images to make them realistic. In other words, names, dates, places. 5. For five minutes, while maintaining the image you have created, pay attention to the sensations that arise or occur in your throat, upper chest and stomach area. 6. Try for five more minutes to maintain the fearful image while slightly emphasizing your bodily sensations. This practice will facilitate your learning about…

New impressions may cause me suffering, but if I value these impressions, the suffering can be illuminating. The suffering I personally endured when I received new impressions of myself led me to new discoveries, and I found out things about myself I never would have suspected. The greatest gift was I realized I needed to be self-compassionate, this was the critical component of flexibility and crucial for me in the development of my authentic-I. Without compassion for myself, I would have continued a process of further calcification of my psychic lens,

This type of behavior goes completely in the opposite direction from evolution. It leads me away from returning to the source of my life and away from the creation of a permanent “I.” All of us need to recognize our rigidity, understand it, and bring humor and compassion to our self-observation.

They must realize that the purpose of Work is not to perpetuate their power or a dead, repetitive formulation of Work. Nor is it to find personal aggrandizement by developing a group that is big, organized, and powerful.

For example, if I have an image of being successful, it creates a certain bodily sensation and feeling. I feel confident and powerful. Conversely, if I have an image of myself failing, this image likewise activates my emotional center in a different way. I may then feel apprehension, depression, or hopelessness.