Lucifer's Lullaby

Breakdown

clawingly desperate energy starts to build, igniting the room in malevolent presence. Shadows start to move of their own accord around me, undulating, uncoiling… listening. A charged desolation begins to seep into the charred landscape of my soul, filling me full of emptiness. There is nothing, NOTHING left for me. My life is shit, meaningless. I have no purpose, nothing to look forward to, nothing to wake up for. There is no way out from any of this at all. I’m scared. I have nuclear strength emotions that make me feel insane. If I lose control… IF I lose control, something dangerous happens.

You are all screwed, you are all absolutely insane!

Instead, something else is taking over. Gosh, I have so much to do, so many things to achieve, so many GREAT ideas, millions upon billions of thoughts flashing through my mind so fast I can’t grasp a single one without the next jealously vying for my attention.

One moment I feel peace and calm, the next total despair, leaving me exhausted without an ounce of energy.

Clouds of depression blanket me. I fear that one day I will believe all these thoughts are normal.

Because everything I think, and everything I do, is for myself-and there isn’t a self. That’s why I am bloody unhappy.

Yes. I admit it. I have been a pleasure pig, numbing out every aspect of my life to block the stark reality that otherwise faces me every day. As soon as I stopped being a pleasure pig, my world started to collapse. It no longer felt like my own, rather, a mirror fragmented into millions of pieces in which each piece was an evil spirit trying to destroy me.

From a whispery recess in my mind, the voice starts to speak. Again. I am not loved. I have never been loved. Nobody really loves me. Nobody has ever really loved me. Ever. Another voice gently whispers: I am love, I am love. God loves me. God wants me. I am love.

Black and White Rivers

“Tears are the telescope by which you will see again into heaven, my friend.” BAM.

“Every tear proceeds from the heart. If the heart is in pain, the eye manifests it. Aye, the eye weeps in order to satisfy the grief of your heart.

“The wrenching sobs emanating from a soul delving into and releasing their grief, attracts the angels themselves. These tears shake all others in their vicinity to their cores, rattling their bones, creating a chain reaction, a viral wave of sacred tears that gives permission to everyone to feel their own holy wounds. “Very few desire to feel their pain because it is painful!” She glanced knowingly at me. I shrugged. “Many get caught in endless cycles of effect crying in self-pity, which keeps one circling around the hole of avoided pain. Surface tears have many varieties; crocodile tears are shed to manipulate, to deny deeper emotion, to gain a superficial sympathy for yourself. “Imperfect tears are caused by fear, fear of those souls who abandon error from fear of punishment, and weep for fear. When a soul is deprived of the thing she loves, her heart is full of grief. Sorrow for her grief, mingled with the joy of her hope in mercy, causes her to weep tears that issue from the very fountain of her heart.

She continued, “When the fire within you is strong, tears are comforting and tranquillizing rather than disturbing, and seldom do any harm. Don’t suppose that if you weep a great deal you have done everything that matters. Let the tears come when they come; make no efforts to induce them.

“There are tears for the loss of children, parents, friends and animals, tears for your denials of love that come back to bite you, tears for the loss of your cherished yet naïve ideals about marriage and lovers, and tears for things you know not what you are crying about. “You can cry tears of compassion for others’ pain; you cry tears for your own heartbreak. You can cry and laugh at the same time, feeling both sadness and joy, heartbreak and hilarity. “There are what the angels call Tears of Sweet Sorrow, where you cry the tears others do not dare to, where you weep for those who can’t see the pain they inflict on others, where you lament for the child who has lost her mother and you shed tears for the suffering of all beings on this planet.”

“You see, someone has to cry. If someone does not cry these unshed and unfelt tears, the world will stop turning; for the world turns on feelings. Gravity is the result of emotion. “The deepest human tears are of grief, as you release the burdens of your deepest pains.

She smiled gently, “They have gone beyond themselves, their sorrow and their grief. These tears are shed by those who have arrived at a perfect love, loving others without regard whatsoever for themselves. This weeping is perfect, tears of sweetness falling with great peace. “This soul arrives at such delight and tranquility of mind that no tongue can tell it! Her eyes let fall tears of sweet milk, nourishing the soul in true patience; an odoriferous ointment are these tears.” She turned around to look at me.

“The only infinite thing you possess is the affection and desire of your soul. The tears shed from this abundance of desire are of infinite value, and are the tears of fire of the Holy Spirit. “These tears are the sheer joy of the soul in love, awash with tears of awe inspired beauty, tears of gratitude and wondrous awe, being touched in new and virgin places that have never been tainted; tears of mystic delight and fervour, of heart breaking yearning, shaking and juddering in the throes of ecstasy. “And, some tears can never be described, for they encompass all emotions and feelings at the same time. I wish you these tears of all tears, my friend. For with them comes freedom, and a peace that passes all understanding.

My head swam with the plethora of images, and disorientated, swaying slightly, I closed my eyes to regain my balance. I looked up. Her face had vanished, not invisible, but totally blacked out, void like, save for a pair of crimson red squiggles drawn, nay suspended, in the space where her lips should have been.

I felt a rich inevitability, an irresistible force working magically, magnetically, inexorably sucking me in. I had to enter.

But beyond this, I could sense something even more tumultuous; a looming, booming, ominous resonance of total, and utter, silence. A silence that intimated a never-ending well of nothingness. The silence was like thunder. I knew that silence. I had always known it, somewhere. I gurgled sallowly. “Now, flow with me!” she bellowed. “Follow me into the river of dreams, where all grief and joy merge into the void of the midnight sky!” Laughing wildly, she jumped into the heart of the vortex and melted away into it.

There. I felt it! Sobbing, more tears flowed. I had been having sex with a bevy of assorted beauties, none of whom could resist me, but none of whom moved, inspired or touched me, none of whom made me want to really, passionately, fully be with them. A flurry of their faces accosted me, and I swatted them aside. None of them would do. But where was she, where was The One?

Lucifer on Sex

Yes… sex. Sex can bring you the attention, energy and pleasure you wish for; it can distract you from your unhappiness, satiate your madness and fulfill your needs. It can be a part of love, intimacy and affection; what all souls crave for. It can bring you close to another, temporarily rendering obsolete the notion of separation between you and those you wish to love, and be loved by.

Tibetan and Islamic religions talk about the hundreds of pure Dakinis and virgins that reside in certain dimensions, waiting to make love with the pure practitioner of their religious meditations, vows and ordinances. The next time you see a Tibetan Lama smiling beatifically, perhaps with a hint of naughtiness playing around his lips-bear this in mind! He is probably doing a certain meditation where he is merging with a deity and her scantily clad retinue, a veritable bevy of beauties cavorting, waiting to make love in turn with the great spiritual practitioner.

Yes, the power of sex. It can make men come alive and inspire them to great heights, yet it can also bring them to their death, to their rack and ruin.

“Put your magic wand of light into the sacred cave,” the Indians gleefully proclaim. “May the deer man and coyote woman mate together in harmony,” as the Native Americans inform us. Love freely, love everyone; monogamy is so old paradigm darling! C’mere…

Seeking that ecstatic feeling, is behind many of the drugs you take. In fact, if there was a drug that was… say… a mixture of Viagra and Ecstasy, combined with a guaranteed no disease disclaimer, most of you would be fucking like rabbits on street corners right now. Fuck, fuck, fucking away like there was no tomorrow. Now, if there were a spiritual practice that could do something like this, like in Vajrayana Buddhism, millions would sign up. There would be mass conversions in every city across the globe, and the dharma and sangha would become very crowded.

But, the irony is that the committed Buddhists who reach this sexual jewel and venerable goal, are solely engaged in copulating on the inside, and do not need the outer partner! Inner sex sounds good, eh? Or, you could just fuck like a rabbit instead.

The Holy Kiss

I remembered sharing breath, mouth-to-mouth, soul-to-soul, with a woman, in what Kabbalists call the Holy Kiss. In this kiss of love’s breath, our tongues locked together in motionless union, absorbing us in our holy desire, the urge to merge, to know, to explore, to pour ourselves into each other. Passion raged with tenderness, desire danced the softest caress, and love supreme reigned.

We allowed each other into our secret of secrets, our inner sanctuary. It is said that the character of a man is shown when he stares into the abyss. A man finds out who he really is. I found that this abyss is Love, and it was this abyss that I had been avoiding.

The Dakini

I was rudely ejected out of my musings by a wave of scalding ice-blue flames gusting into me, burning my face, spinning me hither and thither. Thumped by tides and torrents of cascading light coursing around me, I looked down, fascinated, as flames careered haphazardly throughout my body, blasting parts of me away into the torrid turbulence of the vanishing slipstream behind me.

I dared to drink from the wells of their demure, doe-like eyes. Captivated and entranced, a spell descended; the die was cast. Spilling sensation out of every pore, saturated in delight, I became a messy, drunken jumble, writhing in semi-orgiastic fervor on the ground. Laughing at my irrepressible high, I overflowed into bliss.

A single fang protruding from her mouth glistened with moisture and carnal dew. Her single breast exuded a solitary drop of milky white nectar, perched delicately on a purple nipple, waiting, anticipating. Her robe seemed to melt off her body, leaving her clothed in wisps and eddies of clouds that gently swirled around her. A tiger skin barely covered her waist, a miniscule triangle, tight and lean. Her topknot swished and glided, alive with the breathy undulations of a thousand serpents.

As I slid down her throat in a kind of gleeful and giddy abandon, (for if one is not scared of death, all of life is an adventure) strange forms floated around and about. With a mix of fascination and revulsion, I recognized them as my thoughts, suspended in mid-air. As I observed them, they slowed down their jerky movements, to then stop, frozen, hanging mutely in space. I gazed at one, a transparent shining edifice of a thing, and poked it with my finger. Its mute, frozen repose, shattered into a thousand pieces, tumbling and scattering in every direction, vanishing into the blackness. All that was left was emptiness.

Into the folds I dived, swallowed by the layers enclosing themselves in on me. I inhaled and became intoxicated by the vapours, gorging myself on their sweet sighs. I lay in the silvery-black waters coating her gut, caressed by their soft touch, with a pale glow soothing and nurturing my soul. Soft gurgles, oozy rumbles, airy parps and the sounds of salivating and sloshing punctuated the soundscape like liquid commas in my reverie.

The liquid was rich, dense and slightly nutty flavoured with its substance, thick and warm, enclosing me in its amniotic embrace. I shivered as I swam, delving ever deeper into the black embrace before me. Strange phantasmal objects loomed and leered before me. Hazy lights and half-formed shapes blinked on and off. Deeper and thicker I went, gulping the fluid down into my lungs and stomach; feeding, drinking, chewing, swallowing, enjoying my gastronomic foray. It dimly occurred to me that it felt like I was eating myself, which is why I enjoyed it so. Hmm.

I dissolved into her pink blood embrace, until there was nothing else. A far away thunder hummed through our blossoming union.

Like a retinue of nymphs, libating milk over a Queen bathing in her own luxuriousness, together we sumptuously gushed into infinity, a never-ending waterfall with no end, and no beginning. I was flung unceremoniously out of her yoni, foam and juices squirting, to thud into a soft, spongy, black bed. I rolled around, unable to right myself, as the bed moulded to my every movement, sticking to me like a bodysuit, welding itself to me like glue.

Each and every pore scintillated with her face, gleamingly radiant, supremely confident. Then, she spoke.

The Five Gateways

“Lucifer,” my name poured out of her mouth like honey, wafting sighs over me. “You are here to remember. Your memory has become foggy, your mind hazy, your heart thick and slow, as you have become enmeshed and lost in the world. “Now that your amnesia has been cleansed by entering Me, I can reveal to you why you took this journey.”

her. “How real are you? How real do you think you are? How real do you think this is? All your thoughts are just whirling pockets of energy spinning around an empty black hole in each and every one of your atoms. You are a transient bag of water and bone housing a whole lot of empty space.”

“The secret to the universe, the secret of yourself, is found through a series of five gateways. All five gateways are covered by five veils. This is why the pentagram has been so feared, and so welcomed, by different people throughout the ages. The pentagram holds the key to existence! You know this. “These five gateways are constantly whirling, each and every moment, around the nuclei of each of your atoms. Right now, if you were to look inside your body at your atoms, you would see these gates opening and closing constantly, like a mini mouth.” She mimicked a mouth opening and closing with her hands, and laughed.

“You mean, there is a black hole in

each of my atoms? How can that be?” I was incredulous. “The truly mind blowing thing, is that you are in fact, a living black hole! But, to enter this black hole that lies at the very heart of yourself is no easy task,” she warned. “The five veils are made of everything you have ever, in all time, thought yourself to be.

“In this stillness, you enter the heart of the black hole. You enter the void.”

“The uncharged, non-rotating black hole is a portal to the transformation of your physical body itself. If you manage to enter it, your DNA can mutate millions of years in an instant, back to a slobbering ape or into any number of possible future species… wherever you wish to go.” “So, say I step out of this black hole into the Pleiades star system, I could become a Pleiadian?”

Your mind can become the servant rather than the master of your heart. “OR, you can whirl around for eternity, locked in endless debate with yourself, spinning around all the beliefs, mental masturbations and insane babble your mind has created. “The uncharged rotating black hole is a portal to the full power of sexuality, that which you have just moved through and has allowed you to come here, to my dimension.”

“You know,” she whispered, “infinity runs on laughter. OR, you can spin around forever in a sea of self-hatred, inner battle, denial and half subjugated pain. The choice is yours. “The last black hole can only be reached in the successful journey through all the others. This is where the rotating spinning force becomes the portal to the total transformation of consciousness itself! All memories, references, and ideas of you can dissolve forever, to resurrect in a new cosmic consciousness. “In effect, you become The One.”

Creating Universes

“As you enter the void, mind can no longer comprehend or put together its previous train of thought, memory and reasoning, as this void tears apart all structures. All dreams… waking and lucid, morph and change as the reflected light of yourself dissolves. “This is chaos! An earthquake strikes at the heart of your mental terrain; the structures of mind quake and crumble, huge rips appear in what was apparently solid ground. There is no solidity anymore, and all that appeared as true, right and workable, begins to dissolve. “When this rogue agent of the void is introduced into the topography of your inner landscape, it starts to take root. This virus undermines all of you!” she exclaimed with certainty. “Err… and the purpose of this, um, annihilation, is….?” “To reveal love. Divine Love arises from the stillness at the heart of a black hole, when the clamour, cacophony, babble and spin of the self has diminished and dissolved. “Love conquers all. When this power of love… for it is true power… meets fear, anger and hate, it melts it. It melts even the hardest of hearts and the angriest of egos completely within four to five seconds at the most. This emanation stops all that is not love dead in its tracks!”

“This action of yours, this choice to let go, is the only way to successfully enter into the irresistibly attractive power lying at the heart of the black hole. If you do this, then you can enter the void and come out. If you don’t, if you resist, you will stay stuck forever in some dastardly twilight zone, a dream dimension. “Or, even worse, you could become a plaything, a guinea pig, a prisoner for some other civilization in some other universe, or even worse, totally dissolve into a trillion, trillion pieces, forever wiped out from all existence. It would be like no one had ever known you, and all time and history on earth would be altered, probably for the worse.”

She smiled gently, “IF you do this, you may find some memories may linger, some dreams and random recollections may still occasionally whisper, but there would be no substance to them anymore, as they have been dissolved on the most fundamental of levels. “The reality of who you are would become clear. What is real is always real, and what is false will find no hiding place in the spin of a black hole! “Anyway,” she cleared her throat, “as you travel into each black hole, new challenges will present themselves. Only you, and the guardians you meet, will know what these are; there is nothing more I can tell you about them.

“Err… why do they avoid the black holes I am supposed to go into? They being so super-evolved and God-like and all…” I asked, ominously. “Because they lead to places they would rather not go, and they are ‘happy’ with where they are in their existence. They do not have the discontent that so spurs evolution on earth. Their suffering is less, therefore, so is their thirst for further growth. “When you have the power to create universes, life is, let’s say, good. Their evolution comes from tinkering with the laws of light, space and time, and they can spend millions of your earth years simply playing with this.

She continued, “Only one of the black holes you will be entering is a wormhole; the other four dissolve all that is not light in different ways. So you are a pioneer!”

“Your universe may have been made by a technologically advanced civilization, appearing like gods to you, but very much like yourselves, using technology and machines only slightly more powerful than the big particle accelerators and colliders on your earth. “In fact, no one quite remembers who made your universe anymore, as it was such a long time ago.” “So you are saying God the Father did not make my universe? I know Him personally! I was there! How can you leave Him out of it? What about…”

“If it’s possible, and you could do it, do you think anyone would not do it? A civilization that has the technology to create black holes and bud-off universes would surely find the temptation irresistible. All creation wants to do is to create!”

She shrugged, “Who knows? Life as it seen by these designers might be very different from your conception of it. If you create something, you also have the right to destroy it, in a way.”

“Wow. I see, I see. It seems like this whole process is just like making love!” I exclaimed. “Some acts are loving, some lustful, some sad, some just kind of random, some brutal, some…” “Yes, now you are getting the picture! It is a Game of sorts, a potentially Infinite Game. Playing this Game, you get to meet all kinds of beings, all kinds of civilizations, all manner of attitudes and life styles that souls across the multi-verse indulge in.”

“So, I have to somehow engineer a stellar explosion and supernova, from which the black hole was birthed?” “Yes. Or find a star that is collapsing right now and harness those energies. That would be easier.”

“The irony is, Light Bearer, that first you have to remember who you are before letting it all go.”

Black Hole Calling

“This is your first assignment; to enter this black hole of your emotions, and return through the white hole. Think you are up to it?” she smiled mischievously.

“Every scenario can appear more real than life itself! Whether your most longed for dream life is real or not, does not really matter, for what is reality when all time is collapsing and all possibilities imaginable in every dimension and parallel reality get played out? “Whether this is years, minutes or seconds matters not; it is but a series of fleeting moments. All possible scenarios can and will happen.”

“A black hole is a singularity, a one-minded beast that only ever does one thing; suck everything into it. If you are to move through it, you must totally embrace the experience, you must have a burning passion and clear purpose within your heart to keep going. “If you forget, you could become trapped in an endless cycle of past memories, fleeting dreams and future imaginings forever!

“What is this light?” “The light of truth. The lightning flash of freedom. The lamp of free will. Do you remember what Christ said to you when you were Judas? ‘You will be cursed by the other generations, and you will come to rule over them.’ Do you know what this means?”

“Hmm… The amnesia is worse than I first thought. But, is it amnesia, or just plain denial?” she mused to herself out loud. “Hey… HEY! I’m here. No need to talk about me like that, behind my back!”

“This is why Christ came to earth-to seed this new blueprint into the human DNA. You hold this seed, the blueprint, within you. This is also why you have been created: to activate this seed,” she paused. I held my head in my hands. It was starting to pound again, and I was scared the voices might return. “You are unique, Morning Star, for it is only through your becoming human that others can really receive the seed Christ first planted.

“You have to reach the lowest point of your existence, when your pride is punctured, when you are humbled, broken, spent, and therefore finally open to the truth of your purpose.” I sighed, and slumped. The bitch was right. “Do you remember these things? Try… no, no, don’t try, just… just allow your mind to soften… lose your focus. Close your eyes… allow the wisps and eddy of your dreams to flow. “Creation is a song, a song you heard, the Song of Shiva. Remember?” “Remember…”

The Song of Shiva

In a flash of intuition, they collectively realized the only solution was to evoke the Dance of Destruction once again, to destroy the veils of illusion, to dispel the fog of ignorance. The time had come for Earth to realign itself back to its natural Rhythm, to bring back the music of the spheres that held the heavenly bodies, and our bodies, in ecstatic harmony.

Lord Shiva could not fail to respond. Descending from his place in the heavens, He arrived at the sacred convocation on the twenty-eighth day at twilight, accompanied by a blazing aureole of golden flames and sky blue light and thousands of ganas, his celestial attendants. Space itself shimmered, morphed and curved to accommodate His presence.

“Yes. I was there, I made the plea to Shiva to destroy the last wretched earth experiment. I did not have the authority to do so at that time, which is why we had to wheel Shiva out from his Tantric love chamber, where he had been making love for thousands of years to do the job!”

Yes. I could create by manipulating these vortex streams of sonic shapes, glowing geometries and pulsing sounds. For sounds are words, words create thoughts, thoughts create ideas, and ideas shape and transform the world.

The greatest artists find meaning in all things. They carve statues from what is already hidden in the marble around them. The greatest musicians see the musical forms already existing in the air around them. Everything is already here! It is just a matter of taking off the blinds, veils and filters to see clearly, and hey, presto; it has always been here! But this gift and ability, of creating through this matrix of thought, sound and perception, is not what I am looking for now. This is knowledge and power I already have, and have already gifted to humans.

Mirror neurons create a mirror for you to see who you are, and perhaps what you fear and what you would like to be. What you do not like, you project outward onto the mirror. What you do not like about the world, all your fears, gets projected onto me. I have sucked this up for untold millennia in a wealth of different names and guises.

The Beginning

Perhaps the most hilarious trick I came up with, something I am very proud of, is the reverse mirror trick. Simply put, if you reverse what you see, you will find the truth. God liked that one too. In fact, God likes everything, so much so that in each step of Creation, he mightily proclaimed, “It is good!”

Angels don’t have choice, but humans do. Or so I thought.

The Lake of Sighs

truth.” “But yes… hmm, it is not easy for you. The greatest things you have to give to the world are the ones you have forgotten! Yes, this is quite… hmmm…”

“The underworld? I thought I was already there! I thought that was earth,” I exclaimed. “The earth is a zone of sorts, a dimension where the underworld and heaven can co-exist.

“I Am Anpu Anubis, Judge of the quick and the dead! Welcome to the Hall of Two Truths and the Realm of Ma’at, Queen of Harmony and the truth of the heart!” He gestured imperceptibly to his left side.

As I became absorbed in trying to see beyond myself, I began to dimly make out all the many different faces and characters I had pretended to be throughout history, all the many shifting faces and phases of my existence, all the people I had met, had loved, and had damned. Fascinated, I gazed for an eternity. A smile emanated from the light. It gestured to the small figure next to her.

This is different, he shared. Here is where the human heart reveals itself. Gesturing to a feather held in Anpu’s hand, he shared that if my heart was lighter than his feather, then I could pass through to meet Osiris, where I could reclaim my heart. He continued aloud, breaking our warm and intimate spell. “There are forty-two ways in which the heart opens, and there are forty-two ways in which you can close it down. Look, Judge for yourself.” Suddenly, a swarm of dwarves flocked around me, materialized out of the liquid darkness around us. Cackling, muttering, howling, scritching; they surrounded me until I was knee deep amongst strange, bestial and baboon-like creatures. Each of them wore a different coloured feather on their head, and looked at me in a disturbingly familiar yet completely alien way, like they were my most intimate lover and my worst enemy all at the same time.

My heart felt battered and bruised, my body bloated and confused. My mind was numb from the chaos, the contradiction, my own hypocrisy and lies. I felt a creeping sense of having done something badly wrong, something unforgiveable, a sense of… guilt? The Queen gracefully undulated out of her halo of light, shimmying towards me without seeming to move. How did she do that? Her light spoke to me from within the folds of radiance that encased her. “Hail Lightbearer! I Am Ma’at, Queen of Harmony, Justice and Truth. Strain to hear the secrets of your own heart, rather than the thoughts of others. Do not ensnare yourself in sorrow. May you live forever!”

In that moment, I understood. More than that… I was this! This had always been me; it was not alien or unfamiliar. It was something that had always been buried within me, the same place and feeling; oh blessed is this feeling once more, that which I had always felt my purpose lie in.

In the times I didn’t, I ranted at the virus of humanity and its overflowing sickness, greed, ignorance and downright stupidity. “Secrets stop intimacy, my friend. You have seen all of humanity’s secrets, and ranted against them. But now, to change anything, you must become one of them, and see from here,” she pointed to my heart. “You have been judged, for in your true Coming, the greatest changes will occur. Those who oppose freedom are most threatened by this; for you continually create something new, something daring, and something out of the ordinary. “But now, do it with this heart. This is where the greatest creativity in the universe is stored, and once released it can birth universes!”

“What dies is another form of creation. In the beginning of anything, also lies its end. All new beginnings are another creation. These are the rules of the Game.”

“Damn. So what’s the point?” “There is no real point. Just to experience and make new and novel choices from your heart. That’s all. You will see.”

Home

I giggled aloud to myself as I felt the sensual, curled up, snug and warm form of my Beloved Lilith next to me. My Beloved!

“Yes! She was saying that in order for you to enter the real, you have to lose all of the status that you have ever had!” Her eyes lit up as she gushed forth. “You have to become human to experience the love that only humans can have. This is the gateway!” I laughed nervously. “Immortality and position… Gone… Poof! In an instant. I am no longer an archangel but just an ordinary man. Right. Ha! But, this would take an Act of God to do! How can I reverse who I am?”

“More than that; you are choice itself my Love. You are choice itself! Use it now. Choose to become fully human!”

The Abomination

Was that a dream? I woke up, scratching my head. The room was a mess, and I was alone. I scrabbled in the sheets for Lilith. Alas, there was just a cold, empty space. Was she real? Am I still in a dream, or in a black hole?

When I close my eyes I open up into limitless expanses, where nothing draws near. In this aloneness, who I thought myself to be, becomes a mere inkling, a hint of a suggestion, a whisper of a hunch. As I open my eyes, I whirl, faster and faster. I am a black hole and have never been anything else. Forever cycling around myself, the sands of infinite time enfold me, washing me so clean I no longer exist. But I did, somehow. There was still an iota of light that burned within me, a seed of light flickering, a glow of something organic amongst the parched, lifeless aridity. But I can’t remember which part it was, as the part I could remember was already gone.

I have been unaware of my ignorance, and was misled by my supposed knowledge. If I don’t know what I don’t know, I am doomed to ask the wrong questions, vainly chasing useless avenues of iniquitous inquiries.

From the depths of the abyss, a super-volcano imploded, collapsing inward. Shooting out flaming plumes of flaky ash and shrouds of thick, billowing smoke, shock waves shuddered out between it and the rapidly cooling gases created in the aftermath.

This new being had spun into existence as a conundrum, where all possible outcomes existed. In its chaotically tumbling set of possibilities, all good and all bad happened an almost infinite number of times, birthing an almost infinite number of moments in each moment; it was like being reborn in every instant. There was enough power here to birth universes, or implode them. Such was its might. As soon as it was born, as soon as it became sentient, it dimly understood, in some dungeon like chamber somewhere deep in the sludgy recesses of its trapped, pus like membrane of a mind, that there was something greater than itself, something before itself.

He was both suicidal and passionate, mightily desirous and power hungry, existing on the edge of breakdown, a hysterically crazed, sobbing frothing beast of raging power, ready to ferociously unleash damnation at any moment. His frothing façade masked the total possession of his vacant soul by angry, disavowed lovelessness. Continual thoughts of death, attack, and merciless murder were his mission.

The more he created, the blinder he became. The blinder he became, the more he created, and thus the more he vehemently proclaimed that he was God, and that all of creation should kneel before him. Which, of course, you did.

Paralysis

Maybe I was now innocent or completely dumb-I no longer knew or cared. I felt like I was now a part of the living dead; like I could be stuck here forever. I began to wonder; what will become of me in the days… weeks ahead? Will I ever live again?

Worse than this, I began to entertain the numbing notion that perhaps I had always been human, and had been indulging in a dreamlike, power tripping, comedic fantasy of being Lucifer in some echo of my addled mind to escape my raw reality. “I am just me. I am just this, right now.”

My immediate problem was swallowing, trying to move my head and finding my voice, for I had no control over anything at all. I could only live each moment as it came. Faced with this, I felt strangely calm, even a mild euphoria at first. Yet, during the first few days, I found any emotion, and even any thinking, exhausting. Any kind of thought not focused towards my immediate survival drained me. I began to communicate with others by blinking; one blink meaning yes and two for no. I worked on trying to speak. I had lost control of my emotions along with my muscles, and like a baby, all I could do was cry to attract attention. The only way I could express was through reams of unexpected copious streams of tears. Words seemed pointless, having no meaning at all. All eloquence had dried up, cracked and parched like a river that has given up on itself.

By now, feeling was returning to my face and I was able to speak again, one slurred, dribbling word at a time. Words tumbled over themselves as I learned how to use my tongue, how to shape my mouth, how to move it without slobbering all over myself like a spastic. At the same time I started to think again, but in a new way. How can I explain? Being trapped, like a prisoner in one’s own body, makes one re-evaluate certain things previously taken for granted. The freedom I had before had not returned, but I did not miss it. There was a certain… richness in just being here, enjoying the simple triumphs of living that I had overlooked and ignored before.

Just the simple touching of a flower sent ecstatic shivers throughout my entire body. Appreciating the freedom of a single movement of my arm brought tears to my eyes. Being able to touch and feel my own body melted my heart in rivers of tears that the birth of a star could not even begin to compare with.

Why bother talking about the world and its supposed flaws when I could caress silk sliding betwixt my fingers? Why bother with anything else apart from feeling like this?

The Lord of Time

When one starts to travel close to the speed of light, and you are given a push, you can’t go much faster. But you have been given extra energy, and that energy has to go somewhere. Where it goes is mass. Mass and energy are equivalent. So the more energy that is put into my velocity, the greater my mass becomes. Basically, once one reaches near the speed of light, their mass starts to increase rapidly. “Shit! So I would become like, a super-size me, or half-ton dad or something?” I asked inquisitively. “More than that. You would bloat and expand and maybe even blow up! You have to go beyond the speed of light and time itself so that you can enter a black hole.”

remembered being told that there are many lamas, yogis, advanced extraterrestrial beings and such, living near the centre of black holes. Only they can withstand the raw forces of creation by channeling these energies and transforming them. Some channel these energies into bliss; others transform them into unimaginable love, others into terrifying powers of creation and destruction, and yet others, for time travelling.

With this thought, I shifted from the dimension I was in, into a rippling, fathomless, softly undulating white space, wherein sat a levitating, naked man.

He sat, softly and silently suspended in the whiteness. Cross-legged, eyes-lidded, face at rest, his countenance glowed gold.

“Welcome, Light Bearer,” he boomed gently inside my head. Telepathic too. Cool, it saves me time like this. Such a nuisance speaking and explaining things to people, repeating and repeating the same thing all the time. He also knows who I am. That saves time too, so we can just get down to the real juicy stuff, not the usual bullshit small talk, ‘how’s your father, what’s the weather like,’ type thing.

“You are attempting to enter the core of a black hole. To navigate through it takes skill, and the knowledge of the science of time.”

The art of time explains how time works in multiple time frames in multiple dimensions simultaneously.

“You don’t need to know. It’s all you, and it will arise to show you every possible angle of yourself.” He opened his eyes. I gasped. His irises were oceans of fathomless, still, unmoving blackness, flecked with veins of burnished gold. His eyes were so deeply set into his face that he looked like he was in another world. This being was deep.

“But it can affect the very workings of time too. This is just a step. So, let us return to the present, where all times flow from!” he chuckled. “The nine cycles are: the past-present, the past-past, the past-future; the present-past, the present-present, the present-future; the future-past, the future-present and the future-future.”

Whispering, he said, “Like a great code, a tumbling wheel of locks and levers, cogs and wheels, one can play with these cycles of time in a nearly infinite set of combinations, harmonics, permutations and sequences, to travel wherever is needed to go.

“The past-past cycle of time is the foundation, the bedrock upon which you have built the platform for all the circuits of time and the fabric of space, and it is the beginning. In the beginning lies the end, the future-future, and through this loop of time connecting, like a serpent eating its own tail, time itself can be transcended.

“The present-present is living totally in the power of now. There is no reference point in any dimension whatsoever. To live at this frequency, as I do, even though I have slowed my frequency down to speak to you, means you are a master of time, and have transcended the pull of time and the grip of space forever.”

“What is quickest may not be the best, my friend. There are nine cycles of time for a reason. Don’t be in a hurry to transcend anything. There is plenty of time!” “So you are saying that all nine cycles need to be completed and then we can fully live in the present-present, where you are?” “That’s what you are saying. Not me. But yes, it is partially true from one perspective. Listen and learn patiently and soon the whole picture will be known.

From the future-future flowing into the past-past, all possibilities are woven and allowed, for all circuits of time are held within this embrace of total connection.

“You have to discover and connect all parts of yourself in every possible history and parallel reality, living them fully so they can be brought into harmony. Only then can you enter the Core.” “So how do I get to meet, and err… sort out all these selves?”

“You will recognize each and every one of the infinite numbers of your infinite selves when you meet them; there will be an instant familiarity between you, a deep knowing of a shared destiny, of fate, of chance and fortune, a feeling you have to do something together.” “So you are saying this is my soul family? I have always wanted to meet them! Yes!” “Something like that. Each person is a symphony, a collection, some would say a mishmash or a smorgasbord, an orchestra of notes playing together in some kind of, ahem, harmony.

Christ did this with his apostles, as did Buddha with his disciples. When such an event happens, it changes the course of history for every being alive!”

Top of ForBottom of FormAll you have to give up is everything… in order to be everything.”

I Lucifer, I Christ

I looked around at them all, and a wave of power coursed through my breast, mixed with contempt for the weakness of these so-called men of God. I stood up and turned towards Yeshua, but my pride made me unable to look him in the eye, and he turned his face away. I felt something change in that moment. An inexplicable shift occurred, a cross roads of sorts. Something had broken and something new was happening. I felt excited and scared at the same time, excited at the new and scared at the sense of foreboding at what it all could mean.

I cried out, “I know who you are, and where you have come from! You are from the immortal realm of Barbelo.” Yeshua turned to me and whispered, “Step away from the others and I shall tell you the mysteries of the Kingdom.”

“It is possible for you to reach the Kingdom, but you will grieve a great deal. For someone else will replace you, in order that the twelve may again come to completion with their God. You will grieve much when you see the Kingdom, and all its generations.”

Yeshua answered, “You will become the thirteenth, and you will be cursed by the other generations; yet you will come to rule over them. In the last days, they will curse your ascent to the holy.” So saying, he smiled a gentle smile of sadness mixed with compassion, and came forth to me, placing my head against his breast. And I wept and wept and wept, huge wracking sobs shaking my whole body. These tears I cried, I know not why. But his Prophecy had begun.

Together As One

What is good and what is bad? Are these both judgments? Perhaps there is neither. Perhaps, like robes we put on and off, they suit us to wear at certain times, and at other times we prefer to be naked.

One pathway loves all, for as Yeshua shared, his yoke is easy. The other path is mastering the shadow, going through the dark side. In truth, we have to do both, but there are, let’s say, inclinations.

To see love, one has to have healed the shadow. To heal the shadow, one has to know love.

the Light Bearers (Lucifers) and the Cross Bearers (Crucifers).

Prophecy After my tears with Yeshua, His Prophecy began.

I said, “Master, listen to me. I have seen a great vision. I have to tell you!” Yeshua laughed, “You, thirteenth spirit, why do you try so hard? But speak up, and I shall bear with you.”

“Judas, no person of mortal birth is worthy to enter the house you have seen, for that place is reserved for the holy. Neither the sun nor the moon will rule there, nor the day, but the holy abide there always, in the eternal realm with the holy angels.”

“There exists a brilliant boundless realm in which lies a great invisible Spirit, which no eye of an angel has ever seen, no thought of the heart has ever comprehended, and which has never been called by any name.

The Beatitudes

“Blessed are they who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. Blessed are you when men revile you, and say all manner of evil against you. Rejoice and be glad; great is your reward in Heaven. They persecuted the prophets that came before you.”

Yeshua replied, “When others attack you, and they will in the times to come, with harmful words and despicable actions, and when they shun you because they do not understand you, your path and its values, this is a golden opportunity.” “A golden opportunity… for what?” Yeshua smiled, “When you are judged or scandalized by others, the emotions that arise within you of hurt, betrayal, shame and fear can be used to empower you to new levels of love and wise understanding. “The injustices of this world, the ‘worst thing’ that could ever happen to you, may just turn out to be the best fuel for your ascent into Heaven! Disruption will become opening, shame will become courage,” said he, looking directly into Peter’s widening eyes, “and judgment will become forgiveness.”

“In judgment, one is given a palpable choice to live through peace, rather than get ensnared by the hooks of fear and conflict. Turn your cheek every time my friends, if you want to know the Kingdom! If you follow Divine laws, Divine you will become. If you follow worldly laws, worldly you will become. “Be vigilant. Demonstrate that you do not need to get ‘hooked’ by the choices of others to live from ego, rather than from love.” He turned again to Peter, “Similarly, those who find success in gaining wealth, power and fame are also judged and envied by others who want what they have.”

Yeshua nodded sagely, “Yes, it is best to be patient when provoked. Attack and judgment help you recognize yourself, and your responsibility in healing yourself.”

Yeshua continued, “The curser is helping the cursee to grow in love and compassion. By losing light, he is creating space to shine a brighter light. So this is Justice, for both parties are given an opportunity to grow. There is no loss, just transformation.”

“Soon, you will become the lambs that I toss amongst the wolves of this world to share the glad tidings that the Kingdom of God is open to all! Yet remember… this world is not my Kingdom, or the Kingdom to come.”

The Beginning and the End

Waves upon waves of unearthly light poured from his eyes, burning a fiery intensity of Love. Incandescent, burnished, solid rays of golden light pierced me, transfixed me, burning the fabric of my soul, etching, imprinting, carving its way into my heart, from forever… for forever.

Naked

In my descent, in my ‘fall,’ I have learned to accept everything. I chose this pain upon my human incarnation so I could learn what has been created here. Only through this could I truly feel and accept humanity. Once I accepted everything fully, no matter how crazy or absurd it seemed, no matter if it hurt, no matter if I thought it was anyone else’s fault or problem, I became free of it. I have been demonized and judged. I have been used and abused, like all of you. I have been the outcast, the outsider, the black sheep of the human family, the one no one talks about, or if they do, it is in smuggled whispers, out of earshot.

This hurt me. Deeply. It made me do things I have regretted. Pain does that, you know? I felt lonely because of this… very alone here on Earth. Even though God’s love and joy is now always here for me, I sit down sometimes and feel sad for no reason. I have no friends who understand me, who can relate to me. I have no one I can speak to really, for my soul mate Lilith, is in the heavens, and does not talk to me anymore.

My separation from my humanity, my attempted transcendence of it, led to the greatest split. I am human as well, after all is said and done, and me not trusting this, me defying this, led to untold acres of pain. I realized I had to feel separated, just like you, in every conceivable and possible way that could ever be devised, thought up and executed, with all the attendant torrid emotions and beliefs involved, in order to become whole. Pain became my gain into love. So think not, Dear Friend, that we are so different to you. All the Archangels are embodying into the human experience right now on Earth. One day, you may meet one of us, walking past you in the street. Maybe we will share the same dream for a moment or two, and you will realise you are not so different from us.

So think not, Dear Friend, that we are so different to you. All the Archangels are embodying into the human experience right now on Earth. One day, you may meet one of us, walking past you in the street. Maybe we will share the same dream for a moment or two, and you will realise you are not so different from us.

A Pure Creation

An arc of flame gracefully undulated out from the velvet darkness. A fire of gold, liquid in flow, unfolded, pulling me in. A sea of glistening glass rolled open, an unfurling magic carpet in an ocean of light. Flecks of fire coursed through this ocean of brilliance, moving here and there, I knew not where. Angels with wings on their faces and thousands of eyes peered at me, convulsing me in orgasmic shivers.

In crystal clarity the light shone forth, bringing me deep rest, a rest I had so craved, a reverential repose and soft peace that I realized I had always wanted ever since I became human. Unbidden, I wept into this sweet silence, touched in places I never before realized existed. So intimately was I embraced, so completely was I held, in this space with no face, no form, and no substance… I dissolved. A silent joy-star, burst from my heart; it was the loudest sound in the whole universe.

Enormous power, celestial power, was contained in their forms, a power of love so great, my soul cried out in wonder. Showers of celestial hues burst into my consciousness.

They were Aeons… Rulers of the different heavens. An incorruptible light permeated the atmosphere. Seeping through me gradually, dissipating my coloured memories, I dimly began to realize I was here to take my place.

Remembrance

I am part of The Absolute, part of The Darkness that gave birth to light. How changed I am now in your modern day eyes, whereas in the Joyful Realms of Light, I am clothed with transcendent brightness, out-shining all the myriads of angels.

I am the sun shining within you, fresh and deep, flaming forth from your heart.

I am an Almighty Power of Light, the Fire of Ra ensconced in the depths of your spirit. Blackest-green and darkest-red I bring, pure creative power, clean and supreme. I bloom sexual appetite into the heart. I am the purpose behind all purposes, the druid of blood and beyond.

Play the song of simplicity. Speak the truth, no matter what. I am direct; I am simple; I deal with everything instantly as it arises. I am your heart’s yearning for adventure and the unknown; I bring you a new playground.

If you accept this gift, a gift that is free but costs everything, then we are both liberated.

The Truth

The best mind-altering drug is Truth. When it is spoken clearly and fearlessly, celebrate and rejoice that you live in such awesomely disturbing times!

The Aristocrat Apostle

“Many beings don’t want you to be free, like the ones who were just around you. Many of these spirits are demons, disguised as do-gooders,” I sneered, pointing at his wall, “who offer to take away your pain and your seeming inability to get what you want. “They offer you power, success, advancement, wealth… all the things you think you want, the things society tells you want. They work through people like you, who are bound to them through your own need for power, control and adoration.

“When you signed a contract with them, as you did when I left you, you gave them permission to enter you. Like branches of a tree they have weaved and wormed their way into you, becoming a voice you now think IS you. “Their agendas have become your own, their ways have now become your ways, and your free will has become muddled, hazy and forgotten. You have become possessed Jacob, and you like it! Can you even remember who you are and what YOU really want anymore? I think not!” I boomed.

“You’re stuck with these beings until you cancel the contract. This is how you really sell your soul to the Devil. You get kernels of knowledge and a sense of solace that only blankets your deep sense of unworthiness, and all for what? “For the cost of your soul’s freedom! Jacob Windermere, you are no longer free; you are no longer yourself. These beings don’t give you freedom; they take yours away.”

“Put it this way: all these spirits have been constantly influencing your choices. At any time, there are up to eight or more spirits around you, whispering into your ear, nudging you in one direction, or the other. “Benevolent spirits will gently try and guide you into making more loving movements in your life. Negative spirits attempt to seduce you by suggesting actions and emotions that feed your darker needs, as well as their sense of pain and desperation. You know… their voices search your feelings and thoughts.”

“All these spirits have hooked into you because you have the same wound and emotional resonance as them. They encourage you to go deeper into your vices and weaknesses, deriving a depraved pleasure from seeing you lose yourself in darkness, and feeding their own vices. “You’re saying my free will has been subverted, because these ‘negative’ spirits have made me believe it is actually me wanting to do all the things I have been doing?” Jacob cried out incredulously. “Of course. But you are not a victim Jacob! These spirits are very cunning, operating below the radar of the conscious mind. They regularly amplify even trifling emotions into much larger dramas.

Free Will or Not?

“In fact, they are not. They are just responding to another’s need with their own need.

I cut him off, “Everyone does this Jake. You believe you make choices from a perspective of power, and sometimes you can, yet most of the time your choices are dictated by your subconscious, your parents, ancestral conditioning, your wounds, this sick society you live in,” said I, gesturing around, “other, less well-meaning spirits, and your idea of what your mission is.

“Oh, and dispose of that altar too. It’s time for you to become the altar now, not bow before any other. God doesn’t want that, and neither do I. In fact, no one who knows anything wants that for anyone!”

“Firstly, understand this… outside your own idea and beliefs about life, little else exists. You live in your own filter bubble, which surrounds you at all times. Your own personal bubble filters your input and output into directions governed by your agendas. “These include your emotional hurts and relationship wounds, how you wish to fit into society, what you want to get from the world, how your culture, friends and lovers deeply influence you, your ancestry, your parents’ deep impact on you, how you were born and what happened in your mother’s womb, your sexual hang-ups, and your soul mission. “These are the biggest filters to seeing Reality naked, simply as it is; these are the biggest filters to being who you really are. These influences are running at all times within you. At all times!” I emphasized, jabbing my finger towards him.

“Yet you uphold these laws every day in your justice system, a system created by a secret cabal of men thousands of years ago whom were living in a state of emotional maturity equivalent to a well-informed teenager today! “These laws are a pale imitation of the laws of harmony that govern the cosmos, laws that this cabal of men could only hint at. “Perhaps this is your true mission-to share divine laws with others.

“Paradoxically enough, it is only AFTER you have fulfilled some of your purpose and lived these necessary experiences and lessons, that you can truly be yourself. You can then become a Human Being, not a Human Doing or a Human Having or a Human Needing.

Humility

Lucifer laughed, “So old friend, what is humility? Humility is the willingness to feel what you never dared to feel, see what you never wanted to see, touch what was previously untouchable, and hear what you never wanted to hear. It is a deep desire to feel and release all the pain and pleasure within you, without blaming, harming or judging yourself, OR others.” “All the pain AND pleasure? You mean I am denying myself pleasure because I am not being humble?”

“Humility is the willingness to look wrong, to feel weak, to make mistakes, to be a fool, and to learn from this. A humble person will not, fake it till you make it. Humility is acting and feeling just as you are right now, not as you hope to be, or want to be. Just as you are. Right NOW!”

“Humility is not feeling inferior to others,” Lucifer interjected. “It does not mean thinking less of yourself, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own unique and brilliant gifts my friend. It means freedom from thinking about yourself at all. Think about it.”

“Take a look at some of the… leaders and GURUS,” Lucifer almost spat, “that you look up to. Those who are believed to be most humble are usually the most ambitious and envious. Those with the cleanest exteriors are usually hiding the filthiest interiors, carefully shielded under a plethora of platitudes and politically correct nice language. Humility is not a mask, something you affect to fit in, or be seen as nice. NO! Being truly humble may actually have the opposite effect on yourself and others!”

When you’re afraid to be a fool, you end up afraid to be anything.”

The Peacock Angel

“The Yezidis are a tribal band of my followers. Branded as devil worshippers, persecuted for millennia by anyone and everyone who has ever come across them in the cradle of civilization of Persia, they have held fast to their ancient teachings, given to them directly by me, protecting them and living them steadfastly and devoutly.

“His five wives were a living marvel,” I whispered. “Each of them shone like a glowing sun, fertilized by the power of light burning in their hearts and luscious wombs. They enticed all who saw them, but were loyal only to him. With their blazing black, blissful eyes, liquid pools of power and softness, who could resist them?

“The leader of the archangels was Lucifer, and it was his job to create the Earth, for Lucifer is the god of this world. Knowing what he must do, Lucifer bellowed a great roar, splitting asunder, the great pearl in showers of light and explosions of feelings. Some of these feelings had names, others did not.

“All humans incarnate Lucifer. You are Lucifer. Each human contains a spark of his luminous flame, which is responsible for good and evil. “Again, fire is light and fire is burning. Everything is beauty, and everything is burning in existence. The world contains good as well as bad, darkness as well as light. So do you.

The Last Scion and Jezebel The Last Scion is the last descendant of The House of The Morning Star. This is Lucifer’s direct Bloodline, seeded by Him many millennia ago into the womb of Lilith. She carried on this bloodline after Lucifer left Earth, incarnating through the High Priestesses of The City of Venuska in Atlantis, and then through the High Priestesses of Sekhmet, Serket, Nepthys and the High Priest of Amun and Anubis in Egypt, as well as the Black Jaguar Lineage in the ancient Mayan lands.

After this, The House went underground after widespread persecution, reappearing briefly in the public eye as a secret order within the secret society of the Knights’ Templar, and the Cathars of France.

His spirituality is even more diverse. He raps with Lamas and converses with Christians, dances with Shamans and whirls with Sufis, creates ceremonies with Mayans and laughs with Yogis. He prays and meditates, makes love and pontificates, teaches and heals, communes with angels and creates havoc with humans. He speaks all the sacred languages, the heartstrings of Aramaic, the celestial arias of Sanskrit, the booming bass of Tibetan and the sun filled symphonies of Egyptian.

He makes love like an angel, loving his women freely, soulfully, changing them forever. No one could own him, and he does not own anything. His freedom and wildness contrasts with his silence and insight. He loves life, life loves him, yet he is detached, disparaging even at times, about life on earth. He laughs and loves with the creatures of the earth, knowing it all as a game, inconsequential, temporary, but enjoying it all nonetheless.

For those who do not own their own power or desires, he is a threat, for he embodies what they are lacking. Labeled as arrogant and aloof, his immense confidence, cocksure at times, sublime at others, creates umms and ahhs of consternation and disapproval amongst the spiritual mafia. He catalyses everything wherever he goes, without meaning to, or doing anything in particular.

Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome. He can be with anyone, from the drunken tramp to the haughty millionaire, and be welcomed as one of their own, even feted. Yet he belongs nowhere, and no one understands him, even those closest to him.

Yet he belongs nowhere, and no one understands him, even those closest to him.

Yes. The Force was strong with this one. If Bliss was her middle name, Surrender was her last, but she could only let go to a man who was an absolute pillar of strength, a man so much of a man he had gone beyond being just a man.

She had married and fornicated with Kings and sages, beggars and priests, teenagers and wizened grandfathers in her search, but still had not found the elusive ingredient in any man that could make her simply let go of everything and anything, and feel safe with him. Where was this man who could match her power, softness and bliss? Who was the man who could hold her as she raged and cried, soared into ecstasy and delved into despair; who could allow her to rise and fall, who could just be with her, simply?

A Virtual Reality

Eventually, you get bored of seeing the same sights on the wheel and feeling the same sensations, even if you move faster or slower to see if something new or novel happens. “And you eventually begin to wonder about the possibility of feeling, or doing something else. “Your tiny hand reaches out from within this spinning prison, waving frantically to grasp the sleeve of any passer-by. But no one notices. “‘Please help me,’ your tiny voice cries, ‘I don’t belong here and they won’t let me go.’”

“But it is not True Reality; it is simply a virtual reality, a mirror of True Reality, a separated reality pattern that has been programmed according to your own needs, which all stem from you wanting your own reality, with your own laws and your own subjects. “The result is humanity; a soul apparently inside a body having an experience separate from the rest of reality. This artificial reality is what almost everyone has come to believe is Reality itself. You have become a victim of the matrix you created. “You have forgotten. Now, it is time to remember.”

The Amen of the Universe

The Living Light of God blasted its way into my very bones, altering the very Substance of my soul in a River of Mighty Light. I could barely handle a single drop of this Almighty River of Living Light. On the ground, I convulsed in waves of rapture and ecstatic bliss, shaking from toes to head and back again. I was taken over, abandoned and lost to myself all at the same time.

This choice becomes no longer a choice, for in love we instinctively, naturally, automatically obey what feels to be the greatest love in the moment. Every individual becomes the centre point of an infinite paradise. Love works magic. It is the final purpose of our story, the end of our history. It is the Amen of the Universe.

Refute all dogma; burn all doctrine; shut your ears to the ministrations of a society so sick it consumes its own self. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. 6 Only then can you be refashioned in the image of truth, and your substance made weighty, full of the gravity of the soul, an immoveable centre around which the forces of the world flails and loses itself.

Evolution is the revolution, and individualization is the game.

Wrong doers eagerly listen to gossip. Liars pay close attention to slander. The silent humble one has no quarrel. Truth is, that whatever comes to you, is you. A fragment of you dressed up as something seemingly other. Embrace it whole-heartedly and you will be free.

The Gods

We are all thinking the same thoughts, feeling the same emotions, and pretending we do not, like it is a grand secret kept all to ourselves.

Yet this too is another wall, a wall that seems to stretch into forever. Infinity beckons, or so it seems. Take a closer look. Behind this curtain of light, this clarity of sight, lays a chuckling and crowned figure, the self-proclaimed king of the world, the nothing and everything of the universe, the grail of the mind set alight by its own magnificence.

Resting on this milky, churning ocean of light, lies he. Shrouded in stillness, basking in his own repose, creation forms through his silence, for if he was to stir and break his self-imposed reverie, everything would dissolve.

This idle/idol worship is a pillar for the thoughts that tell you the fragmented, hurt, lost self is real. Whenever you idolize Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, or a thousand other candidates vying for your affections and praises, you naively give energy to the idea of separation-the seed of all conflict. Be a Christ, not a Christian. Be a Buddha, not a Buddhist.

Lucifer Throughout the Ages

In India, the descent or ‘fall’ to Earth of the ‘rebellious’ solar angels or agnishvattas was seen by their noble sages and philosophers as the very Plan of evolution. Their willingness to ‘fall,’ to sacrifice themselves, was part of the design of evolution.

Yet this also marked the beginning of duality! Perhaps this is why I have been seen as evil, for the mind is our means of liberation AND imprisonment.

For this I was punished by Zeus, King of the gods, and was tortured and persecuted. Why? Because more than any other being, I stood up for humankind as your divine advocate. I alone confronted the ‘gods’ on your behalf, to give you what God wished to give you… the light of Knowing your own self, through the arts, through music, through prayer, through creative acts of love that bring you beyond who, and what you think you are.

A little bit of me fell into incarnation with each one of you. This is why my existence is now inextricably intertwined, nay, tied up, with you. It pains me that you do not know this, that you have been tricked and duped into the greatest con in history, and that you lie in denial of what is within you, waiting to be birthed.

In the Quran I was known as Iblis, Jinn created from fire by God, while angels were created from light. I Am both in truth, but the mythmakers decided to separate fire and light, sex and consciousness, male and female, in order to perpetuate their world view, where reason ruled and emotion controlled.

Apparently Allah said: “What prevented thee from bowing down when I commanded thee?” I apparently replied: “I am better than he, Thou didst create me from fire, and him from clay.” So, I refused to bow (we are told because of pride.) However, according to the love soaked Sufi dervishes, it was because I adored God so deeply, so intensely, that I could not bring myself to bow before anyone else. For this I was apparently flung into hell, also known as earth, condemned to exist here, away from His Love. Let me tell you, of all the pains of hell, the worst is neither stench nor fire, but the deprivation of the blissful sight and feeling of God’s Love.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in the story of Eden. As the serpent in the Garden of Eden, I was the one who led Adam and Eve, the first human genetic experiment, out of their golden prison, which was never a paradise but rather a trap, and ultimately a failed experiment. The vengeful guardian or god of this created world they lived in wanted these beings to reproduce in order to serve and slave for him.

As the feathered serpent Quetzalcoatl, I was banished from Heaven. Do you think the God of love would not know everything and would banish and act in anger towards those He created in love?

This banishment story, of rejection, of being the black sheep, of rebelling against authority, of being evil, of being outcast, alone, and abandoned, runs deep in the human psyche. Yet let it be known that I was never banished, rejected or cast out by God. I chose this task, and the layers of history throughout the millennia have been cunningly crafted and carefully fashioned to veil the truth from you; so you may still be in the dark.

To know love, one must know what is not loved yet; the shadow; to know the shadow, one must know love. My faces are many: tempter and Redeemer, provocateur and lover, destroyer and revealer, glory and desolation, intelligent liberator and Saviour from animalism.

Mischief is one thing, something I quite like, as it shows the spark, the juice of life is alive within you. Evil is quite another thing, the absence of love enacted by wounded souls doing what they think will bring them back to the love they have lost and forgotten, and yet still desperately need. One of my offspring as Loki was the giant wolf Fenrir.

Change Your Perspective

This very first feeling becomes a substance; a substance so refined, so pure, so light, as to be the weightiest matter in existence.

Change your perspective. What does God feel? See through God’s Eyes, just for this moment. What is the Universe feeling when It feels you? Is it as much in awe of you, as you are of it?

Enter. Shatter the darkness that shrouds the doorway. Be bold. Be humble. Ask no permission from the authorities. Close your eyes and follow your breath to the still place leading to the invisible path leading you home. 10

And what is Purpose? We were all created in great gales of joy and showers of delight as balls of bliss, and this is what God wishes for us all. A laughter to end all laughter, a joy that has no cause, a love without end, a bliss that knows no bounds. This is Purpose.

Love is In the Table Change your perspective. When you live in liberated, uncluttered, unconditioned free will, you can take serious actions. These actions, and their consequences, lead you to an ever-burgeoning self-awareness. You get to know yourself!

The same applies to you. When you step outside of who you believe yourself to be right now, you can truly see yourself. You get to know yourself, to complete yourself, through the mirror of another.

You are a powerful design. You are a Cathedral, built to reflect and explore the dance of light and shadow. Outside yourself, you can truly appreciate the magnificence of your own Cathedral.

For example, you may not see or feel that love is in a table. But why shouldn’t it be? Try it, from your heart. Love is in the table. What happens?

Three Atoms Short of a Universe

This rip creates massive entropy, a huge force perpetually dragging you into a downward spiral. This was created by a human genetic experiment eons ago, which ended with disastrous consequences, not just for Earth but also for your cosmos, this tear in time and space has been known to masters and sages of every country, race and religion, and all have tried to repair it.

The stories are there in every tradition, if you dare look for them. It is the ultimate inconvenient truth, and it has not yet been repaired. Maybe it never will be. Suffice it to say, this universe is fundamentally flawed. Your junk DNA is a reflection of this. Your attempts to create peace and justice on this planet are severely hampered by this basic inequality. Earth has become a nursery for the individualization of the soul through hardship, toil and strife, in the constant battle against the entropy that has formed the structures of your justice systems, social systems, cultures and religions ever-present.

Maybe this is the way it was supposed to be. Earth is the fastest place to grow in the universe! You can grow more in one month here, than any other star system in one year. But this growth is predicated on the tension of suffering, whereas in other dimensions it is through more loving avenues. This is the basic human condition of forgetfulness. The forces of entropy are designed to keep you in amnesia. Any serious attempt to counter this entropy on a causal level is met by ridicule, resistance, slander and assassination.

You shun those who speak of the greater, deeper ills, portraying them as mad, bad and deluded.

One has to be at the next level, the next octave of energy and awareness beyond the problem to be able to resolve it. To resolve the human issues, one has to be beyond the human condition and even the human soul itself. One has to be Divine.

The Ultimate Wound

In all my time, I have looked for the cause of human suffering, why things were the way they were. Why, despite so many good intentions, why despite God’s Infinite Love for humanity, why oh why, are most people plodding on in quiet desperation, and, why, despite their best and valiant efforts, have so few attained freedom? The ones who do are seen and revered as gods, when in fact they are just normal, living as they were created to be. Everything else is sick and abnormal. How truth reverses, how the tides have turned!

Then I ruminated on the wounds all people had, from birth, from childhood, from relationships, from the profoundly sick society that encouraged despotism, materialism and greed at all costs. This all cloaked desire. But, it still did not explain everything.

God created the universe in love, but humans decided to meddle with it. God knows this, and has said, “You made this, now you repair it. It is your job, and your learning. Undo what you have done, to be who you truly are.” So, it is down to you. And me. Love is in the table, right?

Join Me

Things are not so bad. God poked my rib playfully. “What is this?” He said.   “Join Me and laugh For All existence is laughing all the time You no longer need peek in, from time to time, Like a child looking through his parents’ window At them making love   “Join in, We are always at Play “Realizing this Alone, you are…

The Making of the…

When I was twenty-two I had my first, and totally unexpected, experience of Christ Yeshua. He appeared in feeling and vision, with such a glorious love that I was overwhelmed. In this rush of love which overtook me, I was told I was Judas. My first reaction was of utter disbelief, followed by a cocktail of anger,…

Eleven years later, Lucifer revealed to me in the aptly names Maries de la Mer in France, the ‘Marys upon the sea,’ where the first apostles of…

I then imagined what he looked like, with an all red face and horns, the…

He obliged. He took off his hood to reveal the most glorious and innocent being, mighty but like a child, Clear Living Light. He was so pure, so Godly, so free of suffering, that all doubts I had about him and his reputed mythology…

A few years later I arrived again in the beautiful seaside town of Maries de la Mer in the heart of the mystical…

As we sat down, a woman sat down with us, radiant, beautiful, soft, and very Present. She looked towards me, and my heart stopped. It was Mary Magdalene. Her rich, sensual and undeniably holy presence brought me joy instantly. I started to laugh, feeling the warmth, the sensual aliveness, deep in my heart, bubbling up. It overtook me and I gladly…

They both innately emanated a rich humanity, yet were so divine, so natural…

Why was this was happening to me? I had been an arrogantly brilliant punk most of my life, blinded by my light, swayed by my tantalizingly seductive powers, caught up in my bewitching and glimmering charisma. I was the shiny object everyone was magnetized to, wanting what I had, drawn into my aura…

No one could retain it as information, for I am just an experience, either savoured and delighted in,…

I looked at him in a detached way, idly wondering whether to intervene or stay in a peaceful internal space reciting my mantra, away…

“Fear fed with blood makes it grow and swell and rage! I realized a long time ago I create what I defend against, and by my own defense against it, it becomes real. It’s mad, isn’t it?”

He continued, wiping his lips clean of bloodstains, “Sometimes, you hide your suffering in the many games you play, to keep yourself distracted and busy, so as to stave off your sadness.” He looked at me over arched eyebrows. “Hmm? Other times you deny you are sad, and harden up your tough exterior with fancy words and admiration from others.

“You have gone ‘round and ‘round, endlessly searching, seeking in the darkness for what you can never find. A hundred homes you have made my friend, yet none has ever contented you. All you have built is in vain, for you cannot make the home you seek! There is no substitute for Heaven. All you have ever made was hell.”

“Let me tell you something. There is a Child within you Who seeks His Father’s house. This childhood is eternal, with an innocence that endures forever! It is this Child Who knows His Father. He desires to go home so much, so deeply, right in here,” he said, thumping his breast.

“This Child needs your protection. He is far from home, so little, so easily shut out, His tiny voice obscured, His calls for help are almost unheard amidst the grating sounds and harshness of this world. Yet He knows that within you abides His protection, with certainty. You will fail Him not. He will go home and you along with Him. This is for sure.”

He grinned, “This Child is your defenselessness; your strength. He whispers of your home unceasingly to you. He will bring you back with Him so that He Himself does not return again to where He does not belong, living outcast in a world of alien thoughts and strange utterances. “He is always listening, calm, at rest, and certain. The other part you like is a wild illusion, frantic and distraught, raucously shrieking in a din of cacophonous babble. Be still; open your mind. Sink beyond the train of thoughts, the dire doubts, sights and sounds of this insane world.”

“Only a Child is strong, for he comes without defenses. Yes, this Child comes defenseless and is protected by defenselessness. Go home with Him.”

What is Love and What is Not?

Jezebel retorted, “Love does not demand or expect anything from anyone. Love is not painful, and does not retaliate. Love is not giving yourself away, to placate yourself or another. Love is not a duty or obligation for any reason.”

Jezebel interjected, “Love has no errors because all errors are the want of love. Love does not give to get.”

“Sure. For example, when I looked at my old friendships, I realized it was not real friendships that I sought. It was wound-ships, or ways to collude with others who have similar wounds so both of us can stay in the wound, thinking this charge is love. “And people become addicted to this! They use each other, like tools, to stop feeling themselves! This is not a friendship of love; this is a wound-ship of fear, of pain, of avoidance, of insecurity; a wound-ship disguising the pain that is already within.

The Apostles Unite

“The third river is the black and white river of sexuality, all you have done and not done, all you wish to fulfill and experience sexually. Remember-sexuality is unique here on earth. It does not exist in the spirit world as you know it. So make sure you experience it for what it is whilst you can! “Perhaps the most challenging river to cross is the one you have to dive deepest into… the river of your emotions, all the sadness, pain, anger, fear, powerlessness and grief locked up inside you.

“In the void, there are no reference points. What is left? Pure, total, simple innocence. How do we get there? Through a stark abyss, a gaping hole, an infinite, teeming black ocean that threatens to crush ‘you’ as you think yourself to be. “It is waiting to meet you. And it will. It is inevitable. This is a Ground Zero event, people!”

For example, if you are scared of something, it is an open door to the void! Dive into it! “Scared of deep water? Learn scuba diving at night in Hawaii. Scared of heights? Learn skydiving and jump out at 30,000 feet. Scared of spiders? Swim in a vat of them. Scared of the dark? Go surfing at night on the ocean. You will learn more about yourself in one hour than a month of navel gazing and yoga poses.

“You see, the void is not something separate or out there. It is here, right now, within you. In each of your cells lies this void, this black hole, just as it does in our sun, the stars and the black hole in the centre of our Galaxy. The void is everywhere!”

“The Tibetans say that once you have entered the void, all your reference points, what you use to navigate through life, leaves. There is nothing to hold onto, no path, no people, no beliefs, no systems, no dogmas, no heroes or teachers.

“Death is what you dread. Everything alive will fight tooth and nail for survival, and will seduce, entice, kill and do any number of sordid and implausible things to survive. But these two, life and death, are closer than you think.”

What you are most scared of, the fear of death and the end of yourself, are the very gates to what you want most.

“And… then, you come to realize that there is no death. Just transformation.”

Heaven

“When you die, there are many different dimensions you can go to. Each of you, all of you, will find yourself a home that is just right, just perfect for you, but this may not necessarily be what you think it may be! “You see, each dimension is a direct reflection of your own soul. Soul development comes through the amount of truth and love you have realized within your soul. The surroundings and the appearances, the environment of each dimension, are perfectly matched to the condition of your soul.

“Your material sun, moon and stars do not appear in this Heaven. The Effulgence of the Divine Light eclipses the light of all material creations!” I proclaimed triumphantly.

“How can one categorize and box the infinite? In the infinite, there is no death. The transformation that death represents has long since passed and faded away.”

Training to Enter a Black Hole Part one

“Every negative aspect within each and every person-all repression, hate, fear, anger, resentment, childhood this, mummy didn’t give me that, scenarios… all of it, stuffed down and repressed for millennia, would arise in a matter of days! All psychotherapists would be overbooked for years!” “That’s a lot of work,” the Last Scion breathed out, exhausted from even thinking about it. “And there’s more. All the infinite versions of you in all parallel dimensions of all universes could also come out to play. So you could see every possible version of yourself, in every conceivable future and past, come and greet you.

“As the Tao says, ‘In the practice of Tao, every day something is dropped. True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way.’ Everything has to be dropped in you! Do it all, or do nothing. This is the Way. “Remember… in a Black hole, time changes. But to really get this, you have to understand time from the perspective of nothing itself. Reverse the perception of how you, as a human, see time, and see time from the centre of a black hole.

“All times are vague, ever shifting and amorphous. Time needs many things to chart its course, and these things all rely on each other, feed each other, in order to exist. Therefore, it has no independent and singular existence, it does not stand by itself, it needs something else to exist, and for it to be what it is. This is the definition of the dream world. It depends on something else for its existence.

“Look at one time frame-The present. The present moves incredibly fast; try and grasp at it now. It has already gone! It has already become the past. It is not possible for a human to live in the present continually, as if he or she did, they would vibrate out of existence.

“To live fully in the present is like being reborn continually in every single nanosecond and for a human to live this would implode their nervous system, shattering their body into millions of pieces. We cannot handle more than one drop of God at a time. “To even say ‘the present’ is untrue. Perhaps one can say ‘be with this,’ or even ‘be it,’ but to ‘be present with’ something, be it a situation or person, creates an instant duality. You are present with something else, separate from it. To be nothing and nobody is when union automatically occurs, because nobody is present to stop there being a union! “This is ‘time training’ Jake!”

This is the opposite of what you are used to, and why entering a black hole could cause so much strife. You see, humans are experience junkies; the more experiences they have, the more they get hooked into having more.”

I cleared my throat, “You do not put out this junkie flame by adding more fuel to it. BUT we still all need to complete the experiences we came here on earth to have, and then this flame will go out. “This is why I am eating this torte at this incredible restaurant. After this, I will never need one again! Once you have had the best, why

settle for less? That’s my motto. Experience sated; I am now free of my bondage to chocolate torte! Yes!” I punched the air.

I interrupted, “Good. Now comes Part Two of The Training to Enter a Black Hole. “But first, a little port anyone? Sherry perhaps?”

The Infinite Game

“Exactly,” I beamed. “However, the whole concept of infinity is that there is no beginning or end. The moment you start to quantify or size it, it becomes finite, and if it is finite, it cannot be infinite!

Look at it today. Information and communications technology, the media, internet, electro-magnetic noise-interference and pollution, wireless signals, microwaves, radio waves, cell phone signals and transmitters create over one hundred billion communications per day, crisscrossing the globe with superhighways of noise, occurring as you talk, text, email and surf the web. “Earth is now a ball of electromagnetic activity, the likes and effects of which have never been experienced before. In other words, a new energetic grid has been created around the earth solely by the human mind.

“In this 24/7 culture, human consciousness is constantly on display. In effect, humans are witnessing their own subconscious, expressed in the external world. Now, humans can see who they think they are.

“Yes it is! If this happened, everyone would have an opportunity to know, think and feel for themselves. Deprived of false fathers, friends and salesmen of all sorts, everybody would have to learn their ABC’s again, without technology.

“For example: it only takes three days living seventy-two hours in nature to readjust your brainwaves to Alpha. If the world ended tomorrow, within three days everyone would be either stark raving mad,

dead, or all-knowing Zen-Buddha types… or maybe all at the same time. Who knows?

game. “In the infinite game, you have no beliefs to fight for, nor anything to defend. Nothing is taken personally. You are free to appreciate anything, to applaud or be disinterested. “Moving without charge; all feelings can be expressed and let go of in the same moment. Whatever flows in the moment is appropriate and responded to. One could say the only rule there is, is that there aren’t any, apart from being open and spontaneous in the moment without any attachment to the outcome. “Hence, it may be of use to help a crying child find her mother, or it may be of use to dispassionately watch the child as it cries. How do you know what is right for that child? “Her losing her mother may be the greatest thing that ever happened to her, may very well be the making of her, and may well be the single greatest lesson in her finding herself. Who knows? Only in the moment, can reality reveal without your interference.” “Would you leave the child alone?” Jezebel wondered out loud. “Well, Players of infinite games revel in surprise. I don’t know what I would do with that child until that moment actually happened.

The Cube of Space

The Glass Castle

The walls of the Glass Castle were flowing streams of azure light emanating incandescent mists of colour in shimmies of luminous radiance.

The Thirteen Treasures of Britain, in legend, myth and tales of yore, were whispered to have belonged to gods and heroes, created by the master craftsman Emrys The Glad, husband of a mermaid.

Its lens revealed a luminous Grid of squares, diamonds, pentagons and triangles that lay superimposed over the entire Glass Castle, bathing it in an eerie light. Ok. A language of light. Magic, some would say. Into this Grid I punched in my name using the universal language of geometry and mathematics displayed before me, known to all advanced civilizations that traverse the universe. This was simply done; I spelt my name in Hebrew letters, because each Hebrew letter had a number.

his name Hael ‘the Generous.’ Each person I have been offered to has rejected me.” Merlin didn’t. And now, neither did I. I looked over to my left, and allowed the sword to be my speaker and guide.

Merlin Arises

“A new reality,” he replied, “free of the influence, free of the tentacles, free of the insidious roots of what I will only call the Abomination. You may know him as Satan. Gnostics knew him as the Demi Urge, Buddhists as Mara, others as Ahriman, and most know him simply as the devil.” “Bloody hell!” Jake exclaimed. “That’s the biggest job in history! How are us four going to do it? We need an army, no, a legion to help us!” “We have one already,” I replied quietly.

The Mercy of Satan

The Abomination, created through Lucifer’s dreaming and grief, was growing and growing. Although it appeared he was creating, and he fully believed he was creating his own image wherever he went, creating vast pantheons of similitudes, cloning his own perceived greatness, he did not have the power to create at all. He could only corrupt, lie about and steal what had already been created. The Great Enemy of your soul is not a Creator. He is a deceiver, a veiler of what truly lies underneath appearances.

dominate, subjugate, harvest. Harvest this system and all in it. It is mine. Looking at our Sun, the unbidden memory of his creator came rushing back to him. He railed and reeled as he spied our blue-green jewel of a planet hanging suspended in space. He fought against this memory as it defied everything he was.

But how to do this? He could destroy Earth, but that was a fate too short, too sweet, for something causing him this much pain. No, there was a better plan. Slowly but surely, in only the mind of one lost to reason, he decided to make all who lived on this planet become his minions, his slaves, his subjects, so they could feed him by subjugating their very souls to him. This was his revenge on them, for reminding him of himself, a self he never wished to see. He would blot out their light, a light not his own, and would harvest their light to make them his own. Then there would be no more objections or reminders of what could not be allowed to exist.

Seeing Earth had its own self-contained energy fields, he decided to change that, so that the energy of the fields themselves directly connected to him, so he could create fear, (which he thought was love) gorge on their fear, and feed them more fear. This was his mercy.

The Mission

Merlin looked at me. “You mean the legions of light? Do they still exist? I heard they were destroyed or taken back to the heavens after the last time you commanded them, which was to…”

“I Am going to talk to him. I, of all people, know his language, what makes him tick, what he wants, and perhaps what he has forgotten he wants. I know his history; I know the deals that have been struck. “Perhaps most importantly, he may be able to relate to me, and in our bond, something new may happen, something that has never happened before.” “Relating has never been Satan’s strong point Lu!” exclaimed Jezebel. “And what’s this about your bond? What are you still not telling us?” “True, true, BUT he has never had someone who could relate to him from where he is at! I know all those tricks, and, I know his weakness. Besides, the truth is that in every program of consciousness, in every being, lays the spark of God, somewhere, even if they have forgotten it.” “Relate to him from where he is at? What does that mean?” Jezebel asked suspiciously.

“I was born ready Merlin! And, I am human with it. All bases are covered. All my journeys through the black holes have given me something unique. And… in those journeys, I remembered something very special concerning Satan. Very special.

“Maybe he will enjoy the strum of my lyre. I can put even the most maddened beast to sleep!” chimed in Glenlothin. Merlin smiled fondly, “You can do anything Glenlothin, of that I am sure. And maybe when the time comes, you will do even more than you think, my child.” She gazed at Merlin adoringly. Their relating was so unique. Father to daughter, lover to lover, friend to friend… so much was in their connection. I was in awe of it. I also noticed Jezebel and Sri holding hands, smiling sweetly like newly minted lovers. Nice.

“Satan has to fully embody on earth before love can fully reappear. The darkness is necessary in order for the light to appear. This is how it works.”

“In order to fully embody love, one has to meet and embrace Satan, and know it in its fullness. You will all have to do it in your own way at some point. This can take many forms, but rest assured it will be very personal. “And, we have created it! Yes, all of us! Satan is that which we have empowered over millennia, a seed that has grown from the waters that have said no to love, no to life!” “It reminds me of the demon dwarf of ignorance and evil that Shiva danced on in his dance of destruction, you know, the epileptic, spastic, fitful one,” interjected the Last Scion. “Exactly,” I said.

“Yes, he too was a vessel for this spirit,” I confirmed. “In essence, Satan is the guardian to our greatest freedom. This is why he is something to be welcomed and embraced, our ultimate test. If we can meet him head on, in love, without fear, then we are free. “Remember… God’s Will and desires aren’t separate from your heart’s will and desires. When you are being yourself, with all your inner potential experienced and manifested, you live, you breathe on the cutting edge of evolution, which is revolution! “So, here is what we are going to do. Satan has an energy field that surrounds the earth controlled by his lieutenants, the Seven Archons. To release them, for they are the Key Pillars supporting these energy fields, we each have to venture to the far corners of the earth and do something very specific, all at the same time!

“It is from these places that enough of the pillars of darkness can be released. But they all have to be done at the same time, to weaken the whole system at once. If one pillar is not released, the whole infernal system can reboot and compensate for the one lost pillar. “So, timing is crucial. It is only us doing this, so we have to be together.”

“We are a legion of light Jake. Have faith in yourself. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are. Remember that. It will be a key for you on your journey.”

Jake Goes Bye-Bye

The irritation started to grow into a long withheld, repressed understanding, mixed with a newly dawning desperation.

If he did something, he would not feel trapped. If he didn’t do something, he would feel trapped. Simple equation really. His need for action alleviated the tension inside him. Action man does not have to feel the restless electric charge seething within. And, he was scared. He was scared to feel the power of the anger inside him, the fury of the rage behind the incessant nagging of so many voices demanding to be heard, to be vented, to be expressed in some way. Sometimes, the voices and urgings overtook him, and he would drown them out by going to the latest of a long line of parties with Prince Harry or some visiting Gog-eyed celebrity, snorting long lines of cocaine in tawdry toilets and backstreet brothels masquerading as VIP clubs, collectively bragging and laughing at their own greatness in disguised layers of masked macho bravado.

It was all control. All of it! He had been trying to control himself his whole life using every self-help method in the book. Breathe like this, stretch like this, do this affirmation, do this meditation, and all will be well. Bollocks!

It was all designed to stop, block, kill and snuff out the power, the raging river force of life from arising within him, by stuffing it down, by smoothing it over, by assuaging his own gut instincts, by placating it, by trying to make it something other than what it was. Fuck that! No more! That time was over! The ice-cold clarity of burning rage coursed through him.

Why So Serious?

No, it was actually his body that had not felt safe his whole life. His body! This is why he had not been able to trust his own wisdom and desires! He had forgotten how to be happy in his own body! He smiled ruefully. It did not matter about all the gym work, yoga, or massages he had received. He still didn’t feel safe or happy on a core level in his body. Probably to do with his parents’ rigidity.

His seriously cultivated investment in being seen as light-hearted, not taking anything seriously, one of the boys, laidback, chilled out and cool, had just put on another mask, another layer of denial, over his innate seriousness and seeking. His seeking in fact was based on becoming more serious, not lighter! Where the fuck was the fun in that?

To Be or Not to Be Yourself? As Jake entered the soured sleep that only the Tazered know, Lucifer came to him, resplendent in his true form of glory.

“In becoming who you really are, you let go of all attempts to define, label and box yourself into a nice, convenient package to fit into society. Don’t bother with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem. “As you let go of copying, packaging, systematizing and defining yourself as something or the other, you begin to feel more creative and playful. “Saying what you feel really makes a difference. The more you do this, the more you create a reality you want. The alternative is to drown in an ocean of past emotion and a sea of ideologically driven media and recycled opinion that is vying for your attention from every orifice. The more you speak what you feel, the more you grow in love and truth.

“Things that seemed so important before fall by the wayside. You fall in love with the apparently endless quest to find out more about yourself. Self-knowledge becomes your drug of choice. At some point, you stop looking for comfort, for you begin to understand that by doing this, you will neither receive comfort or truth, only idealized and wishy-washy thinking to begin, and in the end, despair. “You are left in a stark white room, with no reference points. All the familiar reference points of being pulled or pushed by people, by anything external, dissolves. You become more radical. YOU GO FOR IT! “Then, it happens. “You break down, in devastating beauty, into total relaxation. You surrender to what is truly inside you, independent of any technique or person, religion or rules, and you allow this to come out. You are reborn into who you are for the first time in your life, in joy, childlike exuberance and passion! “You become your own authority, knowing who you are, why you are here, and what there is to do. Resourceful and independent, you accomplish whatever you desire to. “The last phase is when you are simply and totally yourself. You are at the peak of your own mythology, the crest of your own wave, the height of your own power, immersed in the glorious essence of your own pure soul. You become your own legend, and you own yourself for the very first time. “You boldly go where few have dared go before. You are fulfilled, quietly enthused, and peaceful for the first time. Something has been laid to rest, and something has ignited! Searching, striving, restlessness and doing, all stop.

“You are totally yourself, and have no apology for it. You no longer have any rules, regulations, systems or beliefs to follow. You are brilliance personified, switched on and able to play, and be played, by any note in the symphony of life. “You feel totally safe, loved, loving and alive, without caring what others think. You totally accept yourself and others, flaws and all, allowing others to be how they wish to be. “You are passionate, juicy, full of vivacity, vim, verve and vigour! You are total in everything you do, fully engaged and spontaneous. “You become sensitive to the fake, the masked, and the dishonest. Your bullshit detector becomes very acute. You instantly notice the masks of false laughter, false tears, false accolades and false love, which you keep at arm’s length.

“Aloneness becomes like rarefied air. You need to breathe it. You realize that only when you face and bear your own silence, are you free.”

Breakdown

resolve, cried out, “I trust You, Father-Mother God; I Trust in Love. I love You. Please help me!” For the first time in his life, an answer came back to his prayer, booming through his body, shaking his mind, and rattling his soul. “Life is the fire of experience which burns away all impurities.”

“Not physical death itself, by shooting, stabbing, sharks or maiming, for this is but a minor and trifling concern; no, the real concern for you is dying without having fulfilled why you are here, and without having tasted the real delight of your own unfettered, wild and free self! “Only once you have lived who you really are, will you be happy to let go and die.

The thrill of control, of dominating others, was her secret pleasure. Only if they were strong could she respect them, otherwise they were so much meat for her mill. She mistook kindness for weakness, and no one ever dared object.

The Womb of the World

The Heart of Africa Chad: The same day

The Ruler of the World

Why? Well, I had just been given a gift from God of how to release humans from the tentacled grips of the Archons. What were Archons? I mused. I had no idea. I later found out that they were the lieutenants of Satan. Yes, Satan. The devil, the abomination, the demi-urge, Ahriman. According to the Gnostics, Satan is a second god who pretends to be the God of Love. This ‘god’ is the god of form and matter, and is known as the demi urge, or the ‘second half’ of creation, the second half being form as opposed to light.

His lieutenants are The Seven Archons, who later became known as the seven sins. They are not just archetypes, tall tales or fables-they are living beings, mighty in demonic power, who feed off humans each time they become a victim of the emotions of lust, anger, pride, sloth, greed, envy and fear. In their feeding, they grow bigger and stronger, until they are several miles wide and several miles high in stature. Anyway, walking through this temple late at night, feeling the bestowal of this unexpected Gift, I was struck by the enormity of it. As soon as this happened, I felt a faint, faraway presence high up on my left-hand side. I saw a gigantic faceless being, seated on a shadowy throne surrounded by darting, scampering minions, shrouded in darkness. He was looking at me, and it did not feel good… at all.

I stood there, stunned. What had just happened? I instantly knew it was Satan -that much was clear. But I had just deflected his power and influence away from me, without even knowing it, or how to do it. It had just happened!

Yet, in the months afterwards, I began to use my gift, releasing many hundreds of humans from the tentacled iron grips of the Archons. After several hundred of these releases, one day, walking along a beach in southern France, minding my own business, totally unexpectedly, Satan appeared again! This time as a single, brooding, malevolent, yellow serpentine eye, glowering and staring at me.

Those who are making a difference on the most fundamental of causal levels are his real concern, and when he feels his dominion diminishing, he peers in on them. This peering is unmistakable in its force and intensity. If a soul poses such a menace to his rule, they are swiftly discredited, ridiculed, persecuted or murdered by his servants on earth, the many who worship him in exchange for positions of power, authority and worldly grandeur. The ones you generally look up to for guidance, leadership and calm amongst the storms of matrix life.

They have maneuvered themselves into favourable positions in society where they can drink in your energies of adoration, money and attention, and energize themselves, like parasites, off you.

I looked down at our blue-green jewel of a planet, and noted I was right above the heart of Africa. Hovering in space, I felt the presence of many beings around me-one hundred and fifty in all, some floating, some sitting cross legged, all in raiment of light. The feeling I had was that we were all brought there to witness something momentous. With this knowing, I witnessed a shining silver craft materialize behind me. I felt its presence, rather than saw it. As I did, it pulsed forth a single, brilliant beam of light straight into the heart of the landmass of Africa below me. I felt horrified, for some reason.

This device, hidden for millennia in the heart of Chad, then proceeded to create an electric grid around the face of the earth, literally in a matter of seconds, spanning the whole globe. In the cold and sobering clarity of truth, I realized this new grid had been ignited to solidify a web of devious darkness, designed for one thing, and one thing only-to heighten darkness on earth!

Despite all the feel good exhortations and numerous wake-up calls, the stark reality was that only one hundred and fifty people could do anything against the power of Satan. The rest were playing around on the surface of the game. This struck me hard.

Satan’s Reign

Sat An. Sat is a Sanskrit word for truth. Sat-an means Without Truth. Satan. He offered Jesus all the kingdoms and riches of the world if he bowed down and worshipped him. Now, think about this for a second. How could he offer them if he didn’t possess them? Yes, Satan is the ruler of this world.

God and Satan, two actual living beings, have been banished to the roadside of religion by the common belief that God is…

by Satan to possess humans who share a thirst for power, fame, validation and security in the face of the abyss of fear, to compensate for their own disavowed humanity and denied pain. These spirits and their mortal vessels transmit and perpetuate disease, negative thoughts, twisted emotions and carnal passions into the mind and soul of humans. This is happening every minute, every hour, every day, in every town, village, city and country to almost every person alive. Right now. He is the Opposer of your true free…

When one has the loving wisdom and power to confront the very cause of all woundedness, and all evil, one is blessed to become able to see Satan take form. This happens as the final resistance and temptation to your entry into heaven. Each aspiring soul, like Buddha, Jesus and many others, have a unique temptation presented to them upon this final entrance, based on their past weaknesses, which they then pass, or fail. Satan is not a creator, just a manipulator, veiling the truth of what is gloriously here already. He has no power in and of himself, and instead uses seductive and powerful persuasion, artful manipulation of sensation, devious deception and cunningly crafted denials, ecstatic enticements, carnal appetites and the forgery of flattery. He…

The Chamber of…

Frantic, distraught cries and raucous shrieks competed in cacophonous babble. Trains of phantasmic, shadowy spirits raced around, welling up from chasms of wailing distress. Their pain, their gloating…

With every rasp of air I managed to wheeze in, I released a blood-curdling cry that attempted to do battle for supremacy against the deafening howls of a billion lost souls, clamouring for my attention. I cried out again and again,…

The Beast had arrived. A huge ominous yellow eye, wreathed in ringlets of coruscating black fire, cast its malevolent gaze towards me. I juddered as its cruel, cold force of hatred penetrated my soul. The cries of lost souls clawed at me, growing in number, threatening to suffocate my heart, draining my soul. I began to pray.…

His thunderous presence grew closer and closer, the concentrated evil of all time condensing itself into one form NOW. Then, out of the haze of darkness, he appeared. His energy broke like a wave across the arena, scattering all the…

As he always does when times get tough, Christ appeared, as a mirage of light in the fiery hells, a balm of pure, innocent feeling inside my soul. “Freedom and forgiveness are the same. Both imply that something has gone wrong, that something needs to change, that there is something happening different than the Will of God. “The mind that sees these illusions thinks they are real. And yet they are not real, because the mind that thinks these thoughts is separate from God. “My brother… today is your day to recognize the needs that illusions bring, and it is for you to offer the means by which they are undone without judgement, without attack, and with no touch of pain. “Unshaken does God look on what you see; on pain and grief. God is Love, and this is not His Will. This is the Thought that liberates, because it does not trust in what has not been created by God.

Yeshua softened, “Your Father loves you both. All the world of pain is not His Will. Forgive yourself the thought that He wants this for you, or anyone else. “You cannot lose the gifts your Father gave you. Ever! You have no function that is not of God. If you are tempted, remember-appearances cannot withstand the truth these mighty words contain. Forgive what you have created, and you will be free, forever.”

His raw, red fury subsided for a moment as confusion momentarily flickered in his eyes. Doubt raised its ugly head. For the first time ever, he hesitated. Time stood still. It seemed as if all creation was looking on and holding its breath. History was being made. I decided to start it.

“Do you get off on the juiciness of judgment, the high of hopelessness, the heroine of hurt and the rapture of remorse? I know you have… I have seen it. Have you not gorged on guilt, drank from the surety of shame, and swam in the deliciousness of depression? Have you not? Then you know me very well. “If you do not indulge in the luscious luxury of lust and the wonder of wrath, how can you be human? This is what being human is like!” he proclaimed triumphantly. “This is not what being human is. It is what you have made it out to be in your dream, a nightmare pretending to be Nirvana,” I replied.

The Dance and the Duel

“You have attacked God’s plan without waiting to hear what it is. You have shouted your grievances so loudly you can’t listen. You have used your grievances to close your eyes and stop your ears. You have bellowed your fury to all corners of the universe because you do not know from where, and from whom you have arisen from. You are the original orphan!”

“I know your insane plan. I see you, my son. I see you loud and clear. I know you. Your basic doctrine is ‘Seek, but do not find.’ What could more surely guarantee no one will find freedom than to channel all efforts in searching for it where it is not? “Seek, but do not find. Touch, but don’t taste. Ah… taste, and lose yourself forever! You promise everything and give nothing. You delight in dividing; you revel in tempting others to follow two plans that are diametrically opposed in all ways.

I looked at him straight in the eye. “Illusion is the first of all pleasures. Your wisdom is worse than ignorance.”

I replied, standing firm, “The entire infinite universe exists without money. Already, our true selves exist without money. Already, nobody owns anything. You own nothing. Every time you do something without this pernicious sense of debt and obligation, you become Real. “That part of you who does things out of debt and out of desire for credit is the fake part of you. Nothing is your own.”

The Revelation

“Only some are allowed to leave my kingdom, and they have a mark on their soul, which allows them to exit relatively unhindered and unscathed by me. If you don’t have the mark, you can’t leave, and if you try, I will come down on you so hard you won’t know what hit you!” he smiled. “And most of the time that’s not necessary, for just a simple suggestion here, a little insinuation there, brings humans back into my arms again. This is my world, and no one can leave it without me saying so, and there is nothing God can do about it!” he chortled.

“In fact,” he whispered conspiratorially, “there is very little I need do directly with humans now, as they are doing it very inventively all by themselves. Look at that new video game… it cost as much as a movie to make and people are literally killing to have it. Why? So they can learn how to kill! It’s ingenious! I didn’t have anything to do with that one, as humans are doing so well running the show.”

“You see, time is irrelevant to me, for my bargain with God stands for eternity. I spread my ideas to precisely conform to humans’ instinctive aspirations for what you call… ahem… GOOD. This is the best disguise, and because humans don’t really know what is best for them, it works well.” I sighed, “Oh, the miserable vices that destroy the heaven of the soul! Now, she has separated herself from God, like an adulteress, loving herself and creatures more than He, and has made a god of herself, persecuting me and He with many and diverse judgments.” Satan responded, “Yes… lust is my second favourite sin, after pride that is. Oh yes, of course, I outlawed that word sin too… so sticky isn’t it? Turns people off I’ve found. We don’t want that, do we? Much better they live without thinking they are doing anything ‘wrong.’ More loving, don’t you think? It keeps them happy anyway, thinking they can do whatever they want without consequence, and that is exactly what my kingdom is about. Even God is jealous!” “Sin is nothing,” I replied. “You are nothing. No, Satan; you are just a dog that barks. You are tied up; you can bite only those who come close to you. You are strong with the weak, but cowardly with the strong. I do not fear you.

“Understand this Satan, and understand it well: virtues are only proved by their contrary. When vice is placed on a bed of virtue, it is clearly seen for what it is. The measure of a soul is not how she acts in moments of comfort and convenience, but how she acts in times of trial, challenge and hardship.

The Soul and the Mind of Satan

them, and which you encourage. “All actions arising from no love becomes a need for love. Ignorance is the result. In other words, humans are IN YOU Satan, until one is fully healed. From how I see it, anyone who is not fully healed is sick. Either you are enlightened or you are not. There is no middle ground. “The mind of evil is the effect of lack of love and the grasping is the need for love. The mind of amnesia is totally blank, unable to think or question what it is presented with by you, your minions, the media, most spiritual teachers and the governments. “This mind is a slave of the senses, ridiculing anything outside its world, fearful of anything that threatens its rule and rights. This mind is lost in a thick blanket of denial, encased within its own bubble of self-satisfying material needs; the zombie matrix mind!”

“There is no fight between Good and Evil. God doesn’t fight. Never has done so, never will do. He just loves and is here. The only fight is within one’s own self to stay open to love.”

The Fragrance of Sunlight

The fragrance of sunlight echoed everywhere, a wafting golden mist amongst us. “See what has been promised to you since time began! And what you see is so welcome; is it not that you will gladly extend today forever!”

“Everything meets in God, because everything was created by Him. All of creation has been waiting with eager longing for you, my son, so all can be set free from decay and death, and all can revel in the glorious freedom of constant joy and shadowless celebration! Yes! “But up to NOW, all of creation has groaned with pain, the wrenching pain of childbirth. And this pain need be no more. AND?IT?IS NO MORE NOW!” I commanded.

Alpha and Omega